Well, I'm back. I didn't post last night cause I was just fried. Emotionally, mentally, physically fried right to a crisp. The drive back was long. Not a lot of talking between Mini and I, we were both kind of lost in our thoughts up until the last hour or so. Then we talked alot and played word games till we got home.

Anyway, the weekend went ok. Nothing remarkable. No major lovebusters, no major shifts in her attitude. The first night we both agreed there would be no R talk. The second night she was too tired and by now I know enough not to push these things. The third day and evening, we snuck in our talks during cigarette breaks.

I established my 'boundries'. I told her that I could not live with her if we were not going to be on the road to recovery. She is still going to come here first and hopes that a session or two with the counsellor will help her choose a path. If she doesn't want to try to save this family unit, her stay with us will be temporary.

In either case, when she first gets here she will not be working. It was agreed that we would discuss ways for her to contribute to the running of the household. I have good hopes for this.

Her 'window' for leaving smalltownsville is still end of June to end of August, but we agreed that I would be coming with the U-haul towards the end of June and that I will be making only one trip. In otherwords, after that date she will have no furniture, so I've been functioning with the assumtion that she will join us on the trip back in the U-haul.

Then I realized how much trouble an assumption like that could cause me and asked her on the phone to clarify it for me. She got a little flustered and said she had to look at a calendar. Lots of little red flags waving at that one.

I got a lot accomplished this weekend. Cleared out the major discouragement room (packed chest high from corner to corner with crap) and a closet and the shed in the back. All stuff she asked me to focus on. I hope that motivates her because I did all that work in like 2 days and I see no reason why she couldn't be ready by the end of June.

I'm concerned about her. We talk about fog and aliens, but she really seems different. I think counselling and perhaps some antidepressants are long overdue for her. I'm wondering if that might help her clear her thoughts and actually come to some conclusions. (hopefully conclusions that are good for the family)

For me, it was a really tough weekend. Not in the ways I expected, either. I didn't look at her and pine for her. I didn't have to fight feelings to kiss or hug her. Thankfully those feelings stayed away.

On the other hand, I came across TONS of reminders about OW and it really hit home that this is all really happening. OW's cat is still there. I know it's a stupid, innocent animal. But I still hate that cat. OW still has stuff stored there and the plan is that she's going to take control of the house when Dylan moves out.

How am I doing now? Losing steam. Frustrated. Disheartened. I got so much work done and I know that if Dylan kept even half the pace of what I did this weekend, the house could be ready in less than 2 weeks. But I already know that's not the way it's going to go.

I hope to have Dylan come down here for a visit before the move date. I'd like for her to have a chance to see and talk to the psychologist.

I'm feeling a real need to get some plans going. I've been in limboland long enough and whereas I used to have discouraging 'episodes' lately I've been feeling a low grade 'give-up-on-this' feeling that instead of going away seems to be growing a little bit stronger each day.

Oh yeah, another boundry. I told her that Mini and I had managed to find some happiness in our lives and that our home was a happy place. Dylan has grown increasingly sarcastic and bitter over the years and I expressed a strong opinion about how if she wants to live with us, she will have to respect that atmosphere and not bring a cloud of doom into our home.

That's all for now. I'm sure many little details will come rushing back at me as soon as I hit send. I really wish I could be posting a better update, but that's the way it goes.

dewt