Just ran across the thread. And many know who my X is, but who really cares. Here is what is happening to me.
Yes, X did mistreat me, pulled and dragged me to the door while calling me a FB*tch and spitting in my face. To come to my house later that day and give me the key that I asked for and in a cocky voice said, here is the key you wanted.
Yes, I have to say neither the X or I are dealing with the divorce well. X is back with the other woman (she is in Arizona while we are in Michigan), which he admitted to me (already flew out there twice). And I am dealing with myself alone.
As seen X scored relatively high on control issue, and I scored relatively low. Been abused mentally by X. Physically, he has put holes in the wall and broke a shelf (X this is radical honesty). Then he did tear my rotator cuff, all he had to do was give me the key which was rightly mine instead of denying me the key and then coming over to my house 1 hour later and giving me the key.
Had a interesting discussion with my one daughter today, and she said I made the decision to let my H at that time rule me around. I finally got it through my head talking to her that yes I did. I thought that I was being a good wife. But now I realize that I was falling into his scheme of control. I will never let a man control me again.
As far as how I am doing Orchid. I will take the X back to court for not paying medical bills ordered by the judge. We have had numerous fights about this. It was ordered by the judge after the divorce for him to pay the medical bills and he has not done anything about the medical bills at all. He keeps saying he is working on it. The divorce will be 1 year old in a few weeks. X wants me to claim bankruptcy, cause he wants out of paying medical bills. He basically says he doesn't care what happens to me. And yes, yesterday I heard, as well as my oldest daughter heard the X tell me to my face that he GOT RID OF ME!. Yes he said this to me and it hurt, but I figure it is his way of pushing my buttons.
Yes, my oldest daughter and I are having a hard time. She has allowed her father to put her in his emotional insest(sp?) scheme. X tells me that is what my father did with me, and here X is doing the exact same thing with his oldest daughter. But the second daughter doesn't want anything of that sort. She is a wise young woman and moving to another state for her internship in Aerospace engineering. X gives the oldest daughter everything, money, pays for her truck payment. The 2 middle kids are paying for their own education, and getting on with life. The 3 younger kids don't want dad to have his name on their bank accounts. Which I didn't influence, just listened. They don't want me on the account either, and they told me why. Which I said, is okay.
I am the weaker link of X and I. I always was the submissive one, but now I am taking charge of my life and the X doesn't like it. I have done things around this house that haven't been done for 10-13 years. The leak got fixed this past winter. The leak that dripped from the upstairs bathroom to main floor utility room for all those years. I had a bucket there collecting for all these years. I found a person and it is fixed after all these years. I am now in the process of gutting the downstairs bathroom, which the X refused to do. I got the outside yard leveled off. There were 5 big hills of dirt with growth on it. And the hills are all leveled and now I am raking and getting the big stuff out and going to plant grass seed. I have had 5 people tell me how nice the yard looks now, and it looks so big. I do have quite a bit of property. I am in the process of selling some big $$ things. Just waiting to hear from a few people.
I am healing from the first surgery of my Right shoulder, still have the spasms in my back. And will probably have surgery on my other shoulder shortly. I am in a great church, love of my second family there. I do quite a few things with the church people, and am active in a cell group. I have set boundaries for my X. For I would come home from school and he was in my home, without my permission. I saw that he wrote recently that it is a good idea for the X to ask permission to come over his xspouse house, but my X continues to degrade me for this boundary. And now is stating that I did this to hurt him. The radical honesty that he says he needs is what hurts him when I stated that I needed to have a safe place to live. That I wanted to come home and know this is my home. He keeps stating the kids are living with me. All my kids drive, have a vehicle, and can go to his temporary place of residence living with his mother, but see the control issues are he wants everything his way. He wants his cake and icing too.
I am moving along slowly Orchid. Just the roller coaster ride gets me down. I have little income coming in. Just alimony, can't work yet, but will have a job sometime after I heal from the surgery. X didn't do the things in the divorce decree that was suppose to be done in 30 days, 60 days, 90 days. I did get the trash of old air conditioning units and furnaces out. But I did it not the X. As far as anything else. He has not kept his part of the divorce.
Yeah, remember when he said he would take care of me financially, emotionally and all. That was not radical honesty either. Not done, is not doing it, and still using his control.
I was in counseling, but now my counselor has moved. So I am finding another counselor. Just so hard after being with this counselor for a year. Have to start over and get things on the table. Now it is not for the physical and emotional abuse from X. It is for myself.
I see that X writes that I don't take accountability for my actions in the marriage. Which I do, and maybe earlier I didn't. But I have and am working on my part. I don't see where he is taking accountability on his part. One, he can't even state he had sex with the other woman. He can't even state that he did abuse me and did cause the tear in my right shoulder that had 3 big tears in it. Of course that was all my fault. And then he came to my house 1 hour later to give me the key I asked for. Of course, he is the most magnificant xhusband. Calls me names, FB*tch still. Like yesterday, said he GOT RID OF ME!. I guess these are words of a thoughtful person.
Mostly, I ignore a lot of what he does. He should be happy, he has the other woman in his life. But I too, don't see him as happy. I see him as a lonely old man. All the friends he has, are the kids. He doesn't do anything here with anyone else. Just the kids. Of course when he flys out to Arizona, he has the other woman. But wait till she sees that he is not a social person. All the time we were married, he had one friend and this friends wife.
Just trying to get my life together. My finances are pitiful, and yes I am not doing well financially. While the X makes big bucks, flying out to Arizona twice in the last 1 1 /2 months. Flew kids to states, takes kids to dinner, movies, etc. I only provide the kids with a home. No longer on food stamps, since my youngest graduated from high school recently. So food is running low and I basically told the kids to get money from dad.
If you want more, I will call you, but don't have your # anymore. Just surviving and getting my life back together. Hard, but I know I will make it, and will be a very wise woman.
