"I am not flaunting my affair; just telling what is happening in my life."

Which is having an A and not really caring a hoot what others think about it. And since you're at a marriage builders website, the 2uestion comes up again - Why HERE?

"This is the side of an affair that is not seen on the MB; it is what is happening with BS mates and the OP."

Oh, believe me, it's seen on MB. But most of those are here because they are seeking help 2 end it. You aren't.

"I think by your responces, Ark, it is one of the reasons I would not be able to tell my H."

Rationalize whatever you want it 2 mean. It's not whether you can stomach telling your family the truth about who you are, it's about giving him the RIGHT 2 make his OWN choices in life. I told my IC 2 years ago that I felt robbed of that choice by my W 13 years ago. And now, even after knowing that she's only starting withdrawal, I have chosen 2 stay married 2 her. Give your H the oppor2nity 2 make his own choice about his marriage. You owe him that!

"If you, a stranger, cannot deal with my feelings without critismn of what I am writing, how could I possibly possibly expect my H to understand?"

I don't think ark is strange at all! Your H may NOT understand. He probably won't for a long time. But that's not what this is about. It's about doing the RIGHT THING, not about protecting your filthy secret.

-2long

First, I must confess that I haven't read the other thread so I am replying only to what I have read on this one.

Sarie, you said that you don't think you should write here any more. I agree with you. If you really are here to learn, I do hope you continue to read (without replying) because there is a lot that can be learned and applied from reading other threads and the replies to those people. If/when you need specific advice to help you in accomplishing what this board is here for, I'm sure people will reply and help you move forward toward that goal. The archives have threads that cover many different situations so I think there's probably more than a few that are close enough to your situation to help you.

I also agree with ark, that if you are looking for attention and an audience that you can "be open" about your affair with, then I think you should go to the cheater websites to write about your new "memory". I think it must be a hard life having to sneak in a memory-maker every now and then instead of living and loving in your LIFE. I feel bad for you that an online support group is where you can express your happiness--one that you really don't belong to if you're not looking to restore and rebuild your marriage--instead of being able to express your happiness with the people who matter to you in your LIFE. If you have no intention of ending your affair, then I think the cheater websites would be better suited for your needs.

I sincerely hope you continue reading here--have you checked out the info pages of this website yet? I think it's a good place to start.

"I am not flaunting my affair"

Yes.... you are. And it's cruel.

Stop it...

P

There were a few more posts while I was posting mine, so I have one more thing to say.....

Sarie, I understand your need to share with an online group what's going on in your life--you can't share it with the people that matter to you in your LIFE. I think that must totally suck. But really, Sarie, there are websites DESIGNED for sharing that and this website isn't it. This website is for restoring and rebuilding marriages. I will pray for you like you asked. I hope you read while I'm praying <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks 'Loving Bounderies'.
And I will be doing that.
Reading but not posting.

And I will NOT go to the cheater sites.
I do not like those sites.

I will keep reading here and learning the right roads in life to take.
I don't want advice on how to remain on the wrong road!
Love, Sarah

************************************************

<small>[ May 26, 2004, 08:11 PM: Message edited by: Sarie ]</small>

People, if you are all so offended that this lady is posting on MB, surely the best way of getting the message across is to ignore her. You are all wasting valuable time on her when you could be helping others.

Sarie,

I cannot tell you how disappointed I am that you lied to us and continue to lie to your H. But, I guess this affair makes you happy, meets ALL of your needs. I hope it does because something you said is going to change.

You said </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Plus I can't imagine my life without my H in it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, you need to imagine it and soon. God has a way of taking away from those things that we don't appreciate, and you very clearly have NO RESPECT for your H. Frankly, I hope he finds someone who can actually love him and meet his needs. I hope he learns the truth and has the freedom to make a choice. And I hope that he is not taken from you before you finally realize what you have robbed him of. He is of an age where such things happen, consider OM. He was favored with a second chance, some how I doubt your H will be so lucky. It is not fair but few get second chances.

Sarie, you are burning daylight as they say in the west, and you are burning your H's life candle as you waste time. You will lose one or both of these men, it would be best if the loss was of your chosing rather than some unforeseen event.

But, you know the worst thing, is that the "sins of the father are visited on the son". You may get your chance to watch your children or grandchildren have happen to them what your H is have happening to him.

I feel very sorry for you, but this is your choice. Your loses will be many and painful, but they will not bring back what you gave away.

I sincerely hope God Blesses you with a conscience some day and you find the strength to do the right thing. As it is you are robbing two men and another lady of their lives.

Sadly,

JL

Sarah, this will be my last comment to you on this thread. I will pray for you and I want you to know that I didn't start this thread for the opportunity for some to get on your case further from the other thread. You know that what you're doing is wrong or you wouldn't be here. I firmly believe that but knowing this and doing something about it are two different things, aren't they. I have confidence that you make the right decisions sooner than later and get on with your life!!! Life is too short to be living it the way you are. God bless!!

Thanks Lisa and JL.
I am reading and absorbing the words of wisdom and guidance and caring here at MB; I just need to APPLY!
I know I need to get REAL and HONEST!

I will be gone all day tomorrow, helping my mother-in-law this time, so no computer time.
Love, Sarah

<small>[ May 26, 2004, 09:43 PM: Message edited by: Sarie ]</small>

I had a thought which is not any more bizarre than arie's story. Perhaps her H does have awareness of her A. (and SHE has no IDEA!) Perhaps he just lets her have whatever she wants. Just to keep her out of his hair? I kind of get the feeling that attention is a huge need of sarie's.

Like children, if they are ignored, even bad attention is better than no attention.

Her coming here to brag about rendez vous by the river is so far from base. She reminds me of theb cat toying with the mice. (shes the cat, and she looks at us like the mice) Now the cat says, "I love you mice!, while it tortures it and eventually eats it!"


LOVE, cardinal!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Sarie:

"I know I need to get REAL and HONEST!

I will be gone all day tomorrow, helping my mother-in-law this time, so no computer time."

It's weird reading your posts. I have 2 ask myself over and over why I respond 2 you... ...over and over.

Yes, you need 2 get real and honest. You almost even seem 2 realize this. But you don't, not really. If you did, it'd be like a snap of the fingers - you'd JUST DO IT (like the Nike commercial). It wouldn't be something you'd be putting off for some fu2re time - like when you're in your 90s or 10dies or 11dies or something. You'd do it RIGHT SMACK DAB NOW.

And you'd do it INSTEAD of going over 2 your MIL's 2 "help" her. Why put frosting on a stale cake? Make a new cake! INSTEAD of going over 2 your MIL's, tell your H you have something important 2 tell him, go someplace safe for 2th of you, and TELL HIM the truth.

I'd pray for you but I'm a spiri2al atheist. I will continue 2 hope that you wake up soon, though.

-ol' 2long

And I will NOT go to the cheater sites.
I do not like those sites.

You'd rather come here and post cruel things....

Sarie's reply resonates what H and I were talking about last night, regarding H's A. What the A has taught H is that he has never had any value of himself - he never thought he was a good, worthy person. I told him until the cows came home, because he is an excellent man, father, friend, person.

What got him successfully through his and our life together, since he was lacking this core self-belief, was my belief in him, my praise, my declarations of his greatness.

Well, when I got a part-time job last April that turned into full-time, H didn't get that from me daily anymore. And he had none to give himself. So, when my "best friend" was telling him how great he was, what a wonderful person he was, he gravitated toward her, and the rest is history.

What H learned from his A is that core beliefs must come from within oneself. Because to seek it from outside of self, is fleeting and fake and cannot sustain.

So, what I hear when I hear Sarie say that she likes the way she feels and is with OM, is that she seeks and receives from him something she never learned to create within herself. And right now, she probably doesn't even know what that is.

Until my H had that from nobody, he didn't realize what it was he was lacking. As the Christian counselor that I spoke to once said, H had to come to the end of himself, before he could discover what he needed to discover. And now, even after all he has done, he believes in himself. He knows he's not evil, that he made a mistake. H learned a hard life lesson, in the face of adversity. I am so proud of him.

Sadly, until Sarie ends the A, and suffers her lacking in whatever she has not created for herself, she is incapable of learning and growing.

I think her self-delusion is sad. A "wonderful memory?" That part made me want to puke. It is not a fairytale, it is not true love. The Bible talks exclusively in several sections about love, and it never hurts and it isn't cruel. Therefore, what is produced in an A can never be love.

SS

I had an initial gut reaction the first time I read Sarie's posts. My first reaction was that it was all made up.

Kinda like a very unhappy person with a very unhappy life had created this imaginary wonderful love life for herself just to escape reality.

My second reaction was that it's actually Sarie's H that is having the A...and he won't stop. Hmmmm...I'm probably way off, but these were my thoughts from reading her posts...even the prior posts from weeks ago.

I agree with 2Long that there's something very weird about these posts.

I think she needs more help than any internet boards...TOW or MB...will be able to give her.

sss

Prayers...

Somehow, Sarie, I don't think that you meant someone to take a Biblical approach to adultery in their prayers for you.

I pray that with or without Sarie's doing that her H finds out the depth of her betrayal.

I pray that in the words of Proverbs 6 & 7 Sarie & the OM suffer the consequences of their actions.

Thank God for the New Testament and the Way out.

spider slayer...I totall agree with your assessment of the FWS. I know that I was very much lacking in self worth and suppose that I always have had issues there. It's really sad what we will do to satisfy that need to feel special! One thing that I've learned is that I must achieve this self esteem issue within myself. I can't rely on H or any other person to meet that need. That is too great of a burden to put on anyone! Ultimately we all need to love ourselves before we are capable of expressing genuine love to anyone else. We are commanded in the Bible to "love your neighbor as you love yourself", so this isn't some egotistical thing that we're talking about. I have a long ways to go but at least I now realize what is missing and how I allowed myself to fall prey to the OM.

Lisa,

i could have written your post word for word.

so how are you progressing with that growth???

i ask, of course, for simply selfish reasons, as i am trying to accomplish the same. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

FL...I believe that if I could get out of the office that I'm in and having to see and communicate with OM everyday that things would be much better with me. Right now it's all business and I try to not even look him in the eyes. It's just too painful for me still. It's been right at a year since d-day and some days I feel pretty strong and other days I feel like I'm back at day one. I no longer want to be with him but still struggle with residual feelings that I have for him. I guess maybe I always will but I know that they're will come a day when they don't consume me like they still do at times now. I know that this is such a hard thing for BS's to read here and I certainly do not want to hurt anyone by admitting that. I'm just being as honest as I know to be. The heart is a touchy thing and you can't make it do what you want it to do unfortunately! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I was reading JL's post about the whole thing with finding that place within yourself where you don't need some outside source to make you feel special.

I honestly don't know what my issue is there. OM was never anywhere near as good to me as H is. He was always arrogant and could be very cruel at times with the indifference that he would show. I wish that I understood what it is exactly what makes me care for him still. I do love my H and want my emotions to get back on track and I am working on it day by day.

this person, who uses the handle sarie, has been giving this crap here for more than a year.

this person is a troll. i'd be willing to bet money on it. in any case, this person is cruel and evil. ignore, ignore, ignore.

I agree.

T-R-O-L-L

Jenny