All that crap he has been telling me all week about not talking to ow is a big fat lie! I got our new cell phone bill today. It was $700. He is talking quite a bit!

Not only that he called her four times right before I had the baby and called her seven times right after her birth.

Calls since our daughters birth has "slowed" down... but he called her last on Saturday. Said he was returning her call and she was just wondering how the baby was doing. I was so ANGRY! I told him that she didn't give a crap about our children she just wants him. He said he knew. That he is trying not to talk to her less and less and she is getting aggravated with him. He says that she is looking for any excuse she can find to contact him... that she's lonely and is just trying to hang on to him.

I haven't told him about this website or that I'm posting. We purchased the book "Suriving an Affair" and we got to the chapter about nc. He thought that was bull... so I've continue to read it on my own.

When he talks to me he seems sincere about us and wanting us to work. But everything that he has told me in the last couple of days just blew right out the window. I told him that he couldn't have both of us.

I'm so tempted to throw him out and move to Plan B. I feel like such a fool. I was being cautious... I knew that his actions and attitude could be too good to be true. But I so wanted to believe him and I still do.

What a jerk. He had the nerve to hug me and tell me that he loved me and our children and it was ME he wanted not this other crazy chick. How can I believe that now?

I'm thinking about talking to him tonight but I'm afriad of LBing him to death. I have been very good about not doing that. But this just can't go on anymore. SHE HAS GOT TO GO!

How should I approach him with this. What should I say? I need proof that it is over. I think that I might ask him to write that nc letter. But I'm not sure if that will work either.

BW, I feel sorry for you. But take care of yourself and your baby first. I really don't have any advie to you. Just a hug. {{{{BW}}}}

Not sure of your backround or how long you have been in Plan A, but it sounds like moving to Plan B is on the horizon. It is a shame that this is happening so soon after the birth of your baby when your emotions are high anyway. You could try a few more weeks until your hormones level off and then move to Plan B. It is my belief that letting the cheater know that they can only have one of you is a catalyst to ending the affair. It was for me and I've seen it over and over on this very board. However, be prepared if it takes awhile. Take care of yourself and that baby though - you guys are the most important characters in this little drama!

Sorry to hear about this, ecspecially with your new baby. Congratulations <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

My WH ended his PA in Nov'03, but continued talking via cell phone, he got a new phone & I couldn't see the bill. Contact continued till 04/29/04 - she sent a text message & I discovered it.

I believe I enabled him to continue on in his deceit because he had no consequences to deal w/ for his actions. I carried on my Plan A far too long. Once I set up my Plans for Plan B, began packing to move to my parents, got a mover, etc. - WH ended (supposedly) contact. I do see him coming out of the fog - he actually told me that he likes not talking to her. He said his head is clearer.

But my point is - do not Plan A for too long. Words & promises are easily spoken, the actions speak louder than the words. Do Plan A for a bit longer, your WH is saying all the things my H stated, then Plan B if the actions don't follow his words and your ready to do it. I wasn't ready till now.

Take care of you, first & foremost, your children need you. Keep strong, my prayers are with you!

BB2

BW - because he described NC as "bull", he's not ready for any more SAA, so don't even try.

Nor do I think you're ready for Plan B already.

What have you accomplished in Plan A?

Are you sure you understand Plan A?

How have you exposed the affair to family and friends? Is OW married?

Please try biting your lip on the LBs. If you LB you'll just feed his justifications.

BW, please talk to your doctor and get some support for this time. I do not know your situation, but did you just have a baby? The adjustments of this time are sadly when many men do have affairs. The referral you get from your OB/Gyn, may be something you could use for giving you support and guidance through this time.

It helps to have this site, but the professional support is not replaced with MB.

I've only known about the a for three weeks. For two weeks h was hopeless about our marriage. When the baby was born 8 days ago he seemed to come out of the fog and returned to me. So I've only been in pa for about two weeks. I thought that it might be working... and maybe it is. I know that he feels quilty about his actions but I also know that he feels sorry for ow... says he's trying to let her down easy. We are in counseling and that seems to help... both of us. She is not married as far as I know. But she does live with another man. H said that there is no relationship there??? Hmmm... I wonder about that.

The great thing about the A is that they are quite similar in pattern. Reading Shirley Glasses, Not Just Friends was excellent for my FWS and for me. She brings the matter into a sensible perspective, which helps to undo some of the damage done. With much effort, we can do better than just survive this.

What counts is that your H is working with you now. Glad you have counselling. You need to be able to talk about these things and with a strong sense of proper guidance to make your relationship as a married couple strong and unyielding.

How is your baby! Congratulations on this. Only eight days old, the little sweet thing. I miss holding little ones.

Blessings to you.

Dear Betrayed - my heart goes out to you, my H was chasing after another woman while I was pregnant with our lst child, I found out about it 17 yrs later and I was devastated 17 yrs after it happened. I can't imagine what you are going through.

I think it is good that your H is still there, I agree with worthatry you are not ready for Plan B just yet- keep up with Plan A, it must be working

It is good that OW is getting upset that your H is still there, she may give up ( I will keep my fingers crossed she does)

I think though your H has to get his head out of the sand and realize there is no easy way to let OW down (fog talk), keep pushing for the NC letter, push to have his cell # changed again and not give her the # so it is difficult for her to reach him, have him agree to not call her again. Read all the books and try and discuss them with him.

Be strong, and I agree with cardinal, I don't know if you have ever had post partum depression,
I did have it with my lst daughter, with everything happening in your life you should really go see your doctor, explain the situation and see what suggestions he may have,
Good Luck

<small>[ May 26, 2004, 03:16 PM: Message edited by: Sandy0000 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Betrayed_Wife:
<strong>I thought that it might be working... and maybe it is.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How do you expect it to work? i.e., what do you expect the results to be?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> She is not married as far as I know. But she does live with another man.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Close enough. Expose the affair to him as soon as possible. Call him up and tell him what's going on.

What about your H's family? Do they know?

WAT

I agree with WAT about exposing the affair to the man she's living with. Most likely your husband's claim that she isn't involved with that man is bull... He just doesn't want you to think she is so you won't contact him IMO.

I would be tempted to arrange for my husband's cell phone to get lost... and then to answer it myself whenever she calls... (OK - probably LB'ing)

Stay in Plan A for now (exposing affair is part of Plan A).

My OB knows of my situation and feels that I don't need to be put on any drugs yet. She say that the emotions I am going through are normal stressor. But if they get worse to contact her. I feel like I'm ok there. I've not felt detached from the baby or my other children.

I don't know what I expect to happen. I just wish it could be more clear. He says its me he wants not her. I wish I could trust that.

He told his parents of the A and there are a few family members and friends that know. I have not told anyone in my family. My father would kill h. I'm waiting to see if he comes out of the fog. His family knowing has been a great comfort to me. His parents are very supportive of me and our marriage and have been talking a great deal to h about what he is doing to our family. I think that it is helping him knowing that his family will never accept her into their home. His mother has no respect for ow.