Thank you for your response to my "Emergency Situation Update." I felt necessary to start a new thread because now you have brought up a whole new topic I need to discuss. Communication.

My H is always telling me that he "just doesn't know what I am thinking." He really wants me to open up to him, but I am just so afraid. Honestly, I don't even know what I am afraid of or why I am afraid.

Just like you (and probably many others here too), I am a freak when it comes to confrontation or negative responses. Before discovery of the A, my H was never interested in communicating with me...now things are totally different.

I know he is trying so hard. We talk almost everyday now about the future, feelings, weather, anything and everything. Not only are we taking more but the kind of talk seems different too. He is much more aware of the impact that his words have and is more sensitive to how he says thing to me.

The most recent talk we had, my H was wanting me to talk about my feelings...oh no, dreadful pit in my stomach...I finally admitted to him that I felt my feelings didn't deserve to be acknowledged because it was my "feelings" that led me to hurt him and our M so badly. Then I cried. Then he held me.

That was a big step for me, just to say that. I feel as if I have so far left to go, but when I look back I can see how far I have came.

Anyway, thank you kyellow and all others who care enough to read my boring little ramblings. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

mom, I think you just called me a freak. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> LOL
I learned in my IC, that because of how I was raised, it all falls back on our childhood. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Anyways, because of all the outburst and negativity thrown at me and around me, I steer clear of all confrontation.
She taught me to express my fears. I fear if I tell you this, you will get mad, and it will hurt my feelings. blah blah blah. I feel if I express what I feel, you won't like it.
What do you know that psycho babble stuff works. I have been able to communicate about my communications which has helped our communicating a bunch.. Did you follow, and you was worried about your babble.
My H is now Mr. Wonderful. He understands my fears, and we have great in-depth talks all the time now, and he usually asks to do so. Let's go talk honey, wow, something I thought I would never hear. He has always tuned me out. Always, I have been M for 9 years, and I have been completely irrelevant to him. Now however, I suddenly have a voice and a worthy opinion on life. It is nice.
My C also pointed out that we have resolved conflict with neither one of us, leaving, or becoming physical, nor do we degrade each other, so our problem solving works, I just need to not be afraid to do it.
I get so nervous when there is an issue. I now know to express my nervousness, honey, I'm feeling nervouse about this, but I need to tell you, my mom is coming to dinner. Yeah, that is how bad my communication was. He would always get annoyed with my Mom, and I hated to tell him anything about her because of his negative response, now however, he has embraced her. Total turn around.
How good for you that he loves you enough to want to hear your feelings. That alone should encourage you to talk to him, you obviously are worth it to him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
I'm so glad you sought me out, I was just feeling lonely. thanks

k,

I am so glad we can communicate to each other about how to communicate about our communications to help me communicate better! Hehehehehe LOL, Sorry I could not resist. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for the insight on us "freaks" and our avoidance of confrontation going back to our childhood...I suspected all along my mother was to blame for this too! Hehehehehehe LOL, I am on a roll today.

Mom of 3,
Your are killing me. LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

My Mom is totally to blame as well. I'm so glad to let myself off the hook, because I was feeling like a really bad person. Nope, just a product of my lousy upbringing.

Anytime you want to communicate, just let me know.
You made my day.