I'm sure this has been asked before but what made you end your A? Was it a PA or an EA?

I ended it because I couldn't live with myself any longer, my relationship with God was damaged by it, and it was an awful situation to be in. It was a longterm emotional and physical affair, on and off (both the relationship itself and the physical aspect of it) for 7 years.

LL,
I had an EA and PA, it lasted 7 months. I was tortured, by my wrong doing's. I seen the damage I caused his M, and I needed to come clean.
My H was clueless, which just made it worse, he had so much faith in me for one, and wouldn't have ever noticed for another.
I had drifted from God as well, how can you be in the midst of sin and still cont. a relationship with God, it is very difficult.
I was feeling so low by my behavior and my actions, I almost couldn't breathe.
KY4

Hello Learning, I ended my PA when I realized my H did love me, I couldnt see it before, had the A I became distant towards him, he was suspicios and I saw a big change in him (for the better), he asked me to go to MC to work on our marriage. I wanted it to work out and knew MC would not work as long as I was involved with the OM. I broke it off a week before our first MC session, husband found out of PA a week after we started MC

everlong, i like your signature line...

"... ended with God's help and a little common sense"

my A was 2 1/2 yrs. started as a very bad choice as to how to medicate my hopelessness of a marriage i thought had to end. it became a very strong addiction because it gave me such strong feelings of being cared for (not loved, but cared about). first time we said good-bye to each other was 3 months into the A. i find entries in my journal as long ago as jan 2002 that talked about how i wanted to end the A and really recommit to my marriage, but it was not until nov 2003 that i managed to accomplish that.

PA/EA? well i met the guy (online) for one reason and one reason only, to have sex with someone other than my H. i had been doing a lot of chatting with everyone and anyone for well over a year. i decided i wanted to meet someone in person. there was not much of a reason as to why i choose the person i ended up choosing. it certainly was NOT because i knew him, i had only chatted with him 3 (short) times before meeting him. (thankfully he was not a serial killer!) so it was, at the core of it, a PA.

however, we did end up chatting a lot, found things in common, he let me cry when i needed too, made me laugh when i was done. i got to view him as a dear friend. we were always up front about how our relationship was basically physical only. and doing that just resulted in me feeling even more comfortable with him. i didn't want to fall in love with anyone!! my heart was broken into a million pieces. If he had started professing words of love to me i would have ran away faster than i was trying to run away from my H. i think that is why it was so hard to walk away from it. the relationship was EXACTLY what i wanted, superficial (but strongly felt) feelings without the stress of being a serious relationship.

edited to add...

i ended A because my H, after i told him i wanted a divorce, became very active in becoming a better husband to improve the marriage. I also was disgusted with myself and hated the double life and secrets.

<small>[ May 26, 2004, 04:12 PM: Message edited by: FinallyLearning ]</small>

It's interesting that the ladies have tended to end their own affairs.

I'm not proud of it, but I'm pretty sure that I would've continued mine indefinitely had we not been caught.

Low

LO,

Give yourself some points for honesty.

I think the same is true of Betty's husband. I used to sort of hold that against him (that he did nothing at all for me or for her and then was cruddy and petulant at me when I ended it), but I have come to realize that it just does not matter. What matters is that it's over, it is no longer going on, and because of that (however it comes about) the participants have a chance at a decent life. One less affront to God in the world.

I asked for a divorce about a week before discovery. My H was devastated by my request for a divorce, and totally NOT devastated by finding out about the A.

After the initial weeping and begging by H, I agreed to end A and work on M thru MC. It was all a lie. I was "in love" with OM, and only biding my time through the holidays (Dec. 2003)"for my kids' sake." I had an attorney apt. all set up for early Jan. 2004. But my H was not lying, he was trying so badly to understand my EN, and what went wrong where, and how to fix us. He was changing so much. I was afraid, confused. Why couldn't he had changed before I "fell in love" with this OM? It's too late now, I thought.

The day before atty. apt. H discovered I had not ended A....things after this went very bad, very fast...and I will not get into all of that here.

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Divorce proceedings began and nastily continued Jan-Feb-March...So much happened during those few months that there are days I wonder how we didn't destroy ourselves if not one another.

I am not sure what exactly happened in March. I woke up one morning feeling sad. Not just blue, bummed, or dumpy, but really sad. I realized this is not the life I want. I realized I was throwing away a perfectly wonderful man. I realized I was being selfish. I realized that my H loved me still. Again I thought, It is too late.

I knew I needed out of this damaging relationship and I knew I needed to work on fixing myslef. I wrote my H a letter, for the first time apologizing to him and to our family. I told him I was ending A because I was ready to live honestly, enough with the double life. Our kids needed us to be strong, healthy (mentally and physically), and happy.

He would not let me read the letter. Would not hear anything I had to say. Told me I had mental problems.

I went to confession...after going back to God, I realized that even if my M was totally ruined and never repaired...I would always have Him. God forgave me, never gave up on me, still wants me, and loves me.

How I saw the world and related to others started to change after that day, and I think my H saw all of that. I cannot speak for why he is here now giving me this chance to save and protect our M.

Learning:
I truly believe it was letting God in. He was there all along, I just kept Him out. And also my husband's unconditional love. He knew me at my nastiness. Knew all of the deep, dark secrets and still loved me. He was willing to forgive me. I realized I still loved him too.

LL,
What made me end it? Excellent question. The truth was, I didn't want to end it. OM made the first move. I fought it like crazy...that's when I found MB, because I couldn't understand what had happened to my life! I really look forward to reading here, most posts just make sense. It does hurt me to see all the pain caused by A's.

Towards the end, with help from MB, I believe I was so addicted to OM. We never really wanted to leave our spouses and be together. Everyday I needed contact with him-I needed a FIX!! That's how I see it. And when we didn't speak, for any reason, I went into wicked withdrawal. I'm in it now...I don't even know if I miss him, or I need a fix! I never thought I had an addictive personality, until now. The A was for 6 years...it's crazy. Thanxs for listening...

LL,
What made me end it? Excellent question. The truth was, I didn't want to end it. OM made the first move. I fought it like crazy...that's when I found MB, because I couldn't understand what had happened to my life! I really look forward to reading here, most posts just make sense. It does hurt me to see all the pain caused by A's.

Towards the end, with help from MB, I believe I was so addicted to OM. We never really wanted to leave our spouses and be together. Everyday I needed contact with him-I needed a FIX!! That's how I see it. And when we didn't speak, for any reason, I went into wicked withdrawal. I'm in it now...I don't even know if I miss him, or I need a fix! I never thought I had an addictive personality, until now. The A was for 6 years...it's crazy. Thanxs for listening...