well i just got off the phone w/my H, he was calling to tell me that had deposited some money into our account. he said he was sorry that he chuckled and that he mostly did it just as a tension breaker and suggested that the mix up may have been at the end of march but that he did tell me he had taken some money out of the account.

i made sure and apologized several times myself and say i appreciated the money. told him that i was a little upset because that it seemed no matter what i did, that things always came up and that i had written checks and spent money this past month thinking that there had been an additional $500 in the account. he asked if i was still having a hard time w/the bills even though he was paying some. i told him that for the most part but things just come up. i told him i had an accident w/my truck. he said that i could have told him. i said it just happened blah blah blah and anyway that the deductible was $250 and yes i did have it but it was something i hadn't planned on.

i said i was atrying not to use one of our accounts because the checks were messed up and i didn't want to pay money to get new checks if we weren't going to have the account much longer. he said that if he was going to put money in the account when i needed it then we still needed to keep the account. i said yes, of course but i just didn't want to pay the money to get new checks. he said that this summer he hoped to start putting $300 in the account for me a month to help out. he said that he finally got all the cell phone bills straightened out at that the cingular bill now only had my calls on it and he wanted to know if he could send it to me. i said yes.

we then talked about switching calling plans, talked about the taxes that will be due in august and he said he would take care of it but that he needed to have one of my W2's. i said that i couldn't file my state until i had the federal, etc. we said good bye and hung up.


i guess my question is what is your take on what he says about the $300 a month and keeping our joint checking account longer? of course i'm not going to count on $300 a month until i see it myself but it just seems like he's still somewhat obligating himself to me. i don't take this in a bad way but i'm just not sure how he's going to accomplish this unless he's got a lot more money coming in then i'm aware of.

my h cannot leave the state he is living in regardless whether or not he wants to work on our M because he graduates from college in december. he doesn't start until august or september and there's no way he can transfer to another school for one more semester. so that's something that's really going against me. found out that he can't sell our house w/out me so that's something i have going for me. just can't help but wonder about the OW in all this and what she is thinking. well that's about all i will think about her today.

let me know what you guys think about the latest convo and how i should handle financial matters. thanks and God bless, RR

oops double post

<small>[ June 02, 2004, 11:47 AM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

just in case the furnitureman wants to reply to my questions here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

To answer your questions....

And I am by no means a fitness expert. But this is what has worked for me.

I run road races (up to 5K, but I will be doing a 10K by the end of this year) I have a training cycle that I use. Three days a week I run somewhere between 1 - 3 miles.

My gym has a free abs class on M,W,F.

I play basketball on Tuesday nights.

I also do specific weight training just to work on specific areas, but that's not really a big time focus. (Although I still lift weights 3 times a week)

My schedule goes like this: M, W, F - Run, usually 20-30 minutes, although you could probably replace that with any cardio exercise. Lift weights for 15 - 20 minutes (until Abs class starts. Abs last 25 minutes. That's it. Play basketball on Tuesdays.

The trainer at my gym says that running is the single most beneficial thing you can do. It's good that I like to run.

I don't know if that helps or not.

Ethan

yes, it does, thank you. sounds like i just need to keep doing what i'm doing. i wish i did like running, that's something i always wanted to "get into." only time will tell, think i need to shed a few more pounds before i take up any serious running, however if i did run more than i would shed more pounds <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

thanks cellophane, i think i'm half-way there well probably not half-way but i'm on my way. by that mean, i definitely don't dread working out like i used to. in fact, last night i walked on the treadmill for 10 minutes, cross-trainer for 45min, and weight lifted for 30-40 minutes. once i get on that cross-trainer and listen to this CD i have then i'm motivated. occasionally i'll start to slow down and wish i was almost done and then a song will come on that really pumps me up and then i'm working harder.

i do have to keep reminding myself and i often remind others here that we are in a race but it's a marathon, and not a sprint. we have to condition ourselves to finish. i'm sure there isn't one professional athlete (runner) out there that starts a race and thinks that they won't finish. of course not. but probably there are a few and i know there are amongst novice runners, those that start a race and then start to give up before the finish line because they don't feel they have the energy to finish. so that's why "i'm doing what i can for as long as i can" and trying to conserve my energy as SH says, mostly w/God's help and the prayers of others as well as mine.

i'll be getting a tape this weekend so that i can record my CD so that i can run w/it. i tried doing it w/my CD player and it just doesn't work. so ask me next week how i'm doing <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> gotta go, thanks again and prayers to you.

Hi RR~

IMO, if your short term goal is to lose the most amount of weight you can by July 1, you should focus on cardio. Afterward you can go back to the strength/weight training. It is best to have a combined work-out, but for now I think you will achieve the results you're looking for by spending more time on the TM. You can still get a little strength training while getting good cardio on the elliptical or bike if you want to mix it up a little.

For running on the TM, start slowly at whatever pace you can do a light jog. Say 4.8. Then go up from there as you get used to it. For your height, you should be able to do a decent run at 5.6 maybe even lower. Jog/run for as long as you can manage, then slowly go back down, then back up again as you're able. I wouldn't even worry about the incline so much. Even a flat zero should do, because your main concern is being able to jog/run, not so much build your muscles.

Of course eat right, fiber, protein, fruits & veggies and tons of water. I know you know this, just thought I'd throw that in.

I wish you much success. You are doing beautifully in all your endeavors. You are one determined young lady! I too agree with the others, you handled the phone conversation with your H remarkably well and with much finesse! Your H will be a fool if he doesn't come back and commit!

Have a great weekend!

~ad

thanks AD i really needed that before the weekend. i don't have computer access outside from work so i'm staying late to get caught up on posts and email.

i guess my thought for the weight lifting is that it does increase metabolism and if you increase that then you will burn my calories and lose weight. i don't lift a lot of weight, i do pretty decent i think, it's not easy by any stretch of the means but many people have complimented me on my form and i try to concentrate on that more and making the most of the repetitions and weight i use.

as for the speeds you recommended, WOW! my heart went about 90 miles a minute <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> i'm not sure i would be able to sustain even a 4.8 for too long. usually when i'm on the TM and doing the jog/walk thing i do 5.0 for 2 minutes every 10 minutes. usually for a 30 minute period. so i could always step that up. like i said, i hadn't really done that a lot because i can't run w/out listening to my CD and i can't listen to my CD and run because it skips. i tried setting it on the TM and running but it just kept falling off. so i'll make the tape and step it up a notch or two.

what do you think would be a good time goal? 30min, 45 min, 60min at a time?

depending on where i'm at weight wise on the 16th, i thought i might do an atkins type thing for 2 weeks before i go home. we will see.... but thanks again so much for the suggestions and will try them. also for the encouragment of how i'm doing, i guess still a part of me deep down just feels my H still won't want me because of the OW and what she looks like, etc. i don't obsess over that by any means but it's still hurtful to think he probably isn't even attracted to me anymore. i'm blonde, she's brunette, she has long hair, i have "short" hair, she's 5 7', i'm 5'3, she's maybe 120lb and i'm 1XXlb <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> she's only 20 and he has only known her since last october. i'm 29 and have been w/my h since i was 17 (met him the day after by 17th bday). anyway.........

have a good weekend and hopefully i won't break a leg <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> prayers to you and God Bless, RR

RR, you can do it. DOn't worry about OW. You don't compete with her. You have GOD in your side. Prayers for you and have a great weekend.

I tried very hard today to think positive. I feel ok now and hope it lasts.

thanks LH, i try not to. i do pretty good about it but it still slips in every once in awhile. he used to want me so much and now.............well i can't control that only do the best i can. you're right, i do have God and SO DO YOU. gotta go for the weekend. be the lamb that has been found by his master or the sheppard and that will fill you w/strength. hugs and prayers to you, RR

We have the same kind of OW...Tough to fight. OW is definately better looking than me and only 21 years. But after confronting her i knew immediately i am 100% better than her because it is the inside that counts and not the outside.

OW is so immature and clingy...no brains at all and really gullible...no moral and a real liar.

You are lucky not to have any kids. If i do not have any i would have dump WH long time ago. It is because of my DD that i am still here trying to save the marriage. My daughter had tears in her eyes last telling me how much she misses her dad. That really breaks my heart every time.

zizzy,
i've actually never met the OW, i hope i don't either. i can pray for her from a distance. i know her height and birth date because i paid a PI to get her address and the names of her parents because i knew she still lived at home. i went over to their house the last time i saw my H (march). i'm living in a different state (not because of this) then they are right now but our house, my stuff, my dogs, and my H are still there. of course i didn't tell my H i was going to do this. anyway, that's when i saw what she looked like because there was pictures everywhere in her house of her, even pictures w/her and my H (yuck-puke!).

i'm hoping that the OW is like yours (sorry) so that things she does will be perceived as an LB by my H. sometimes that's the thoughts that get me through is that the OW will lose interest and/or they will still start "reacting" to each other basically because i'm not filing for D and have maintained that i will fight for my M even if it's by not doing anything. in othre words, it will have to be my H that files for a D and i'm going to contest it all the way to court IF/WHEN he does file. maybe in the meantime, this OW will just start to complain and whine about me and my H and then their R will start to dissipate. needless to say, the OW didn't like the fact that I went to her house and talked to her mom. my H didn't like that i did that either because he didn't want me to see what she looked like and see the flowers (there were flowers from him for her at her house w/a note that i saw). oh well, i'm finding a lot of things i don't like these days. BTW, her parents knew my H was M and they are not doing anything about it, in fact, her mom (she was the only one there) said that they liked my H.

steve harley told me he believed that the R this OW has w/my H has a shelf-life and he as well as others aren't real confident that the OW will stick around given her age, etc. also that most A end w/in 6 mos of Dday. that would be middle of august for me. although i'm not too confident it will end by august, i'm think more on that i will be able to last longer than she does. steve harley said that's why dragging my feet and using time can benefit the situation. anyway, only time and God will tell and i just have to continue taking one day at a time and pray. God bless, RR

RR, you are so brave. I didn't know that you went to OW's house and talked to her parents. You did the right thing by standing up for yourself. SOmeday when your H wakes up, he would respect you and appreciate what you did.

I will get the book Believer is reading. We women have to stand up for ourselves and stop being a doormat.

lost, i can't believe you didn't know that! oh yeah, lots of stuff there. i don't know how to insert links here so that you can go directly to those posts but if you did a search you could find it where i say what happened. it's under the general questions forums, the title of the post is "roughroad needs help with exposure" that's only if you have the time to read it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> i couldn't pass up the opportunity to expose while i was at our house. i only had a week so if i was going to do it then i had to do it when i was last there (march). i didn't want to look back some day and wonder "if only i had gone over to her house then maybe it would have made a difference." so now i can look back and not regret.

as far as women being a doormat, i have mixed feelings about this only because of the way i was in our M. probably too much to get into right now but i think i've told you that i was pretty controlling, domineering at times, and i definitely don't think i was a help mate to my H like the Bible instructs. so i think there is a difficult balance between being strong and being a W who submits to her H. the thing about it is, now i think i understand that and can do that but i just don't have the opportunity. i just have to keep praying that i will get the chance.

maybe the book will help you and i'll be glad for you if it does. i gotta go, i have a meeting in a few minute, prayers to you, RR

RR, sorry for the lack of information. I knew you got OW's infomation from a PI, but did know you actually went there. Is very brave of you. I guess I just concentrated too much on my own situation. I have to pay more attention to the others, like you and Believer. I learned to post to the others, but I felt that I am not start enought to say too much, just support.

i guess it was kind of brave what i did but i just didn't feel like i had a choice. by that i mean, i did have a choice but when it came to trying to save my M, i felt the choice i had was to talk to her family. i'm glad i did it but i do wish it would have had more effect that what it did. who knows maybe it still will.

lost, you are doing a great job, you post to so many people. don't worry about whether you know my whole story or not. remember just the other day, i found out that your mom didn't know? so don't give it a second thought. you ARE very smart, just look at how far you have come? that takes a great deal of smarts, courage, and of course prayer.

one of the "gifts" i have received from God is a good memory. that's how i got through nursing school and how i did so well is because of my memory. don't get me wrong, i don't have a photographic memory by any means. and i still don't always remember everything. a lot of times i have to print out posts or emails or even take notes in order to reply/respond so that i address everything. how's the weather in your neck of the woods? any rain? was supposed to rain here this past weekend but didn't. wait a minute, we weren't talking about the weather <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> i was making a memory joke in case you didn't catch it.

like the title of my post says, we are doing what we can, and with God's help that's all we can do. by the way, i hit the 39lb mark last wednesday for weight loss. don't remember if i told you (ha ha ha). i still want to lose 7lbs by the 30th so i need to stay on track, hope i don't forget what track i'm on <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

gotta go, prayers to you, RR

Wow, RR, you did great! I lost about 20lbs at the beginning, now slowly gain about 5 lbs back. So you can see that I am doing better, even though my emotion is up and down.

Talk about the weather, it has been perfect for the last 3 days. I rained so much last month that WH cut the lanw about every 5 days. He cut it again yesterday and broker 2 sprinkler heads. So he bought them back, they are sitting in my counter top now. He's better fixed them before going to Plan B. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> .

My memoery is good in some way and bad in other way. I can remeber my math formulas, but always mix up with schedules. I will funk a nursing program by not being able to remeber all the things to do and fainting by blood.

RR, good girl. Let's pray to GOD constantly and fight for our Ms together.

yes! and sometimes fighting for our M's means not doing anything. you get what i mean? yes, you are going to go to plan B (well probably) but you are not seeking a D. we are letting God fight for us and we are trying to do what he tells us to do for our M.

point well taken w/the math formulas. i'm afraid that being able to deal w/blood is a pre-requisite to being a nurse. see you have a good sense of humor too <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> BTW, i can give someone else a shot or start an intravenous line on someone but when it's done to me, forget about it!

i'm very glad to hear you are doing better, God Bless, RR

RR, how are you doing today? Prayers for you.

i'm hanging in there, i feel really tired. haven't really slept well the last few nights. think i'm just going to go straight to bed afterwork. sometimes knowing all the work that is ahead sometimes just gets discouraging. you know what i mean? yes, i'm sure you do.

i'm sorry i haven't had a chance to look up stuff for your son and his nosebleeds. i actually don't have any more references then you would have. most of the times i just go to webmd.com and then they might have other links you can go to. you could even look up stuff about some of your symptoms. wehn you say your heart was racing and your dizzy that makes me think maybe you don't have enough potassium but if you are taking vitamins i don't know if this would still be an issue. so you could always eat a bananna to get potassium or even kiwi has some in it.

hope you were able to warm up and are finding things to keep busy. don't forget about the animal shelter. are your kids out of school yet?

prayers, RR