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lay off the booze and the smokes
stay together and talk
sober
prayers
Pep
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Mel, if you hadn't done it I'd have kept drinking myself to death. The drinking again was giving me away anyway. How about her telling KJ H because of this.... her friend... Jen was in trouble and acting in destructive ways in her M and now obviously in other ways too. Shame on you for even questioning this.
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Jen, why are you talking to us and not him?
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I stand behind this paragraph:
"If you wanted to get involved, you could have called Kiwi (Jen) and told her if she didn't tell Rob TONIGHT, you would call her husband tomorrow. That would have been SO MUCH BETTER for Rob's wife to be the one to tell him about this renewed contact with OM instead of a STRANGER on an Internet forum." (
But it doesn't matter now, it is over and done and Kiwi seems ok with it (your calling him) so I guess that's that. So now Rob finally knows, so for his sake, that is good.
(And we don't want Jen drinking.)
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Just out of interest...how do you go about finding the phone no of someone in a foreign country whose last name you don't know? Is there something you aren't telling us about your profession, ML? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Naw, I just sell soft drinks. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Like Jen said, she sent me an email from her work one time with her last name and I put two and two together. Thanks for the kudos, y'all.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I just feel sick. So does he. I know, its numbing. Be there for one another Jen. And like Pep said, stop the damn drinking. It'll make it worse. K? Jo
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2 months before my Dday, the OW and her H had their own Dday. He threatened to call me - had my phone # - unless she went NC. She placated, lied, manipulated him, and he, poor, pathetic, spineless, conflict-avoiding soul, did not call me. And the A went on for 2 more months until I found out on my own.
How I wish he'd had the courage.
ML, I applaud your courage. Now they can get on with the business of Recovery.
Last edited by HealingT4J; 05/20/06 09:39 PM.
me-FBS M-6/84 3 great kids
A-2/03-5/04 DDay-5/8/04 WD - severe-5/04-9/04 with continuing C; NC ltr-9/3/04
In Recovery with God's help
Praying for all WS/BS. Blessings!
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I just feel sick. So does he. I truly hope your H finds peace and forgives you for this. I know I used a big 2 x 4 with you Jen.... it is my way... and had I known that you were in such a bad place... I would have just kept swinging it... out of caring. Because I don't want to see anyone go down in flames without putting up a fight. Now the hard work begins... find your center... help your man recover and pray that you can be the W that your M deserves. This is the first step and isn't it wonderful that ML got you moving in the right direction. You both will be in my prayers tonight. 2 x 4's put away... it's time to begin healing.
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Melody, you took it out of context. You need to answer the last paragraph not that one sentence!
"If you wanted to get involved, you could have called Kiwi (Jen) and told her if she didn't tell Rob TONIGHT, you would call her husband tomorrow. That would have been SO MUCH BETTER for Rob's wife to be the one to tell him about this renewed contact with OM instead of a STRANGER on an Internet forum."
But it doesn't matter now, it is over and done and Kiwi seems ok with it (your calling him) so I guess that's that. So now Rob finally knows, so for his sake, that is good.
(And we don't want Jen drinking.) did you not READ my response? I took nothing out of context, I answered your question. Let me post it again! "And it would have been completely stupid to forewarn Jen because she could have told him anything. It doesn't matter from WHOM the truth comes, just as long as the victim is made aware. "
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Grace,
have you had much experience with fogged out spouses? They don't tell the truth. If Mel had called and said "Jen, I'm going to call Rob if you don't" there is a pretty good chance Jen would have told Rob "there is this really crazy Texan on the MB site. She is spreading rumors of folks starting contact back up with OP."
Then, when Mel called, he would have laughed her off.
That would have really helped the situation.
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Grace, you need to rethink some things. Where did you get the idea Melody needed to run this by Jen? Your assumption is invalid. Integrity demands the betrayed spouse be informed and the wayward spouse has ZERO input on the deal.
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Grace, the Harley's advocate EXPOSURE...this is THEIR site...We are guests...Should guests question what the owners of this site clearly ADVOCATE?
Melody was a friend to this marriage...I don't know about you, but I don't want friends that aren't friends to my marriage...
Mrs. W
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Why is everyone making such a big deal about Mel telling Kiwi's husband. The fact that Kiwi even was posting this stuff is a testament that she WANTED to get caught. She wanted the excitement, she wanted the attention. Piojito (though I disagree with the dude nearly 100% of the time) made that point much more eloquently than I could in a post above.
And what does KiwiJ do after she gets caught and outed by Mel?....she comes right on here to post and see the reaction. Unbelievable...simply unbelievable.
Folks, wake up a little...even a moron like me can see the "game" being played.
Lem
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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Lem, you rock <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
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I guess I just had faith in Kiwi, that she would tell Rob.
I evidently was wrong as this seems to have worked out for the best for Jen and her husband. So I guess I will concede that your calling was alright, Mel.
Very few of us would have that much courage to do what you did.
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even a moron like me can see the "game" being played.
Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />I MEAN, FOR REAL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Mrs. W<------DUCKING <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
FWW ~ 47 ~ MeFBH ~ 50 ~ MrWonderingDD ~ 17 Dday ~ 2005 ~ Recovered
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Jen, I wish you and H can work through this and eventually understand it. I know it must be extremely hard. (((Kiwi))) She wanted the excitement, she wanted the attention. LM, please, this is for Jen to figure out. As for wanting excitement... well what about us? we are here reading this, after all.
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this is THEIR site...We are guests...Should guests question what the owners of this site clearly ADVOCATE? Well, I don't necessarilly agree with this MSwondering.......AT ALL. That kind of thinking creates.."stepfords".."heretics".... I am a board certified surgeon with a fellowship in critical care and trauma, I have an assistant professorship at a very well respected academic institution....and I get questioned every day by residents, patients, nurses, families....and you know what.....? Sometimes I am wrong. NOONE HUMAN is beyond question. Not even Steven Harley. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Lem
Some people just don't get it, they don't get it that they don't get it.
I had the right to remain silent.......but I didn't have the ability.
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Lem is a
[color:"red"]Catholic moron [/color]
as am I
~~~ Mel done good
end of story
Pep
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this is THEIR site...We are guests...Should guests question what the owners of this site clearly ADVOCATE? Well, I don't necessarilly agree with this MSwondering.......AT ALL. That kind of thinking creates.."stepfords".."heretics".... I am a board certified surgeon with a fellowship in critical care and trauma, I have an assistant professorship at a very well respected academic institution....and I get questioned every day by residents, patients, nurses, families....and you know what.....? Sometimes I am wrong. NOONE HUMAN is beyond question. Not even Steven Harley. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> Lem Not at my work, I'm the Queenie there and no one questions my decision making, else off with their head. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
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