Today is DD outing with WH. I was heading home as the two of them was heading out so we pass each other.

I saw my DD waving at me barely peeping over the dashboard. BUT My dear WH was busy looking downwards and facing away from the window and did not even look at me!!! I am dumbfounded.

Is this guilt? Is he so ashamed of himself that he could not even look at me??? Or is he sooooo angry with me for ignoring his text messages and putting up new boundaries???

Someone tell me that plan B is working. It has been 4 months. This month is my darkess plan B ever and i am very confident with myself that i can go on with my plan B but to see the person you loved and cared for 18 years...and he could not even look at you is very sad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

zizz - hard to say what he's thinking. How do you even know he knew you were there?

Could be guilt. Could be the opposite - defiance.

I validate your yearning to know more. But you can't know much of anything about him for sure.

But you can know a lot about yourself.

Plan B isn't working as well as it can if you're having these anxieties. But it WILL get better.

Remember, Plan B works for YOU!

It can have an effect on WSs, but this is not what its primary purpose is.

I found Plan B very effective to help me stop trying to figure out what every word and action of my WS meant - a normal BS futile undertaking.

Knowing less about what the WS is saying and doing automatically equates to trying to figure out less. Pretty soon, you realize that your continuing diagnoses was a waste of time.

This all pretty much goes back to Rule #2 - there is almost nothing you can do to stop the affair. Once you expose it, you're pretty much done other than to fix your contributions to the poor marital environment that lead to the affair, i.e. Plan A. Once Plan B is entered, the WS is cut free and the affair has to run its course.

Hang tough and be the best you can be for your daughter.

Worth...i know WH knew i was there because DD could barely see over the dashboard. No way for her to see me without him telling DD first.

Anyway...you are right...no point thinking about him. This is the part i am still struggling...trying to stop thinking about him and the affair.

It was a chance encounter.

3 weeks ago i put up new boundaries regarding outings DD. I also told WH i would no longer reply to his text messages and have kept to my word. I no longer interact with WH regarding DD. I used to then i realised that it was slowly cracking my plan B and i was setting up for another round of hurt. I also have no intermediary...tough but still workable if you write everything down specifically time, date, etc. I also do not allow replacement of outing even if he has a good reasons because i do not believe WH anymore. WH could be doing a picnic with OW for all i know!

I really dont care about WH anymore. I dont want to act nice to him either because at the end i get hurt.

This affair has hurt me deeply. Sometimes i feel it is hopeless to stay or to reconcile because there is too much hurt and pain. I really dont know what i want anymore.

Oh now {{Ziz}},

You sound like me on my other post! See what even a little interaction with the WS does to us! UGH.

I wouldn't worry about LOOKS or anything from WH now.Jeepers.Maybe he didn't look at you for embarrassment sake or he is ashamed.I don't look at my WH when he comes home to see the kids.I can't look at him or into his eyes anymore.Probably does wonders for any kind of reconciliation.My WH thinks if I can't even look at him,why should he even attempt anything.

I agree,don't read anything into it.Move on past it.You just never know with these WS's what they are thinking.Now you get yourself back into that Plan young lady! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

o

Octobergirl, yes, we are both going through the same feelings. I am trouble with this A day and night but I still do not think that a divorce will end it all.

I used to think divorce works two ways&#8230;either WH comes flying home or I find some kind of closure. If WH comes home then I am lucky but what if he doesn&#8217;t? I doubt I will find closure by divorcing WH because I read books on divorce and there is nothing there that says the feelings will end immediately.

The resentment, hurt, rage and humiliation&#8230;it is inside me. I am fighting it everyday. I think I want to reach a stage of calm and peace when I do plan D. I don&#8217;t want to do plan D when my feeling is still in turmoil.

It is hard to go on, knowing that WH is continuing with his betrayal every single minute and how WH torments me with his selfishness. I keep telling myself everyday that I don&#8217;t care but I do care. I say I must move on but I get pull back into those suffocating moments.

Yet&#8230;each day I am still here. When I think back&#8230;I did move on&#8230;I am living and supporting myself without WH. The best part is that I have gone super dark without the need to break it. I have reached a point where I am quite happy with my plan B that I do not want to break it. The pain is still there without doubt but it is sort of a dull pain instead of a sharp one because WH is not around to remind me of it.

Yes&#8230;I have thoughts of wanting to win this war but I don&#8217;t want the prize. I have put a deadline to divorce him just to satisfy a part of me. I will cross that part when the time comes. If I think I can go on with plan B then I will and if I think this is it then I will proceed with plan D.

A Friend of mine told me&#8230;you only stay if you think you can take him back and live with this memory for the rest of your life. If you cannot live with this then you might as well go ahead with the divorce and not wait. In other words&#8230;forgive and forget.

No matter how hurt I am now, I still cannot decide if plan D is what I really want. When I do plan D I want to be sure it is the right thing to do. It is also hard to do plan D for me because I know that WH does not really want a divorce. It is frustrating to be in this position to know that he is still undecided. It makes me feel like my WH is a wimp and if he comes home then I have to settle with THIS person!!! Not only a wimp but a selfish one, untrustworthy and had hurt me beyond pain!!!! Am I ready for that? I really do not know.

My comfort is the knowledge that I am in plan B. I put optimistic thoughts around plan B and they are&#8230;

1. OW will not get WH as long as I don&#8217;t divorce him and with WH waffling OW might push the decision on her side and cause friction in their relationship.

2. I want plan B to push them together so they can both reach a stage where reality sinks in and the &#8220;in love&#8221; effect blows over.

3. Silence is revenge. Every time he tries to contact me and I do not respond&#8230;I feel strong!!! Na Na Na to WH&#8230;

4. Plan B gives me control of the situation. WH cannot hurt me in plan B unless I allow it to happen.

5. I have only done plan B for 4 months&#8230;I think can still go on a little bit longer

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />