Just wondering if anyone has ever written a NC letter and not followed through? and if so what did you tell the OW?? I don't have any proof that my H has done so because there is too much distance between us for me to know for sure what he is doing when. I only know what he tells me and from all the lies is hard to believe him. Just wondering if the OW was told things like:
Had to do if cause my W made me but I didn't really mean it.
Or I didn't write that, my W must have done it!
Or anything else!??

Not really sure how after a NC letter the OW would want to see or talk to the H. Does the OW not hope for some kind of future or is she ok with being the OW?

Any FWH's out there that can help with there worries or bad "day" dreams that I have??

mom, it happens all the time. The no contact letter means nothing unless the WS follows through. They often send it and tell the OP they were pressured to do so. And then others do mean it and follow through. You just have to do some detective work to find out which it is.

Okay so I have another question...my H had to write the NC letter and e-mail it to both the OW and me because we are thousands of miles apart (my H and I) and it was the only way it could be done right now. But my question is what if the NC letter is written and it is not worded in a way that is satisfactory to me? Am I being "pickey"?? Should he write another one that I am happier with?

What was wrong with the letter?

I don't know....my H is not very good with words and he didn't really follow the guidelines that are recomended by Dr. Harley. He did say that there can be no contact and that his family is the most important thing in the world to him. I guess i wish that he would have let me help him with the wording but then it wouldn't have come from him!? Should I be satisfied that it was written and not worry about how it was written?

Mom, I am only going to give you the example of what happened in my particular case. Because my H wrote a NC then broke it and has written his second one. The first NC letter written on March 27 was just basically we cant see each other, bla, bla bla. NO meaning in it, and wasn't really firm. Said nothing about his wife or family. 5 days later OW wanted to meet with WH and the A started up again in full force. I had NO CLUE!

I then kicked my H out on Mothers Day and went straight into Plan B. The reason I had to do a Plan B was because I was EXTREMELY ANGRY! SO angry to the point of anytime I spoke to him it was never a good conversation and I LB'd him and DJ's him left and right and up and down. I could not no matter how much I tried, be nice to him.

He ended the Affair on the 19th and wrote a NC letter. HE wrote it. I gave him some suggestions given to me by Snowbelle, who has helped me so much thru all this. He looked at the sugestions and put them into his own words. He gave me the letter for review, and asked me if I wanted to add anything else. I made a small suggestion and he said it was fine to add it. I have typed the letter up and we will send it out Certified mail together.

The letter you H wrote my be written by him, not you. If he has already sent it off, do not make him write another one..As long as it has said that he wants NC and he wants to work on his M that is fine. The letter should be short and to the point. Here is my H letter...The bold part is what I added in there!

OW: I have chosen to be with my wife and family. Our Affair was a mistake and it has deeply hurt my wife. Through it all she has stuck with me and I cherish and love her for that. I love my wife and want nothing more than to be the Husband that she deserves. We must have no contact at all. NO phone calls, NO pages and NO emails ever again. Do not give me messages thru third parties. All professional matters can be handled thru co workers.

Well see that is one part missing in my husband's letter....the part about how he loves me. I don't know, maybe I am being overly sensitive. Here is the letter he sent and maybe you could give me your opinion.

" I am writing this because my wife and I need to be sure we will never hear from either of you. I realize that I did a lot of work in your house M***** and if there any problems that arise with that work you may contact wone of my co-workers to deal with them. I have severly damaged my marriage with what has gone on and I want to fix the damage I caused with my wife. I will not speak to either of you in public or otherwise. I will have to ignore you as I realize now that my family is the most important thing in my life."

Now to explain the " both of you"...The girl he had the EA with lives with her single mother Aunt and they are apparantly joined at the hip. The aunt owns the house the work was done in and knew about everything! My H worked in that house from Nov on and I guess became "friends" with these 2 woman due to being there just about everyday! The EA started in the late part of Feb. Anyway.....I just don't feel satisfied with this letter but like I said before maybe I am being overly sensitive? Should I be satisfied with this letter? It is what mt3b says it should be....short and to the point. Any input is appreciated!

Sorry bumping because I really want someone's opinion one my H's NC letter. You know how you just sit and think about certain things over and over, well that letter I can't get off my mind. It just makes it so hard with so much distance between my H and I. I wish it could be different but with him being a serial cheater I really need to be certain!!

I think it is a good letter, Mom. My H did not put in that he loved his wife either. But when he asked if I had anything else I wanted to add, I simply stated if he could put that in there and he did. Your letter does point out a lot of good things though so lets look at the positive.
I am writing this because my wife and I need to be sure we will never hear from either of you.
This states that he and YOU do not want to see her again...POSITIVE.

you may contact wone of my co-workers to deal with them
again, this states that if she needs anything else, not to contact him directly but to use a coworker instead...POSITIVE

I have severly damaged my marriage with what has gone on and I want to fix the damage I caused with my wifeThis sentence right here says a lot. He is saying that he is sorry that he has hurt you and that he wants very badly to fix it. He is saying that he loves you in this sentence, he just does not use the words I LOVE.

I realize now that my family is the most important thing in my life
This is great! He has told the OW that you and his family are the most important thing to him. He has realized that and he wants to move forward.

He is teling OW that it is over and that what he has done is a mistake. Nowhere in the rules does it state that he has to tell the OW that he loves you. Most NC letters probably wont say that anyway, cuz most WS dont feel the love they have for their BS at the time. I really think it is a good letter. It gets the point across and that is all it needs to do.

Thank-you m23b!! I feel much better. Sometimes it's hard to look at things as they are when you are so personally involved! Your advice to me in this forum has been very helpful and I really appreciate it!

Put your 3 boys and my 4 together and we almost have a ball team!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

ditto for what mt3b says. even though i have not experienced a NC myself, it still sounds good.

it's too bad that the very people you asked to reply (FWH) didn't reply. i wonder if that means anything.

prayers to you.