I need some advice. (Maybe advice isn't the right word....reaffirmation that I am not nuts?) Even though my D is final, I still harbor hatred for OW. It bugs the crap out of me that she thinks that I am some evil person who is stalking my xh. I would love the chance to tell her the truth about what really went on behind her back. I would love to play for her the numerous voice mails I have saved of my xh professing his love me and the fact that he's using her because she pays his bills. I don't want this to save her from him, but to hurt her. As far as I'm concerned, she is the reason we never reconciled, although I am fully aware he played a huge part in that, also.

It's been a year since I left him. Our D is only recently final. We still talk, lately it's been more arguing than anything, but he still professes his love for me. I don't want him back. I love him, but I know he is no good for me.

I know it wouldn't do any good to tell her the truth. And I also feel a bit hypocritical because at one time I was just as bad as she. (During my separation, I had an A with a MM who was also separated for similar reasons. I have only recently come to terms with my own fog in that and my own blindness.)

I guess if MM's W ever came to me and wanted to lay into me, at this point in time, I would be like..."you're right, I was those things, I was wrong, and I'm sorry." (Not really expecting forgiveness, but just acknowledging the truth.) But, I know that OW would just think I was the crazy, stalking, xw she's been told I am.

I guess the difference is that I have morals, and she doesn't. Granted, I let go of mine for a brief time, but they're back now. And maybe that's contradictory...to say I have morals, but want to bash this woman's world in.

I don't know. On one hand it would give me great, albeit, brief pleasure. And on the other hand I know it wouldn't do any good.

I just think it is totally unfair that she's going through all of this without a care in the world, while I went through pure hell while my M crumbled down around me.

<small>[ May 29, 2004, 09:24 PM: Message edited by: Trinity Brianne ]</small>

What is the old saying? Resentment is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die.

Quit torturing yourself with this crap. There is nothing you can send her that will make her as miserable as you are now. When I get obsessed with a resentment, I train my mind to STOP when it comes back. Your resentment can't hurt her, TB, it can only hurt you.

P.S. telling her this won't make you any less miserable, I promise you. Her reaction will just fan the flames.

thanks Melody!

Since posting this, I thought of something: my s is spending part of the summer with xh. he tells me everything (my little spy! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) he says ow checks caller id everyday when coming home from work to see if I called. Also, he says, they argue and fight every day, and frequently my name comes up by her. Also, my mil lives with them, and she makes no bones about how she feels about me and about ow. Nor does the rest of xh's family. So, I guess she probably still feels that I am a threat and that I'm sure makes her a bit miserable. So, I will just have to settle for that. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> It's better than nothing! Not only that, I believe what comes around goes around, and I just hope that I'm around to see her fall from her own doing.

Hello Trinity--

I am sorry you are where you are now. I can understand your anger. No you're not nuts. I felt the same way about OW. I wanted to hurt her too. But you know the bible says, vengence belongs to the Lord.

Tri, if you did play those tapes or went out to hurt her, it would only confirm her thoughts about you. She would eventually find out who your H really is. She'll have to deal with her own uncertainties about his love for her. She will have to deal him grieving his loss for you and your child. If I know OWs, they think they are 'saving' their poor men from an unhappy marriage and a crazy wife... till they find out how dysfunctional their men really are. LOL. It'll be not be easy, believe me.

When I found out about the lies my H told OW, I felt only pity for her. He fooled her for two years. He took two years of her precious youth. I was unaware of the A and OW's brother saw H and I in malls and other places holding hands and he told OW we looked like a happy couple, not at all like the way he led her to believe. She was lied to, and used.

I believe very strongly that a person who has no qualms sleeping around with MMs will eventually end up messing her own life as well. Tri, I would leave it to the Lord and maintain my dignity. And class. Best revenge is always to make your life so good that H and OW marvel at your 'rebirth' after divorce and wonder what the heck mess they are left with. Go, girl! Rebuild yourself. Show 'em.

Ruffled~

I guess it's because of what you are saying that I haven't yet said or done anything to let the OW know what WS is doing to her. I have left it up the Lord, and like I said, I believe vengence is being served already, without me having to do a thing. He is treating her like crap just like he did me. I wonder if she thinks about what I told her in the beginning of it all almost a year ago?

I asked her then what she though she could do differently than I? I mean, I was his W for 14 years and I couldn't change him, what made her think she could? I told her that she was not the first, second, third, fourth, or fifth OW in our M, and she should definately not for one second think that she would be the last, or that she would convert him into monogomy...he will cheat on her too. I told her that he never worked to support our family, and she shouldn't expect him to do it for her, and that she should maybe think about the fact that she is only filling in the financial shoes I left behind when I walked out. I also told her to be prepared to be his verbal punching bag. It may be all sweetness and foo foo now, but that will change soon enough.

So, I wonder if she thinks about that now that my predictions have come true? And I do sometimes feel sorry for her.

Last week, WS was telling me about a fight they had over her kids. He told her he wanted all of them to get out. He said she started crying and was whimpering all night long. My first reaction was, "awwwe, my heart bleeds for her" And then I said, "you're telling me this because....???" He said, "I thought you'd get a kick out of it," and then he laughed about it. And then I said, "well, actually, all you've done is remind me that you haven't changed at all. I remember laying in bed crying too because of something you did or said to me to break my heart or spirit." He said, "well, I just thought you'd think it was funny." I said, "I don't find it funny at all, in fact it makes me feel sorry for her. And you are telling me this as some kind of token of your loyalty to me??? That's messed up.

But then I get mad that I feel sorry for her, because I don't want to. I tried to tell her what kind of man he is. Many people tried to tell her what a good person I am and that he treated me like crap. So many people tried to tell her that we were still seeing each other for the the first few months, and again recently before the D finalized, to try to reconcile. She chose to ignore all that was smack in front of her and in doing so, my M ended. Maybe, probably, it was for the best, but there is a part of me that still wonders if through counselling and the right kind of communication skills if we could have rebuilt our M into something healthy and not destructive as it was before. But probably not.

Anyway, I will try to control those vengeful thoughts, and do what you said Ruffled...rebuild my life into something beautiful and healthy, so that when they do see me, they will marvel! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> (which will lead me into my next new post...)