Nine line bind,
Yes, my father’s involvement with this woman definitely had a major influence on my wrong perceptions about opposite sex friendships and allowed me to interpret things very wrongly and differently... Because of this, I confused “close friendship” with EA during my friendship with OM and this is also the reason why I engaged in the "love building" activity. I didn’t view it as “love building” activity but as “friendship building” activity. I was of the opinion that there is nothing wrong with close opposite sex friendships, as long there is no inappropriate physical (sensual/sexual) involvement and no declaration (verbal expression) of feelings of love towards each other (in other words, things that only belongs in M and between two spouses). But after my involvement with OM I have realized that close opposite sex friendship is indeed very damaging and a potential thread for any marriage and that friendships like this (especially were there is a close emotional attachment en dependence) are the ‘silent enemy’ and ‘silent killer’ because on the eye it ‘seems’ so innocent. I think when you have a friendship with someone first and then it becomes something a little deeper, naturally it hits you blindsided. I have never had a close friendship with the opposite sex before turn emotional on me like this and I know that I will never trust men or myself in a friendship like I used to.
During my friendship with OM I have learned to care very much for him as a person (the way you would care for a dear friend) but eventually the friendship escalated to a level where I also became emotionally attached and dependant on him and also started to develop romantic feelings for him. So I have learned to care for OM as a person AND became emotionally and physically attracted to him although I never acted on my feelings verbally and physically in any way. The funny thing is I mostly corresponds and support OM through e-mail during working hours, so the only EN OM really fill for me was the need for conversation but I developed those inappropriate feelings for him anyway. In the process I have learned about my own weaknesses and vulnerabilities and how to safeguard and set boundaries for myself and my M in future. One of my greatest weaknesses is that I have a tendency to became easily dependant and emotionally too close to any person that shows a genuine interest and care in me as a person (and who allow me to give the same in return), and this makes me too vulnerable for opposite sex friendships. I have a strong desire to feel 'needed' and be of help and support to other people. Therefore, my biggest boundary is to only allow male friends who is a friend or married couple of
both me and my H and where
both me and my H can share time with the person or couple. Close friendships is still very important to me and it is very important for me to have strong bonds with people, but other than my H who is my
best friend, I only allow myself to build strong friendships with friends of the same sex now.
I hope my post make sense and that my post could clear some issues for you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
<small>[ June 01, 2004, 05:31 AM: Message edited by: Suzet ]</small>
