OK, I have a question.
Is it strange to remain best friends after separating, and WH lying about everything and finding out he is living with OW?
We were best friends in our marriage up until he confessed his A. Now that he has told me everything he said he feels so much better, we talk all the time, he comes by to see his kids everyday, he is in the middle of adopting my oldest DS, he says its nice to have his best friend back. I've asked him how she felt about us being close, he said it doesn't bother her. I asked him if she made him chose who he would pick, he said me and the kids of course.
I am still hurt and devasted we are separted but I lovethe fact we can still be friends. I am confused though.

What is the percentage rate of separated spouse and OW working out if they live together?
How long until the WS realizes what they have done and want to come home?
Is it wrong to remain best friends while going through this? I don't know what to do!

I guess it depends on you and what boundaries you feel you need to set. My WH and I separate about 4 wks ago. He has been having an EA (acc to him--tho he did tell me he would have slept with her, but she wouldn't do it) with a girl in another country. For the last few weeks we have been having very good talks that last for hours. I was trying to be there for him and help him work thru his problems (there are other probs he is having to deal with that I felt were more important right now than our marriage). I helped him find an IC, poured out my heart to him, and he poured his out to me. Then, the other day I asked if he were still in contact with the OW, and he very casually said that he talked to her several times a week, and wasn't planning on stopping. Well, that did it for me. I sent him an e-mail telling him that there would be no more contact between us except for discussing kids or money. I had been trying to be a friend to him because I knew he had no one else who knew and understood his issues. Did he appreciate it or have any respect for me and our family? Hell no. He is so lost in the fog that all he can see is himself. Big time cake eating. Well, no more for me, I can't expose myself to his selfishness anymore. I felt I had to do this to protect my own emotional health. Do I miss him and miss talking to him? Of course. But he's made his bed, and he has to lie in it and figure out his own mess now. If he never does, I still have to demand respect for myself.

imkwatkins, being "friends" with the WS actually enables the affair. You are helping him avoid the consquences and hurting yourself and your children in the process.

The reason he wants to be your friend is so that he won't have to face the destruction in his path. He wants you act normally after he has destroyed you and your family. This helps him avoid what he has done and avoid the consequential, and rightful guilt. See, as long as you are "friends" with him he has no motivation to end the affair because he has your blessing.

I would let him know that you are not his friend, you are his wife. The worst thing you can do is agree to this twisted set up.

Would you choose a friend who:

1. lied to you?
2. cheated on you
3. betrayed you
4. abandoned his children
5. abandoned his wife

all for his own selfish desires? That is not most people's idea of a "friend."

<small>[ November 07, 2004, 05:12 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

imkwatkins, are you familiar with Plan A? The book Surviving an Affair will give you an excellent overview of Plan A. The purpose of Plan A is to do everything in your power to end the affair, rather than enable it. Are you familiar with the Marriage Builders program?