i think one of your posts on your other thread mentioned that you saw a call from the OW or to the OW on your H's cellphone relatively recently, is that correct? well in any case if you saw the call after the time he told you that the A had ended then i think that says it all in itself.

<small>[ June 02, 2004, 12:58 PM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

Ok, new version of Plan B letter.

My Dearest WH,


It is with the heaviest of hearts that I write you this letter. I am deeply saddened by what has become of us, our friendship, and our marriage.

The fifteen years that we have been married are filled with an endless number of hugs, smiles, tears, laughs and our two lovely children. We have experienced so much and every moment that I spend with you is more wonderful than the last. I have been blessed by having you as my friend, lover, and husband.

I realize how my behavior caused you to believe that you were not my first priority. You are the true joy in my life and I am afraid I just wasn’t able to show you that in the way you needed to see it. I never intentionally meant to hurt you or make you unhappy. I am truly sorry for my part in bringing us to this point and I have been taking steps to learn how to be a better partner and lover to you. When I married you, I vowed to be by your side for the rest of our lives. I am still deeply committed to you and improving our relationship.

The past few months have been the most difficult time of my life. The relationship that you are having outside of our marriage has broken my heart and is too painful for me to bear. My only saving grace is the thought of us being together and happy again some day. As a wife who loves you, I cannot keep you here against your will.

Your act of disappearance without any consideration of our family hurts me very deeply now. When I see you or talk with you, knowing you will be gone in some unexpected time with whomever inflicts too much pain for me. To preserve the love I have for you, I must insist that we have no contact with each other. Our friend D and A has agreed to act as an intermediary. Any and all communication with me needs to go through them by phone 313-xxx-xxx, or e-mail. Please do not call me, email me, or come to the house.

I am not trying to keep the kids from you. Right now I ask you to take them every Tuesday and Thursday evening and Saturday whole day. We can make arrangements through D and A for any additional time you want to see them. They love their daddy and need to see you as often as possible. I only ask that DD and DS NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT with any woman in your relationship. They are still very young and impressionable. Let’s continue to protect them.

I am not doing this to punish you, only to protect the love that I have for you. When you are ready to recommit to us, then I will be happy to discuss rebuilding our family and marriage. I sincerely want us to be able to rebuild our love and commitment and create a new life together in which everything we do makes us both happy, so there will never again be a reason for us to separate. I love you with all my heart.

With all my love,

i know you've been working hard on this letter and that is apparent. i think it's pretty good but do have a few suggestions. that's why i wanted you to post it here and not rush into plan B so that you could get the best letter possible and be prepared.

when you say "endless number of hugs, tears, etc." well that's not really true now in your M because it hasn't been that way. take it out.

when you say "every moment i spend w/you is more wondeful than the last." well we ALL KNOW for a fact this isn't true and often leaves you feeling worse. so take it out.

when you say "ready to commit" you have got to say what guidlines you have for that. like NC w/OW, MC, etc. that way if/when he breaks plan B and tries to get you to talk to him then you can refer him back to the PBL. if/when he does come back or want to then you can ask him if he has agreed to the conditions you stated in the letter like NC and MC, etc. if he doesn't agree then refer him back to the letter and go dark. make it clear to him what is needed for you in order to work on the M.

these are JMO and i'm sure you will continue to get some more suggestions, God bless, RR

roughroad has a good point. If you state your conditions as she suggested - no contact with OW, MC, etc. then it doesn't really matter if he's seeing OW now or not.

You're not saying "end it with OW" you're saying "NC with OW".

I like that. It's a solution to your dilemma of not really knowing if he's in contact w/her or not right now.