<small>[ June 04, 2004, 09:05 AM: Message edited by: zizzycool ]</small>

I do not think that a letter to a twenty something year old will end the affair. I think that you need to work with a H to get any kind of progress there. If your H won't stop seeing an OW after you have said you know about it, I would guess that you would have to tell him it would be over if he won't stop the A! That is personally just what my opinion is.

What good would it do to expose that you know to the A partner. It just opens up another door to more useless communication. There is no leverage there. If she were married, and had some kind of honor to someone else that she was cheating on, then you have leverage.

If the whole office already knows, does your H know that? Does he care?

If he is invested in your marriage, you have leverage. If you have a home, and children, there is more leverage.

Just my thoughts. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Cardinal you are right and WAT you're the genius...last night while tossing and turning in bed thinking about to write anonymous letter to OW or write signed letter to Boss...i finally decided letter to Boss is a better idea.

At the beginning i was worried about his job and how much his income is contributing to the household expense. I doubt he would be able to find a better job that pays this well because of his position in this company after working for years.

Then again, if i dont do anything...we might divorce. I will lose a husband, my DD will not have a family but we will still have income.

If i send letter, possibility of WH getting fired is there but i might be able to save my marriage. Marriage is more important than job or income.

I am going to think some more about this. I am after all is in a dark plan B...have reach the point where i kind of dont care...one minute i want him back and the next minute i dont want. Scale is tipping more on i dont want him back and work on recovery yet.

Cardinal,

I know for me, if someone had told my FBF was married, he would not have been able to become such a big part of my life. It would have saved countless people from taking part in the lie -
Me, my beautiful innocent daughter, my friends, family. We all were part of an affair and did not even know.

Also, if she would have wrote a letter to me, letting me know that I was destroying her life, that she loved her husband. She never once contacted me. I still don't know if she wanted the divorce or if she is hurt.

Like WAT said if the motives are pure, only good comes out ot the truth. Tell your truth always, I say.

I exposed my W A but only to 3 people. I told my W mother, sister and my brother. I told them all that my W was having an affair and that I loved her very much and that they shouldn't blame her but encourage her to do what was right and end the A and recommit to her marriage and family. I did it to get help in ending the A not out of revenge. I chose not to tell others because I didn't want them to hold this against my W if we were to work things out. It has helped me to expose it because they have supported me through this. In fact, my W mother and I talk almost weekly about how things are doing. My W sister also calls me occasionaly to see how things are going. In fact, she found out my W had talked to OM and confronted her and told her she was mad at her for doing this without my knowing. They have both been very supportive of me and very helpful. Again, as has been stated, exposure has to be done for the right reasons-to stop the affair,gain support not revenge.