This may begin boring to you, but bear with me...

My husband and I are far from each other at this time. He cannot come back in the country because he left without parole. To return he has to wait for another visa which is in process but will take probably till the end of the year.

He regrets what he did. He returned to his country out of despair (culture shock? who knows? I ask abd he doesn't understand what happened to him either). He thought he could find a job there quicker. Upon his return he "reconciled" with his ex. He said he thought she might have changed since she offered to help pay his plane ticket back to his home country. Just to clear things,this was a relationship that supposedly ended before I came in. He left me pregnant to make matters worse.

Now he wants to be back with me. He said he realizes his mistake. He's sorry for what he did. He doesn't live with his ex, but to keep "the waters calm" he is "acting" as if there is still a relationship there. According to his word, this is to avoid problems until he is able to find a job and pay his ex child support. See when he got back to that country things didn't go as he thought. To this day he has been unemployed, desperately seeking a job with no luck, family is outraged by what he did including friends, his ex treats him like "crap."

SOOO since he regrets what he did and wants to "fix" things I thought ok. Let's give it another chance, but it's just hard for me. How do you forgive or forget after what has occured? How do you put up with the thoughts that they were in bed? How do you not give up on the relationship? How do I believe that he loves me when he says it? I have so many insecurities left in me after this that I have my doubts at times it will work. I do know that he got back with her because of his need for physical atrractiveness. It's not that I'm ugly or extremely fat, I weighed between 125-130 at 5 feet, but my body is not "tight" I guess.

I read peoples post here, and sometimes I wonder....how do you do it? How do you deal with the hurt and continue on? How can your spouse be trusted? I've read the marriage builders concepts....but I can't get over what happened and how I feel about it...and anytime he tries to be loving through IM or phone I don't respond. It doesn't feel real or genuine to me. I find it hard to believe him and in my mind I say "yeah right!." So I think his effort in depositing love units are not getting in.

Do you ever feel like throwing in the towel? I know I do. It's hard.

Originally posted by FlorDeLuz:
He doesn't live with his ex, but to keep "the waters calm" he is "acting" as if there is still a relationship there. According to his word, this is to avoid problems until he is able to find a job and pay his ex child support. See when he got back to that country things didn't go as he thought. To this day he has been unemployed, desperately seeking a job with no luck, family is outraged by what he did including friends, his ex treats him like "crap."

First of all ... your H is exposing HIS character (lack of ethics) by treatment of his XW. The mother of his child(ren).

He is willing to deceive his XW in order to get what he wants from her.

He is DIShonest with his XW. This means he is WILLING to sacrifice his honesty to get what he wants.

He'll do the same TO you .... if he thought he might benifit.

I read peoples post here, and sometimes I wonder....how do you do it? How do you deal with the hurt and continue on? How can your spouse be trusted?

Your spouse can be trusted only after he shows a consistent willingness to live truthfully... even truthfully dealing with issues between his XW and himself.

Do not trust a liar. Even if they are lying to another woman this time, instead of you. The liar can turn on you quick as a blink of an eye.

It doesn't feel real or genuine to me.

Me either.

I find it hard to believe him and in my mind I say "yeah right!." So I think his effort in depositing love units are not getting in.

You show a healthy selp-protective nature. Good for you.

Do you ever feel like throwing in the towel? I know I do. It's hard.

If throwing in the towel becomes the best choice for you .... you'll recognize it.

I think you're doing great!

Pep

You give me a view that I didn't see or saw and failed to recognize. I'm glad I posted this.

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and make different choices in regards to this relationship with him.

Thanks