I was hoping to put off Plan B for a couple of weeks (mostly b/c of kid's schedule), but went into plan B last Friday without a formal letter. I just couldn't take anymore contact with WS. We just kept getting closer and closer, yet he continued affair. Everytime he was away for a few days he would say how much he missed me and kids.

He was spending way too much time at our house even though he had moved out 5 months ago. He came over nearly everyday to get kids ready for school while I went to work early. Also very involved in kids sports. Even my MC indicated that she had never heard of a WH being to attached and that he was definitely getting something from me that he wasn't getting from OW.

So, Friday I told WH (very calmly and with a lot of love) that I had to end contact with him and that he would have the kids every other weekend and (and any time that he wanted). Explained how I was losing strength and wanted to preserve my love for him. He agreed that this was best for our relationship. Told me to stay strong and that he loved me.

So, I went into Plan B without a formal letter. Now after the weekend, WH sends me this pathetic email:

"I know you don't want to talk to me so I thought I would send you an email. I think keeping me away is very strong and smart of you. I want you to know if you need anything during "what I'm causing" please let me know. I would like to write a lot more but I don't want to bring this to work anymore than I already have.

I do love you and owe you so much. No matter what you tell the kids I will always say you are right and the best mother in the world. No matter how you act toward me I know I deserve it. About the kids.... signed Still your Husband."

I emailed back very direct "please no emails, no contact" and asked WH to contact intermediary if he had any questions. I also let WH know that I would email schedule for kids.

His reply was very different from his first email. Very curt. My guess is that I didn't respond the way he would have liked me to(at least not what he expected). He also said in his reply that we should email about kids and that he has no intentions of going through intermediary yet.

What now? Do I see how often he trys to contact me via email. He also said that he will call my cell phone and leave messages about plans with kids. Told me to not answer, but just listen to messages and that if I didn't call back, he would take this to mean that I agreed with his plans.

Doesn't this seem like he is still in control? Should I give him a formal Plan B letter?

<small>[ November 07, 2004, 12:27 AM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

You need to get a Plan B letter written ASAP and delivered to him. He is refusing to use the intermediary because he wants to have contact with you still. He wants that little bit of control! Do not fall for it. I just came out of Plan B successfully and the Plan does work. I was only in it for 10 days. Had a few calls from WH and a emails.

My WH did use our intermediary...I at first told him that he could email me regarding kids, etc..but it was just too painful and my emails back to him were very business like. I finally told him after the 3rd one not to email again.

Block your WH email addy and change the cell number if you ahve to...Him leaving you messages is the same as having contact. He hears your voice. You hear his. Very painful for you, he gets his "fix"...That is what my WH would say. I would ask him why he was calling. He would say "I just needed to hear your voice"...ARGH!

You need to get him that Plan B letter ASAP. You can do this...Just be stron.g Do not read any more emails and listen to any phone cmsgs.

bump^^^^^^

FE, did you read mom and cellophane's posts? They are exactly right. Your H is trying to reassert control over this situation and your silence, sans letter, is only going to hurt the situation.

HE needs that letter, he needs to be reminded that you do love him and that you mean serious business here. The letter is his ROAD MAP back to you. They often read those letters over and over again. He might forget the loving words you said the last time you spoke, but he won't be able to forget a letter in his hand. It is absolutely important.

And I would not comply with his little system of contact. That will cause you enormous grief to hear his voice every day. I would say in the letter that he needs to channel all contact through the intermediary, that you won't be responding to any of his voice mails.

Please get that letter to him ASAP. And congratulations on making a very decision! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

And I laughed out loud when he commented that he is not ready to communicate via the intermediary. Well, PAL, get ready, because that is how we are going to communicate!!!!

I agree with everyone's comments. Get your plan B letter together and let everyone review it. Then, send it along (get the MB opinion on whether you even send the Plan B letter via the intermediary). Spell out in the letter that you will be communicating re: finances, children, etc. via the intermediary (so, there you have it, WH, get READY). I think you will be happier to be removed from the daily drama, and your WH will be unhappy to be removed from your life. Hopefully it will be enough to end the A.

Hang in there, and welcome to Plan B. You have a lot of company on this board!

Thanks everyone. I have posted a Plan B letter for review. And you were right. I re-read his emails to me today 98 times trying analyze and re-analyze them. Of course, I only thought of WH all day and got nothing done at work. Not what you call a productive Plan B.

He'll get one tomorrow.