I went into Plan B without a formal letter (see other thread)--just told WH. He thought it was good idea and would be good for our relationship (he wants to be 100% sure before coming back home).

Anyway, he emailed a pathetic (your so strong and smart to keep me away) letter and when I responded "no contact," he said that he would not use our intermediary to discuss kids just yet. So I'm sending him a formal letter. Please take a look at it:

WH,

I could never have imagined being where we are right now, living apart from one another and you involved in a relationship with another woman. I am heart broken and sad beyond belief, especially knowing that I helped create an environment in which you choose to have an affair rather than work together on our marriage. I am truly sorry for neglecting all that you needed to make our marriage flourish. I truly believe that we have what it takes to make an incredible life together filled with love, affection, and joy.

Your continued affair with OW hurts me very deeply. When I see you or talk with you, knowing you are with her fills me with too much pain. To preserve the love I have for you, I must insist that we have no contact with each other. (BIL)has agreed to act as an intermediary. Any and all communication with me needs to go through (BIL). Do not call me, email me, or come to the house.

I am not trying to keep the kids from you. We can make arrangements (through BIL) anytime you want to see them. They love their daddy and need to see you as often as possible. I only ask that DD and DS NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT with OW. They are still very young and impressionable. Let’s continue to protect them.

I am not doing this to punish you, only to protect the love that I have for you. When you end your affair with OW, then we can discuss our future together and work on our marriage. But, I will need to know that you are committed to our marriage and that OW is no longer part of your life.

With all my love,


I was also thinking of finding OW's parents address and sending them a copy of the letter. I'll definitely send a copy to OW, once I find out her address.

I thought it was pretty good, but I am not as tenured as the experts on this site, like Melody, Orchid, Chris, Ark, WAT, etc. to give advice. And they always notice some nuances that I did not...so hang tight!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">only to protect the love that I have for you </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Kill that. This jumped out at me as repetitive. You already said it a few paragraphs earlier. It will make the whole letter stronger and tighter.

I really, really, really like this letter! It is short, sweet and very impactful. It is not too sappy and it is not too abrupt. I think it is just perfect. I did add a clause below; see what you think. [additions are in BOLD

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your continued affair with OW hurts me very deeply and I feel it eroding the remaining love I feel for you. When I see you or talk with you, knowing you are with her fills me with pain and angst.

To preserve the remaining love I have for you, I must insist that we have no contact with each other. (BIL)has agreed to act as an intermediary. Any and all communication with me needs to go through (BIL). Please do not call me, email me, or come to the house.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In the first paragraph, I emphasized that your love is eroding because of the affair. If you feel that is not accurate, please ignore it, but I think that is a very important message for the WS to understand that their behavior is seriously jeopardizing your feelings.

FE, they usually try to TEST the BS over and over again right after PB has been instituted. He will try to talk to you to get a FE_Hopeful fix. That is where you really have to be strong in your resolve and not react to it. It is also common for them to get very angry. They do not like having that control and that access taken away from them and can throw a fit. So please brace yourself for some weird behavior in the next 2 weeks.

And I do think its a great idea to send a copy to the OW and her parents.

Can I copy your letter?