Just a few questions then some observations. I only ask because I don't see it and that is the first thing everyone else says is that she is having an A. Her past leads me to believe she would not and I think she has morals. I know in the first 2 years of our marriage she admitted to having an EA though it was pretty short lived from what she said it was pretty one sided, it to would have been illegal as in Military Enlisted to Officer relationship.
1. What are the signs that an A has occured?
2. Are the signs different for an EA vs. a PA?
3. How can I find out for sure?

Here is what I saw initially. Bare in my my W is 30 and this guy is 17 so it would have been illegal and therefore needed to hide it, just like her admitted EA 8 years ago.

Before my W really got on this we must seperate or divorce kick I saw these things and they raised an eyebrow, but I still doubt an A happened should I?

*She worked a night job doing cleaning at our Church, some nights she would be home at 11:00p.m. some nights 4:00a.m.
*She admitted to sitting in a dark parking lot for several hours supposedly listening to CD's several times with this kid
* She is always with him, it toned down after the Church (here primary job) threatened legal action, since she moved out he is around more often
*At least 2 other people at the Church reported to her boss that they thought the relationship was inappropriate and thought they may have saw them too close at times
*During Christmas at my parent house, my mom and dad said that is all she talked about and they got tired of hearing about.
*Even after being threatened with legal action, she refused to stop hanging around him, claiming no one could control her life her friends were her choice
*My kids talk about him non-stop it appears. When I call they ask if it is him and say they want to talk with him not me
* I saw him trying to flirt with her, I didn't see her flirting back though
* Everytime I call I he seems to be at her new apartment, and I catch thm togethe quite often but the actions seem innocent
* She just says she fell out oflove with me, and we went from making love one week and after she started her job working with him and other single people I couldn't even hug her anymore
* She would go to Tan with a friend and be gone for 3 or 4 hours and always seemed to leave her cell phone somewhere so she couldn't answer it

Now I really have a very hard time believing she would hae an A, but even some of her friends have said you need to take a serious look at what she is doing to you. No explination as to what that really meant, but the friend that told me to look at the situation would have a betteridea of what is going on than I would because she tells her quite a bit. Anyway any help would be great I would to be able to ease my mind and write this all off as coincidence, can I? It may not even be the kid it could be someone else I have no idea that's why I am here asking for help.

CCOGER,

One of your bullet points by itself might not set off any alarm bells but taken together they do especially since she had admitted to an EA earlier.

IMHO a married woman wouldn't just move her and her kids out of the house unless you were verbally or physically abusive.

You've also gotten hints from friends and family that probably know more but they may feel as though they are betraying her so they just drop th ehints to you.

Most married women start out in an EA that may develope into a PA.

Has there been any significant change in her life ie death of loved one, hitting a signifiacant age threshold?

Has she shown signs of depression?

Have you looked at the Emotional Needs section of the MB site? Have you thought about what needs he may be meeting?

Do you spend quality time with her? Recreational activities? A break from the kids?

Also read up on Plan A and begin to inact your plan today.

cwmac

<small>[ June 02, 2004, 12:47 PM: Message edited by: ccoger ]</small>

Well there are some signifigant things that occured in her life. She was abused by her father physically adn emotionally by both parents. She was almost killed and raped in her early late teens by a boy friend. She started working with a bunch of single and/or younger people when I started seeing her change some, like she wanted to explore her freedom or something, talking about going out and partying and how I made her get out of the Navy and blames me for her missing it so much.

I had anger issues and have been in counseling for over 8 months and have made marked improvements, everyone but her can see a new me, 8 months ago there was no way I would come in here and spill my guts. I traveled a lot for work so emotionally I was never there because of work. I lost my job and couldn't replace it shortly before this started, so yes there was a lot of stress around that time period. I suffered from depression and job burn out and her announcement only made me more depressed. So there was alot of things I did wrong and I am definetley working on those issues. I started plan A before I knew what plan A was. I am starting to discover her EN's as I go along but she just doesn't like to talk about it.

I would think it was all an EA because of her past she really wouldn't be into a PA because she really doesn't like physical contact or intimacy. That is something I struggled with for the last 8 years. I always understood it was because of her rape, I never pushed the issue but I guess I never tried to help deal with it either. She told me recently that during intimacy and when I got angry she connected me to the guy that did it to her, so I know that is one reason she can't stand me.

In my heart I trust her and believe nothing went on, he has emotional problems and she tends to be a fixer so I think they were just able to listen and advise each other, at least I hope that was it. But after being threatened to get the police involved and lose her job, she still snuck around and was with him quite a bit. I think it was mostly him after her but she didn't stop it and atleast for the sake of not losing her kids, because she could have and still could be marked as a child molestor and then she would never see our kids and it would prevent her from working in her field which is managing Child Care programs. Maybe just a string of dumb choices? which is my main concern!

I'm a FWW. She's having an affair. The signals you listed answered your subject line question.

Ok forgive me I am new here. What is an FWW most of them I picked up on and I have searched for a list but haven't found one. Is there any list of what the acronyms need?

autumn:
I would like to believe otherwise. I would have thought that my kids would have said more about him being around a lot, spending the night, them being to close etc.. because my oldest son pretty much tells me everything she does UNSOLICITED I might add. But I guess she could tell them or threaten them not to tell me. The only thing I left out is that when this first started she tried to set me up on a date. I was joking (truly joking, ok I was trying to make her jealous and she called my bluff)with her about it and the next thing I know she told me had talked to her friends trying to get her to go out with me. When a girl calls me, because a married woman from our church found out what was going on and approached me she said she didn't care. I told her the lady asked me and that I turned her down on the spot. She said well you should have went ahead and did it I don't care. I said really and she backed up and well I am not sure you have never put me in that position. She was a little upset about it though I could tell by her questioning.