I need some help with my wife's approaching menopause. She is 41 and seems to be experiencing some effects. I need to know if what I'm about to describe could be due to menopause, and if so, how I can best deal with it. I will state that I have some problems in providing for her needs. Here goes.
-She is often hot (this is an obvious one).
-She has very sudden and extreme mood swings. She will go from civil to me to treating me like something she stepped in very quickly, almost like a light switch. When she is bad, there is even some shades of paranoia.
-She has (and may still be) had/having an affair with a much yonger guy. This is very difficult, and I handeled it badly (didn't find this board in time!).
-When I mention her behavior toward me and the rapid changes, she just says that "I guess I'm crazy". She dosen't say this in a joking way, but in a somewhat scary way.
-She has done some kind of mean things to me like tampering with my alarm clock so that I'll over sleep, or wake at 5 am, etc.

Can these things be due (or made worse) by menopause?
I am operating on this concept. I look at her as my best friend that is going through a tough time and needs my support. I control my frustration as best I can; I remember that it's not her but the hormones talking.

Am I a chump here?

Any advice will be most appriciated.

I think that menopause is a contributing factor in my situation. Also, see the Mid life crisis thread, I just bumped it up for you.

41 is quite young to be approaching menopause but I know it can happen from 40 on.

I am the big 50 this month and have no symptons of menopause whatsoever but everyone blames "my age" whenever I do anything. My family and friends all think it was "my age" that caused me to have an A.

I think it's the A that's causing her behaviour. Whether its still going on or whether it's not, it or its after effects will be affecting her attitude towards you.

I can only suggest you keep following the principles here. It's been my life and marriage saver.

Jenny

In the USA...

15% women go through menopause with virtually NO symptoms.

75% women go through menopause with some moderate to severe fluxuating symptoms.

15% women can experience incapacitating symptoms. Some need hospitalization.

You cannot make a diagnosis yourself. Tell your wife YOU would like to have a complete physical. Schedule an appointment for both of you to go. Talk to her doctor before he/she sees your W. Ask him/her to evaluate your W's recent personality changes. Give examples of what W's done that worries you.

Get her to a professional.

You cannot Plan A anyone who is experiencing mental status changes.

I'd take this seriously if I were you.

Pep

Thanks for the replies. The A that she had/is having must have been very stressful (it sure is for me!). My confrontation could not have been handled worse than I did it. As a result, it is not open for discussion at all (she lied, and I, grasping at straws allowed it as a way to save face when I saw some way out w/o D). I wonder if all the stress makes her flip out sometimes.

alex,
you are dealing with a serious problem, either menopausal symptoms that need treatment, a continuing affair (or guilt of the past one) or both.

You cannot possibly know the right thing to do or say until you know what you are dealing with.

1st-take the excellent previous advice and make her an appt. If she is suffering from medical symptoms she can get some releif.

2nd-insist on joint counselling to deal with the infedelity issue. This is NOT going to go away...

If the affair is over, it needs to be resolved, a NC letter sent etc. before recovery can begin.

The the affair is continuing, she must face the reality tyhat you know and deal with it as a couple.

At this point, you cannot deal with the issues at hand because you don't know what they are.

Help her help herself. Keep us posted, we care. Ladysing