I am a new member, and also new to this site. I found it a couple of days ago, while trying to search for some answers. I believe that my husband is having an affair with his ex-wife. She approached me last weekend and told me that they had been intimate for the past few months, and she thought I should know. She is currently engaged to another man and he was also there when she told me. They are trying to work things out. My husband says that his ex is just telling me lies to try to seperate us because she still wants to be with him. But why would she lie to her fiance about cheating on him??? He's now getting mad at me for believing her over him, and trying to make me feel guilty. I want to believe my husband, but theres so much proof that he's been cheating, ie: constant long phone calls (he says they just talk about their daughter), he's always taking a really long time when he goes over to pick up his daughter from her house (he says he's just getting some of his old things), he's always working late, or making up other things that he has to do besides being at home with me and my son. To make matters worse, I'm 6 months pregnant with our 1st child together. (I have 1 child from previous relationship, he has 1 child from ex mentioned above). He constantly checks the voicemail, and erases the caller Id, he gets the mail as soon as it comes... He says I'm being paranoid, but everything looks like he's hiding things from me. I printed out a lot of information from this website, and wanted to go through the emotional needs questionairre with him, but he refused, saying that there's nothing wrong with our relationship, so why do this stuff. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Jess, welcome to the club. I don't feel that I am capable to offer you any advice, just to give you suppot. Many OT will come.

Jess, I am sorry you are here. But you already know the truth, you don't need his confession. You have all the evidence you need to come to the truth. I would stop trying to get a confession out of him and just tell him that his continued lying only makes the problem worse. Tell him you know the truth.

In the meantime, I would read everything you can and get your hands on Surviving an Affair by Willard Harley. This book would be a huge help in understanding what is happening here.

And please continue to come back, you will get lots of support here. We even have some pregnant women!

P.S. I am not saying that his denial isn't a problem, it is. But you don't need his confession to know the truth and I would proceed on that basis.

Thank you both for your reply's. I guess I just don't want to face the fact that he's having an affair. I just can't believe that he would do that to me. I feellike I need to be 100% sure that its actually going on before I condemn him as a cheater. Also, how am I supposed to move forward and try to repair our relationship if he still deny's that anything ever happened. I'm so torn as to what I should do and how I should feel and it's driving me crazy.

Jess-

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a good place to be. Many of us were just like you and could not believe this was happening in our marriage.

I realized that something was wrong about 5 months before I found out about the affair. When I tried to talk to WH, he reassured me that things would get better. Meanwhile he was sleeping with OW.

I spent the next couple of months in a state of shock. I just could not believe it. Then I saw motel bills, and he continued to deny. Finally I caught them in bed. That he could NOT deny.

You should assume that he is having an affair, and start in Plan A. Read all about it here.
And sadly we do have several women that are going through this and pregnant.

I am one of those pregnant women who is here. My H came to me one month ago today and told me he didn't know if he wanted to be married to me anymore and confessed to having an affair. He moved out three weeks later. I am currently 12 weeks pregnant with my first child. It is so hard because this should have been such a happy time.

However, I believe I was blessed with this baby for a reason. How else do you explain getting pregnant on one attempt that month after trying for 2 years? You will have to find a strength in you that you did not know you had to keep going for the baby. This baby is what is keeping me together and for that I am grateful. Please reach out to all your family and friends, they will save you on the days when it seems like you can't go on.

You need to figure out what you want and make a plan to get there. As the saying goes, plan for the worst but hope for the best. Everyone on this site has been terrific and will be a great source of support for you.

Make sure you take care of yourself and that baby and let us know how you are doing.

Wow, I would have never guessed this was so common? Yes, I'm another pregnant one or was pregnant a few weeks ago when this occurred. Are there any theories out there as to why some men do this during their wives pregnancies? I really empathize with you as this was the most painful event in my life!

I don't know whether to apply the advice given here or just be angry with my H. I have terrible mood swings(could be post partum also), I want to divorce H a couple times a day, smother him in love and apologies, call him frantically when he leaves the house, have an affair myself! I feel crazy! I keep on hearing the voice that says "once a cheat always a cheat"

Here's a little background: During my first pregnancy 3 years ago, my husband started acting emotionally distant & angry, acquired a cell phone without my knowledge & purchased a po box to get the bills sent to; It did not take me more than a few weeks to figure it out. I was horribly baffled and devastated! At a time when I needed my H the most and felt the closest to him(we had suffered two miscarriages the previous year and I was so excited for us), he all of a sudden loved me but wasn't "in love" with me-I had driven him away because I did not care about him, etc. etc.. Turns out he was seeing a girl with 3 children that worked at a strip club he visited once. Classy, huh. I could not believe that this was the same man I married. He was not remorseful and could not even tell me for months(in fact, until I had the baby) whether we were going to stay married. We did stay together and things got better between us. This was 3 years ago.

Unfortunately, I just had a baby 3 weeks ago(our 2nd which he finally convinced me to have! He was going to make everything up to me!) and I simultaneously found out the week previous that he got drunk on a business trip and hired an escort service. Again, I am so amazed that he could do this to me again!!!! I feel like a fat fool! He admitted after only a few minutes of coaxing on my part-only half truths of course like he canceled the service at the last minute-did not do anything, etc. .

This time, it is a little different which confuses me also: He is very sorry, very attentive, bought me jewelry, wants to work on our marriage, etc. I really don't know what to do especially with 2 little ones, the older who idolizes his dad.