Thanks CV,

I have decided not to participate in his withdrawals. I found out last night that OW dumped him as I thought after I showed up at her door and explained that there would be no money left for her when I was done with him. Imagine that? Anyway, I am not going to rub his back through them or anything else. I am not strong enough to help him through his problem while I am going through my own here. I have decided that IC is where he is going to get his help for that problem. If I were stronger emotionally then I would.

I dont know what is going to happen between us, time will tell I guess. I wish I didn't have so many second thoughts about us. One day I wake up and feel like telling him to stuff it. The next I wake up and can see that he is trying to come back to the light and the fog is clearing.

Somehow I have lost feelings for him. My mother says if you dont love him let him go. I wonder if she is right? Do I love him? I thought I did. But he isn't even attractive to me anymore....honestly he is repulsive. I would dare say even homely to me at times. I see him as a small, ugly two headed billy goat most days. When I used to see him as a great man, a protector of our family, and good husband, handsome, attractive, sexually appealing. Where did that guy go?

Thanks for your ongoing support.

HINY

SEEING him like that is normal (at least it was for me) The first round of the rolercaoster is sooooooo stressful I think thats what it does .

YOU will go through all these feelings anger, hate, (or what you think is hate) dought that maybe it all might not be worth it ... AND the #1

FEAR ,,, thats the one that all of them are rapped into .. the fear that you worked so hard and what if it happens again "I'LL GO CRAZY "
what if its fase recovery for awhile , what if he BS'S me ,,, FEAR ,,,, FEAR so the wall goes up and we try and convince our self that we won't let the closeness get in untill we are SURE !


TOOK a long time for me to relize I had to jump in and let go ,,, open up to the work and yes even more pain ,,, and KNOW that if it happened again that would be what would send me a sailin !

BUT in order to know I had to open myself up to the hole process ..

YOU are strong enough ,, just take the baby steps here ,, handle alittle at a time .

3

Thanks you are right. Baby steps, I forget to take them sometimes. I am trying to gallop instead.

Thanks for letting me know that I am normal and not losing my mind. I really do appreciate knowing this. And that all these feelings are normal also. I will keep you posted.

HINY

HINY,

I don't mean to thread jack (or maybe it's not) but I'll give you my question and then post it as a separate thread. How long has your H been in withdrawal?

As a side note, I thought my W and I were in recovery only to find out last week it was more of a false recovery than anything. I'm seeing some parallels in my situation (towards yours) though we're (W & I) still in the same house.

One other comment I wanted to make to one of your earlier posts. </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> is it normal to want to say scrump off at this point? I mean here we are where everyone thinks they want to be, headed for recovery and NC and I just want to tell him to beat it...... </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You asked if this was normal? Well, I've felt that way at times too recently. In fact my best friends W just divorced him, totally blindsided him and he tells her that he would do anything if she'd have him back. Here I am, at times just wanting to say F it (even though my W and I are trying to work it out). I think that most of the time, when I feel this way are when we're not communicating or maybe she's still in withdrawal thinking about him.

RH,

H has been in withdrawals for 3 measley weeks this wed. She won't have anything to do with him though, so he has no choice about it at this point. I will see her tonight at the ball game though, and make sure she see's us just to keep on top of things....if you know what I mean. I scared the hell out of her for the most part. And I wasn't even mad really, imagine what she would do if I was mad........whoooweee! Anyway, I already had one false recovery and it is similiar to that, but different also. I am hoping it is for real. He has NC with her this time and I am sure of it, last time he did and I didn't realize he was I believed him. This time I am on top of it big time.

I figure time will tell all.

Good Luck!

HINY

I will reply quickly, as this is the 4th time I have written this and have gotten booted...

DO NOT let your WH go to that game with you tonight....he is in withdrawals and the last thing that should happen is to let the two of them see each other after 3 weeks!!!

You go, represent your family....look good, look confident, smile and just remembeer, you and hubby are healing your marriage! If your hubby is absent, then she will think he does NOT want to see her, and the is a GOOD thing!
Have him stay home and mow the lawn (for which he should be thankful he has) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I typically do not post, but start each day reading all the post from you exceptionally strong women!

FWW, and not proud of it!

Good luck, I hope all goes well tonight!
Christine

I will reply quickly, as this is the 4th time I have written this and have gotten booted...

DO NOT let your WH go to that game with you tonight....he is in withdrawals and the last thing that should happen is to let the two of them see each other after 3 weeks!!!

You go, represent your family....look good, look confident, smile and just remembeer, you and hubby are healing your marriage! If your hubby is absent, then she will think he does NOT want to see her, and the is a GOOD thing!
Have him stay home and mow the lawn (for which he should be thankful he has) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I typically do not post, but start each day reading all the post from you exceptionally strong women and men!

FWW, and not proud of it!

Good luck, I hope all goes well tonight!
Christine

sorry, double post, but I had to include the men that are in here too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I am sorry,

H works 2nd shift, so he is at work while we are at the game luckily. He wouldn't go anyway, it would make him too uncomfortable I am sure. I will represent our family and I will smile and laugh and have a great night despite the bulldog chewing on a wasp.

Glad to see you are sorry! and working yourself out! There are many strong women here, thanks for noticing us.

HINY

HINY,

Good to hear he will not be attending that event! I was worried for you. I have been lurking for years. I posted about 4 months ago on the verge of a breakdown. I received great advise. Everyone on this site was so caring, and being the WS, that shocked me!

Glad to see another east coast gal around! Go SOX! For you..Yankees? Oh-oh <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Good luck at the game, you'll do great.

~ias

I am sorry,

Thanks for the support. I did fine. I made our family look great tonight. I was 5 feet from her and I didn't rip her hair out......that was good. She still looks like the bulldog though. Well I read on another post that you are living with the OM is that right? What is that like? I can't imagine how you must feel all torn up inside. Yes I love the Yankees. Watch all that I can. I think all this would have been different if OW was attractive, but if you saw her you would die. That is the hardest part of this I think. Thanks for the support.

HINY

HINY,
My beloved Sox are on right now <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> and your evil empire is going dooown <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> but that is an entirely different post! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I am glad you did great at the game! From your past post, I knew you would! Yes I still live with OM and am open to any questions you or anyone else might have. I am only here to learn and hopefully help..I'm not a TOW psycho. I have gone there to read a few times and it makes me icky-sick...

Really happy that you had a good night! Hey did I mention the sox are winning? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Night all, and thanks!
~ias

I am sorry,

The Yankees won! Over a stolen base.....hahaha! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Um I was just wondering what that is like? Do you have kids? I can't imagine living with anyone but my H, although the thought has crossed my mind.....LOL. I am just curious how it started and why you are still with OM? Thanks for letting me pick your brain.

HINY

HINY, just read your reply to me and LOL. I love your humor. Boy do I know what you mean about not finding H that attractive. I have been on another roller coaster since last night, about 10:30 pm. Actually maybe it started with going back to iC at 3 pm and letting my anger come crashing out.

If you want to catch up you can read my post at 2:30 am on Shattered Dreams thread, or on Recovering H's thread here. I don't know what I "F"ing want now.

H told me another wonderful detail about the lovely OW. He prefaced it with, "I don't want you to hate oW any more than you do." After he told her that he told me about them (he can't remember what part of his truth telling to me that was), this is what the "F"ing ***** said. Oh I guess it increased my hate. "H, why did you tell her? We could have gone on like we have been for another year. No one would ever know we were having an A. Then we could be together." I looked at him and said, "And you want to be with THAT?" I actually cried. I think because of the total lack of caring about the pain to me and out boys. Another "F"ing year? This is the character of the OPs that they want to continue their perfect in-love with. Gag me! CV

CV

I don't know how you do it. I don't want the details, I honestly don't. He called for IC today and I am figuring I will just let them hear the bullcarp. I don't want any part of it. I have done my part of the emotional stuff for now. My body won't take anymore, I am on the high road, when he wants to join he can. If not, than so be it. You are one strong woman.

HINY

Here is a good HINY update.....NOT......withdrawals suck. Need I say more? Things are okay, but that is about it okay. Strained, and co-parenting. Strange feelings around friends, and ex husband. Will things ever look up? Times like these make life hard.

HINY