I am getting a fair bit of pressure from wellmeaning Christian friends to start dating, or at least to consider moving on, finding someone else.

Our marriage was very bad from day one, and even if he came back right now I couldn't go back to the way things were, and it will take a major miracle for him to be healed to the point where he can be in a marriage relationship.

Having said that, I am trusting God to heal him, and waiting.

But its on my mind, wondering if I should just let him go and start over, or hang in there.


People keep saying that God might have someone else for me, that I wasted enough time on this man etc.

I don't want to give up. But I don't want to be sitting here in ten years, still alone...

Shul, I don't know if you should stay with your H or not, that is really up to you. The one condition the Bible does give for divorce is adultery, so if that is the case here, then you would be justified. Sometimes it is just better to cut your losses and let God handle the WS all on his own. But that is your decision entirely.

The only thing I would suggest is that you not date until you are divorced and healed from all this. It takes some to heal emotionally from a divorce lest you become vulnerable to anything on 2 legs!

Thank you Melody,

I guess the question for me, is what is Gods agenda in this.

I will continue to love adn pray for my husband, whether we are married or not, together or not.

But after being on my own all this time, I can see that what we had was not a marriage. We lived together, but he lived like a single person for the most part.

I would be content for now if he and I can come up with some kind of creative arrangement, where he visits once or twice a month to see us, and
we could have sex.

Other than that I am fine on my own, and maybe it would buy us some time.

I don't want anyone else- the truth is I don't think I have the energy to invest any more of myself in a relationship with someone. The past 18 years have wiped me out emotionally.

I don't think he will find anyone else permanent- he is too disturbed- and neither of us care about a divorce. I don't want anything from him financially, anyways ( even if he had it to give) and he knows he can see our daughter if and when they both want to.

So a divorce would be moot unless one of us met someone and wanted to remarry, and he wouldn't bother to marry in the legal sense.

Its kind of funny, when he is in a snit he threatens me with divorce, but it is an empty threat. He has already abandoned us in every way-we are way beyond that, but he doesn't realise it.

He thinks I will be shattered. But the marriage is over in every way except in Gods sight, and for the fact that we still care about each other.

It feels like we are back to square one. Two single people.

Maybe it had to be torn down to start over with something new. That is what I am hoping, , but it won't be anything like a marriage until he is reconciled with God and healed of the hurts from his past that still torment him

Some days it seems hopeless, but I know that God can do the impossible, by his love.

I have been thinking about trying a creative approach to our relationship.

He seems to still want to be with me, to visit, etc.

He is working out some of the other problems in his life- work esp. right now, and I am working hard too.

I wonder if we could just agree to continue to live seperately, get together every so often when it suits us both , and be like boyfriend/girlfriend for a time.

I think this would take the pressure of being 'married' off of him. Maybe he would understand that I am not looking for support or anything else from him, just companionship and possibly sex.

I think he would agree to this. I think he is tired of the affairs, it just complicated his life. There was no emotional attachment on his part, but the women all wanted something more from him.

I on the other hand, am not asking for anything from him. I know that he can't give what he doesn't have. But I do want to be there for him, and love him as a friend, which he wants.

I am trying to envision it...