My WH has told me that he will read everything and anything I want him to. I have order him After the Affair, but would like to have him read as much as possible.

Also, WH is typical conflict avoider.

Thank you in advance for any and all suggestions. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

BB2

bb2...I read Surviving an Affair and it really helped me as a FWW. You should read it too as the BS. I also just posted a question to others about another book I'm reading, "Freedom from the Ties that Bind". It is a really good "self-help" book that truly opens your eyes to yourself and things that effect you emotionally. I am determined to get myself straightened out from issues that have been there all my life that the A has brought to light. Good luck!

Lisa -

Thanks for the suggestions!

Last night we talked for abit before going to sleep and I asked him did he have any ideas about how we got here. He thinks he is solely to blame. He has away of sweeping everything under the rug and I allowed that for soooo many years.

We have alot of work to do. Good luck.

BB2

bb2..If your H is anything like me, I wanted to know what led me to get involved in an A to start with. I will tell you what I have found out so far. My H was not the reason as I'm sure that you weren't in your H's A. I have had insecurity issues for a long time and the OM satisfied those longings for a while. But even while I was in the A I wasn't happy. I had fleeting moments where I thought I was but the aftermath was always painful. I have been on this crusade of wanting OM to admit to feelings I guess in hopes that I will be able to have "closure". I have gotten a lot of good advice here on MB on my thread regarding that issue and this book deals a lot with resolving issues within yourself.

No human being can give me what my heart's desire is and I'm finally realizing that. That's what affairs are all about. We are longing for something in our lives that's missing and looking for someone or something to fill it. It may work for a while, but eventually we all come to the realization that it's just a temporary fix to a much deeper problem.

I have a lot of work to do too. Keep me posted on your progress.

Lisa -

My H stated a few days ago that he was miserable in A. I told him, when I thought it was over that I was his reality and she was his fantasy. I told him she only showed him the good side. He stated last night that he heard everything I said throughout this hell ride, just took it all in and I was always dead on. He feels like a fool for falling for her. But the worst thing is he doesn't understand why I still love him, he thinks I should have run when it all began.

The good thing about going into makeshift Plan B, is it brought him out of the fog and he finally feels he sees things clearer and is ashamed of his actions. He is talking about doing alot of things for us, for me, I am taking it slow - actions speak louder than words.

So we'll see - he'll be alone with his books for awhile. It's good to hear from a FWS - gives me a different perspective. Thanks for responding - greatly appreciated.

I wish you luck in your quest as well! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
BB2

Torn Asunder by Dave Carder helped me a lot. I am reading it the second time.

I also liked Private Lies, but it was too painful and shocking to go through. I waited awhile before I could read that book but I enjoyed it and came home early every day just so I can read it.

Relationship Rescue by Dr Phil McGraw was also very instrumental in helping me see the need for change in my M.

I read Power of A Praying Wife during peaceful and good times. The Bible, of course is always a great source of comfort, relief and inspiration.

If your H is a conflict avoider, you might want to do a search for Passive Aggressive Personality Disorder on the internet. I have just read it. I must say it made me realise whom I am dealing with, and I am still in a quandary. There's a short thread on Recovery about Passive Aggressive. The link is on the thread.

I just ordered Torn Asunder- I saw alot of people posting that it was a great book. My H doesn't really like to read - mostly Stephen King <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> But he said he would read everything I asked. So that feels like we are making some progress!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thanks for the suggestions!
BB2