Hello All,

Gave PBL to WW on May 15. Since then she has tried to make contact with me at least once a week. Last week, when I was outside she pulled up and I looked at the car and went into the house. WW had come to pick up youngest son. This week she calls from cell and asks me to pick up our son. She said she was on her way to play cards I did not answer the phone, just let the answer machine (screen) get it. Our son then called me later and I answered and agreeded to pick him up.

Is it right for me to do this favor for her, picking up our son, when she is going to play cards? The next time I feel like not doing so.

It has been 3 weeks and I feel like it's time for the "D" to happen. Is this to early? Longer? I so, how long? Or is PB like PA, you just know when it's time?

BNL called me yesterday. He thinks I should quit paying for car, health & dental insurances for WW. Currently I have my pay checks going to another bank. Not our joint account. $$$$ is a big EN for WW. I think it is a good for me to stop paying for the above but, would this send a message to her that I want a D, our just give WW a good taste of what D would be like?

Thanks for any input!
r

end it, you should stop paying any of her bills. The goal of Plan B is to stop meeting their needs, which is supposed to be a wake up call. I don't think you should divorce her, just stop paying her bills. And you should stay in Plan B for a while, just hang in there.

P.S. it just sends a message that you aren't going to enable her affair anymore. What financial arrangements did you make with her? What did you say in your Plan B letter?

ML Thanks!

I didn't mention any finances in the PBL. Just the standard: NC until no OM/NC letter. I posted it here on 5/15 if you want to check it out.

How do I inform her of me not paying her insurances anymore? By letter I would say. Any comments?

r

end it, maybe just send her a nice email letting her know you won't be paying her bills anymore. Personally, I would continue to pay her health and dental insurance if that is provided by your company. I mean, she is still your W and taking her off would just seem punitive, IMO. I wouldn't pay her car ins, tho, that is a different story.

ML,

Yes, I agree car insurance no. Health and Dental OK. Thanks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

WW just left me. She came to the house will I was washing clothes. She walks in a says hello <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Just like nothing has been happening. I returned the hello. She said "have to get a bathing suit for" or son. After getting some clothes for him she sits down and starts to talk to me while I am now washing dishes. At first I didn't want to say a word but, I turned on the Plan A for awhile. She wants me to got with her to a relatives funeral on Monday. She wants me and her to drive there together. I told here I don't know about going to the funeral. She said we can ride in separate cars if "it is to hard for me". I believe this was a quote from the PBL letter I gave her.

She continued talking about a boy at school that died in an accident. She had the boy in one of her classes. I think she was upset about the boy and her relative passing away. I listened alot to her talk.

She asked me about our son going to high school a playing football. She had gone to a meeting at the school and thought it would be good for him. I told her I think it would be good also and that I would suppport him. I told her I didn't know about the meeting or I would have gone.

I told her I think we need to have an agreement about me having time with our youngest son. I guess a separation agreement is needed I told her. She said she knows nothing about that.

Then she tells me that a friend of her calls her and tells her that I am on 'the brink'. (?) And 'your poor husband'(me). She said that I had taked to her friends ex husband. I told her i haven't talked to him at all outside of hello since he is a neighbor. I told WW the only thing I am on the brink about is a "D" I guess, nothing else. WW got sons clothes and left saying she will talk to me later. I said bye.

Whats up with all of this? What does It mean? Is Plan "B" working?

What a roller coaster of emotions!
r

To work, there needs to be no contact in Plan B. My WH is like your wife. He keeps coming over to get some of his needs met by me.

I have been in mostly Plan B for 8 months. If you want to make it really work, have NC with her.

Hey endit,

You realize you just completely blew Plan B, don't you? Unless no contact is strictly observed, it serves absolutely no purpose. And your credibility is shot if you don't do what you say in the PBL.

There is no reason whatsoever for her to be in the house, that just defeats the entire purpose of PB. If she barges in, I would suggest leading her back to the door and referring her to your PBL. There should be absolutely NO CONTACT in PB.

Melodylane & Believer,

You ARE both right...I did blow it big time! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Thanks for getting me back on the NC track!!!!

r

end it - Don't worry about it. Lots of us fall off the Plan B wagon. Stay dark.

beliver,

thanks for the reassurance! I needed a swift kick in the b... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I was thinking that me have contact w/ WW is like WW have contact w/ OM....had to end. Thoughts?

r

To do a good Plan B, you should have no contact at all with WW. You can get an intermediary to deal with children and emergencies.

At first it is very difficult, but gets easier and easier. But contact puts you back to square one. You want your wife to know just what life will be like without you.

In the meantime, it helps if you can get busy with some activities. I rearranged the house, painted, detailed the car, redid the yard, joined a support group, started a business. It helps the old self-esteem, which is usually in the toilet.

Endit...here it comes <<KICK>> on your backside!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Then you can go to my thread and give me a kick too!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Stay dark O.K... stay in plan B...you are winning some here with your wife...but you must keep to the plan or it will not work.

Dont talk to her and yes...change the door lock if you can so she cannot walk into the house.

Plan b is sort of letting WS feel what it is like being divorce.

So stay darkkkkkk! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />