While folding laundry this afternoon, I thought about the fact WH will no doubt try and talk himself out of the situation he will find himself in once he sees OW again.

So...... I put together this little email to send to her. I scanned a copy of the order of dismissal and attached it to the body of the email so it's the first thing she sees when she opens it. I also added a link to the courthouse schedule which shows every filing and the dates of the dismissal.

I plan on cc'ing WH too.

What do you think? Is this overboard? Should I just forget about it?

**********************************************
Per our discussion, here is a scanned copy of the order for dismissal of our divorce. I am also including a link to the Pierce County Courthouse online domestic case schedule. It shows the dates of filing and the date I chose to pursue the divorce by adding my joinder to the petition, (October 7th). On that date, I received a final divorce hearing date for Oct. 15th. The entire case was dismissed on the 14th when Sergio and I took our children to the courthouse to have it dismissed. Since both of us were party to the petition at that time, making it uncontested, the divorce would have been finalized, even with only one of us present, on Oct. 15th. You will see that Sergio filled in his name on the petitioner line in the dismissal and signed it himself. FYI, this is the form he filled out with our family priest as a witness. For this type of dismissal, both parties MUST not only be present, but meet with the commissioner to assure him they both want the dismissal.

Once again, I am sorry to be the one to bear you this news. I honestly feel you have a right to know what is happening, as do I.

I would send it but not necessarily to him. Don't give him time to come up with an explanation. You must remember FIM, she is young with little life experience. What do you think suggesting her to share this information with her parents or a trusted "adult" in her life. She is naive and blinded. Her eyes are just starting to open to the situation and she needs guidance.

After this communcation, I would have no further discussions or e-mail between the two of you. This is their problem now and you don't need to continue to have your life ruled by their selfishness.

My stbx has been calling, writing and getting neighbors to send messages to me. I finally had enough and left him a not so nice voice mail. His attorney wrote my attorney a letter about me harrassing him! Now my pit bull attorney has been sicked on them. Be careful what you say and how often you communicate. My stbx's antics are about to bite him in the posterior. He pulled this stupidity when negotiations are about to begin. Not a smart man with an equally ignorant attorney. An expensive stunt. Be careful!

FIM:

I think this is partly your need to "hold on" a little. YOu just may not be there 100% yet. When you are "there", you won't feel the need to keep this up. Sorry for your pain and your facing the revelation that your WH is a lying, serially cheating, low life scumbag. I think you really need to "break free" from all of this and let him and the OW deal with their own "$hit". You have no reasions to contact her. I am almost afraid that deep down (in the recesses of your heart) you are wanting to send the OW this email so that she will not "take your WH back" and that will give him the "chance" to come back. I may be off base, but this is what your actions smell like to me...maybe it is your sub-conscious. Anyways, love yourslef more than this. DO what you said you are gonna do and FILE TEH DIVORCE TOMORROW. HOw many more deatsh are you going to allow yourslef to have at the hands of your WH. I feel most sorry for your children, as they will eventually know of what a low life sack of $hit ther father is. That will be pain that you will have to help them with. I will pray for you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

FiM,

Send the information. I like the suggestion to tell her parents, heck, why not do it yourself with a little explanation that their daughter could use their support right about now.

Lemonman, I believe you can state your position without a lot of disaparaging name calling. I know you mean well, but there is a part of FiM that still loves her H and I believe your characterizations of him might not be real helpful. State your case, but leave the characterizations to FiM. She is the only one of us who really knows this man, after all.

~ Snow

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lemonman:
I think this is partly your need to "hold on" a little. YOu just may not be there 100% yet. When you are "there", you won't feel the need to keep this up.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Agreed, Lemonman. When FiM reaches a point of no return, she will know it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lemonman:
I am almost afraid that deep down (in the recesses of your heart) you are wanting to send the OW this email so that she will not "take your WH back" and that will give him the "chance" to come back. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">From the standpoint of (possibly) saving a marriage, this isn't a bad idea. I've known of couples who have divorced and remarried after infidelity. I think there is nothing wrong with FiM continuing to torpedo her WHs fog in order to open his eyes. When she decides enough is enough, then it will be so.

~ Snow

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Snowbelle:
<strong> FiM,


Lemonman, I believe you can state your position without a lot of disaparaging name calling. I know you mean well, but there is a part of FiM that still loves her H and I believe your characterizations of him might not be real helpful. State your case, but leave the characterizations to FiM. She is the only one of us who really knows this man, after all.

~ Snow </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, fair enough. I will remmeber this for next time.

Thank you, LM.

I know it is VERY tempting to send the info but I don't think it is necessary in the bigger scheme of things.

OW will either find out/accept his true colors or not.

Concentrate on keeping your own spirits optimistic for your future.

You can't go around fixing other people's situations/lives right now.

You are doing a great job in keeping your eye on a bigger picture now. Of your future and your childrens' future.

I think sending the info will just suck you into the weird vortex yet again.

Hugs.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Snowbelle:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lemonman:
I think this is partly your need to "hold on" a little. YOu just may not be there 100% yet. When you are "there", you won't feel the need to keep this up.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Agreed, Lemonman. When FiM reaches a point of no return, she will know it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lemonman:
I am almost afraid that deep down (in the recesses of your heart) you are wanting to send the OW this email so that she will not "take your WH back" and that will give him the "chance" to come back. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">From the standpoint of (possibly) saving a marriage, this isn't a bad idea. I've known of couples who have divorced and remarried after infidelity. I think there is nothing wrong with FiM continuing to torpedo her WHs fog in order to open his eyes. When she decides enough is enough, then it will be so.

~ Snow </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, my point exactly. FIM can do what ever her heart tells her to do. I am just pointing out that TO ME (is that ok with you snowbelle??????????) FIM is still CLEARLY harboring hopes that her WH comes back to her. althoug those hopes look like their fading. Whether this is the best thing for her she only knows. I was just stating the point ONCE again that people who have truly moved on (as she herself said in here recent long post), they don't continue to do this stuff (contacting OW etc...). This kind of brings me to another point, one of the many problems I have with MB. When do the games stop???????/ When do you stop "torpedoing things to make WH open his eyes". The reason I think there are so many false recoveries and continued betrayal on here is the continued "game playing" and "manipulation" into getting the WS back. What about setting the WS free, let them come back on their own terms and DEAL WITH THE CONSEQUENCES. Snowbelle, you can save your breath and fingers from typing "when she is ready". I know this BUT DOES SHE???? I am ONLY responding to what she is posting. I think she isn't ready yet to "close the door", and that is ok, but at the same time one can only respond to what people write on here.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by faithinme:
So...... I put together this little email to send to her.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am not sure I see your purpose here... your goal is to ????...

You now know the facts ... and now you are making decisions about YOUR life based on the facts.

Your goal is to free yourself from the 60% ... and live well ... I see no gain for you in this email.

Pep

WHOA, KIDS!!!

Let me interupt for just a second.

Maybe I can clear a little something up here.

THE purpose of this letter is not to send WH back into my arms because his other choice is taken away.

PUH-LEASE!

I hold no love or respect for OW. BUT, this is a girl who is barely 23. She is building her future around WH.

She's bought the dress she was supposed to get married in last Sunday.

She believed that the only reason WH wasn't divorced was because of a "glitch" in the system.

She is going to do the SAME THING I DID and want so much to believe him that she'll believe just about anything he says.

THAT is the purpose behind the email and the scanned copy.

It is HIS writing, HIS signature.

The link shows that I joined the petition to make it uncontested.

It shows the final court date as the 15th.

It shows it was mutually dismissed on the 14th.

He could lie and scheme and come up with a dozen reasons he did it, but she would still have that image in her head and MAYBE it would help her to move beyond his lies and excuse.

THAT is the purpose of the email.

If there is an outcome that would please me...it would not be to send him back to me...

IT WOULD BE TO LEAVE HIM BY HIMSELF.

It isn't the purpose, but it would be a nice by-product.

She's not a person I admire or even wish good things for, but she's a young girl who is being misused and led on too.

THAT IS MY REASON FOR WRITING THE EMAIL.

carry on

by the way, thank you for your replies. It's keeping me thinking.

<small>[ November 07, 2004, 07:42 PM: Message edited by: faithinme ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">IT WOULD BE TO LEAVE HIM BY HIMSELF.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds good to me. He doesn't deserve anybody's love or fidelity right now.

LM, I appreciate your thoughts, I really do. And I understand where you are coming from. But I honestly do not see fighting for your marriage to be manipulating. Everything FiM has done was in defense of her family and with a goal in mind: to keep her family together.

I don't see that as a bad thing and I don't see it as manipulation. I see it as playing the cards she's dealt. And she's played them wisely.

Saving your marriage isn't a game at all. It is one difficult, emotional, gut-wrenching endeavor and not for the weak-willed.

Hey, FiM, I think your move to cut OW/child a break by laying out the evidence before her shows again that dork is really going to miss you when you're gone. You are one fine human being.

~ Snow

WARNING!

Extremely unpopular viewpoint below.

FIM, dear lady.

If sending the twit a letter proving that she is stupid will make you feel good, then do it. She is equally culpable in the affair, young or not. She knew she was taking on a married man. She chose.

Your letter may just be the catalyst that de-flowers her relational virginity. She has to wake up at some point in time. You telling her the truth is not harm.

One word of caution, if you do send the letter, and your husband bolts for home to work things out, you must realize that your responsibility to keep your relationship above board will be greater than if he chooses a non-coerced path home.

It is your choice at this point. He has already made his choices.

Time to take the gloves off. Have fun and take names.

Gimble

<small>[ November 08, 2004, 12:40 AM: Message edited by: Gimble ]</small>

Hi Faith, my opinion is that you have already spoken to her on the phone. She has heard you in a very calm, non-confrontational manner, tell her all she needs to know about Sergio. You said on your other thread you spoke for an hour.

So now, if she asks you for proof, she can have it. Otherwise I don't think there is any benefit in sending the email. I reckon, if you want to really enlighten her, tell her about Marriage Builders. She's 23, not 16. She is a big girl. The ball is in her court. How she plays it is now up to her. As always, kind thoughts, TT

FIM,

Just be careful of ow.

In my experience, I called ow and informed her that FWS was with me had been with me was having SF with me, and had been while he was seeing her, and her response to me was it is over, I am so done with him, etc.

ow response to FWH was, you so and so, how could you be unfaithful to ME <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> , etc, and then, 'I want to make love to you ONE MORE TIME.' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

(just where is that barf symbol?)LOL
You have given ow info, and okay, you have sent the legal documents to prove this.

I hope and pray this works out for you. I just want you to be wise as a snake and innocent as a dove.

ow was willing to destroy your marriage, young tho' she is. Take this into consideration, and at this point my VHo is no more contact with ow.

Praying for you, and you are worthy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Don't forget that.

My VHO is that you are way past due for plan B, that your love bank is close to empty right now.

Step back from all the drama and make the healthiest choice for you and children.

{{{{{HUGS FIM}}}}}


Love in Christ,
Miss M

ps, on the positive side, when I told ow FWS had been with me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> , and was staying with me it was the beginning of the end. God Bless and prayers for you and children.

<small>[ November 08, 2004, 02:47 AM: Message edited by: Miss M ]</small>

Nope.

Too much drama.

I firmly believe the more the BS tries to influence alien abductees in a situation like this, the more harm he/she (the BS) can do.

Believe it or not, you are ahead in this game. Their cards are stacked for a crash. Just sit back and watch.

Leave them to their own devices and let them fall apart. Do not deny them the opportunity to discover each other without your intervention (other than exposure to others). You send a letter like that to them and you appear to be desperate. OW asks your H and he has an excuse - any excuse - and she believes him. Nothing gained.

At the moment, there is no divorce. If he decides to file again, you'll have your chance to engage.

Are you in Plan B or not? If so, stay dark and DO NOT engage either of them.

WAT

<small>[ November 08, 2004, 07:05 AM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

OK, I posted the prior reply before reading your novel on the other thread.

You planted the seeds of doubt in OW's mind in your phone conversation with her.

May as well show your cards. But if you decide to send such a message, perhaps infer that lies about the "failed" divorce are only the tip of the iceberg. Lies are the glue that holds an affair together.

But don't file for divorce unless you really want one.

Even if you think right now that you want one, let him file. Do not deny him the opportunity to carry this burden.

WAT

By all means send her the information. She is only 23, if she were my daughter I would want her to know. THis has nothing to do with the dork, she is young and is going to ruin her life-she needs to learn a valuable lesson. She can then deceide if she wants to invest in an "old man" with a wife and three kids. If she's that stupid, she deserves him, but give her the information. I would not tell him anything-this is between two betrayed women.

ONe more thing-"our " OW didn't think we were having sex-how dumb can you get.

<small>[ November 08, 2004, 07:31 AM: Message edited by: new jersey ]</small>

You HAVE asked her if she wanted to see a copy of the paperwork, and she said "No".

She either believes you, or wants to continue the fantasy...

Don't send the letter...now...perhaps another phone call will be in order in the future when STBXH tells you more lies you want to clear up...but wait. Let it settle and burst their bubble.


I agree with Lemonman, you say it's over, but your actions speak otherwise...

It's OK, you don't have to convince us or yourself you are not still holding out hope.

You did a WONDERFUL Plan A, PLEEEEEASE give Plan B a try? It's esential for Plan B to have a Plan B letter...those things you spelled out for him over the phone? Basically it's a very loving, sweet break up letter with a big "if" attached.

I love you
I want our M but not the way it is
I have to say goodbye and NC
If you decide to pull your skull out then you can come back by doing 1., 2., 3., etc
Have a nice life

Please, please, please consider it. If not, he takes these threats of D and "over" as just that...threats. I mean after all, he knows how easy it is to tear up the D papers...

Please, please!! Don't give up just yet, a Plan B can be a very good place to be in, and will give you the time to relax if a D is inevitable...will give you and the kids a chance to get used to the idea before the end. If it so happens it does work out, then you have set up boundaries of the minimum you are williung to accept for him to come back...