Hey guys. I'm new to this area. I don't know if some of you remember me, but earlier this week I introduced myself and mentioned what all was going on with my H (under, "He doesn't feel anything"-
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/ultimatebb.php?ubb=get_topic;f=8;t=021246 I know it's the weekend.... actually it's 3am in the the morning on Sunday. I can't sleep. I can't get all these crazy thoughts out of my head. Here's a little background some more...
I tried not to make this a factor into all of our probelms going on... but here it is anyways. So H and I have been having this probelm between us for almost 3 months. A little after is all came out to the open I told our mutual friend who works for H to stop calling my H at home and on his cell for frivolous reasons. I can understand if she has to call him regarding work and all... but other then that I felt was inappropriate. It wasn't taking to kind ears, to say the least. SHe was mad thought I was accusing her of cheating with my husband. She's married herself (and having very bad problem with her own H and we work at our churhc together too.! augh! We talked a lot ourself on the phone and she's jsut talks to everyone on the dang phone a lot! A lot was said between us and we are no longer friends, to say the least. DH was upset to because I did kind of go overboard in getting my point across to her. SO a week after that I see she's calling his cell still... so I tell him to talk to her. He said ok. After that the cell phone quits coming in the house. A week after that I cehck his cell phone in his car and I see she's called again and left a voicemail. I confornted him about it AGAIN... and later his reply was, "I told her to stop calling the house." and something stupid like, "you wouldn't have known if you didn't snope on my phone"!!!!! I told him that was the wrong thing to say and that was just like lieing. He knew ocmpletely well (as did she) that the probelm was her calling him PERIOD- cell or home phone. Next day he said, "ok she will not call me anymore." When we are all at chruch together she ignores him and I even in the same room (which I have chalked up to the agruement we've had and my H being in the middle of it- reason).
......................................... so that brings us to the current newest delima.... the dang crack someone made a work.
Yesterday a mutual female friend whose husband works for my H told me that the another employee at work cracked a joke,.........saying that my H and his receptionist (who was a close friend of mine until just recently... I tell you in a second....) should go get a room! I tried not to jump to conculusions... I know he and she would never commit any kind of PA,... but......there is the EA issue . SO anyhow. I confronted him about the commint/ joke and he said the guys joke all the time with everyone (which I can believe)... but I also said that prior to two weeks ago she wasn't calling the other guys home and cell to talk. ....
Mind you his phone still stays in the car and now has a lock code on it which I don't know what it is. I know it is wrong to go looking on his cell... but if he has nothing to hide then there shouldn't be a problem. I asked H if he knew what an EA was, and he said no. SO I explained it to him and I said I feel like you are having one and not even know it. ANd that was all that was said between us .... We've been cordial to eachother this week... mostly beceause I am jsut tired of trying and can't look him the eyes- jsut too much pain for me. He is sleeping on the couch right now, which he hasn't done in a long while. He's really mad or something. He never came out and said how redicouls the joke was... or something to defend himself, yea know? I don't know what to believe. I don't even want to go to church in the morning because all I will want to do is bash her brain into the wall. THis pain I feel of him not knowing what he feels and all that is going through his head is now turning to anger. If it turns to anger my H is really not going to want me. I feel helpless to do anything, what for... he isn't talking.. he just doesn't know what is wrong (so he says...). How am I suppose to meet any kind of EN if he isn't reseptive to anything? I just don't know how I am suppose to act in front of him!
Oh and I did buy us the His needs Her needs book... (I haven't read through just yet, but have gone over the concepts already with my pastor). H said he'd read it too- so that's a start, right? SInce he doesn't want to seek counseling.
I know this is selfish of me to say and I also know that through all this I have to work on me because I can't change him (only he can do it himself).... but what about my needs? Do I jsut have to settle for it being on the back burner and ignored? What if he really is having an EA? WHat do I do? How am I supposed to react? How am I suppose to act?
