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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,178
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,178 |
A week ago my WW said she wanted to "break up". She has left the house and is staying with friends. After DD 6 wks ago I pursued her too hard and pouted when she resisted, and now I'm here.
We met today to talk. She wants to get an apartment. She's not motivated to try MC, but will see an IC and then decide.
I was cheerful the whole while. We talked about serious stuff, and also casual stuff. We were two friends walking around the city. Somehow I held it together. I was totally cool, did not try to coax or convince her about things, and contained my sadness. She was surprised and impressed. I rule!
But here comes that despair again.
GC
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 709
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 709 |
I am there today...i am feeling that hopeless feeling again...like there is no hope anymore. This is the life of a BS during an on going affair. Get ready for the rollercoaster ride. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Everyone here has been through it all and ALL survive it. So will you.
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069
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Joined: Sep 2003
Posts: 27,069 |
graycloud -
Get firmly in Plan A, and stay there. I see lots of hope for your marriage. Your wife is deeply in the fog. I can tell because you apparently had a decent marriage and now she thinks she wants to throw it all away.
If she insists on moving out, tell her you want her to stay, but can't force her. It is extremely miserable at first, but you can do this. Lots of people here have restored their marriage.
Spiderslayers WH agreed to counseling just to have a calmer divorce, and now they are back madly in love. Do the counseling, and the MB program, and you will get through this just fine.
When you are shaking and falling apart, come here. We will pick you up, dust you off, and put you back on the path.
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,178
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Joined: Jun 2004
Posts: 4,178 |
Thanks guys. We did have a good marriage. I've identified many of my major malfunctions. I just pray she'll join me in trying to save it.
Is all this foggy behavior (yesterday she gave me the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" jive again) partly a power grab? Things I've suggested in the past (e.g. why not give it a try with the MC when you have nothing to lose) make perfect sense, but when they're coming from me, she resists. She wants to stay in the driver's seat even though the car is headed over a cliff.
I can't say whether she's had NC and I don't want to ask right now. Anything I do that resembles pursuit makes her bolt. God I hope this IC helps her see more clearly.
GC
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