I just started Plan B last week and WS had kids for the weekend (first time since he moved into his own place-5 months). I just spoke to him briefly, because I know that he is starting to fall apart. I said I didn't want anymore contact until...He agreed and said that it won't be long.

I know that he will end it soon (maybe not today, but in the near future)and I need to have a plan in place for recovery. Besides a NC letter and access to all passwords, agreement to MC (he won't go to my IC), what else should I have in place?

Also, should I insist that he stay at his place while we re-connect and make sure that he is serious about NC. My IC thinks this would be best approach. Would it be harder or easier in terms of withdrawals for him to be home/away? We have not been intimate for what seems like ages and I think it would be best to approach it slowly and not have the pressure of sleeping together (and feeling awkward).

FE

WH and OW are co-workers. Should I insist that he have another job before he moves back home?

Dont get your hopes up or think of what ifs...until it actually happens...There is a lot of cases where the recovery turns out to be false...i had 3.

One of the fog symptoms is a yo yo effect...where WH goes back home then decides no this not the place they want to be and goes back to OW.

My WH says he needs 2 weeks and will decide soon...i am still waiting 5 months now. 3 times i demand for an answer and 3 times he choose OW so try not to force the answer from WH...sometimes you wont get the answer you want and it will disappoint you.

If you do Plan B...stop all contact...can you get an intermediary to do the children's arrangement? You must make plan B really really dark that is how it must work. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Did you expose their affair to the office manager?

Don't let your WH back until he has proved that he will have NC. I was sure mine would have NC. He kept telling me he had NC. That was in July 03. Well, he never quite got around to NC for more than a day.

He needs to show you, not talk about it.

Hi plan B'ers- HOW is there ever a way to prove NC is really NC?

PEACE OUT

Peace out: Currently, I track all the money that WS spends online (he doesn't know I have a password to do this--although I can't believe he hasn't checked). Also, if and when he agrees to NC I will "buy" cell phone bills (just in case he gets another number) and buy OW's cell phone bill also (see where she calls most, etc). Also, I plan to install "spyware" on the computer to get IMs and other passwords if they exist.

As you can see, at this point I have no trust. However, I do believe that there are other signs that contact is being made (i.e., WH defensive/angry). I just want to be able to check on my gut feeling if it comes about.

zz cool: I know that WS will eventually return. I don't have any high hopes, however, that its right around the corner. He's a mess right now and quite frankly I don't have the energy right now to go through his withdrawals. I don't plan on having any more contact with him until he agrees to NC. Although I probably took several steps backwards by talking to him the other day, I really needed to hear how he was doing. And it gives me strength to continue knowing that he is not doing well and suffering a bit. (What can I say)

believer: Oh, I am insisting on NC. In fact, I'm at the point of not letting WH back in house until HE has proven it to me (if and when that time comes).

FE

well.....I still have the bank account-he has not touched it-is allowing me to run the home/family unobstructed financially.

he has a cell but pays by cards he buys? don't know ow cell #.

I know he talks to her and never gave her up-he admitted that in person yesterday and now sees that is why 2 year recovery did not work. I knew it- he knew it. now he says it out loud -also says it isn't her he left for and doesn't want her- but is not ready to give up their talking. he is not focused- is confused and lost. in trouble at work for not paying attention. has lost some weight. doesn't want to give up his family. the list goes on.......

so I pray and I wait........

but I don't see how you will ever PROVE/KNOW that there is NC.

PEACE OUT

As my WH so defiantly and justly told me one day: "There is absolutely no way to be 100% sure that there is NC".

And he is right and is living proof of that deceit.

There are separate cell phones,calling cards,pay phones and Internet houses among all the other traditional routes.You name it.Unless you can be omnipresent,there is no way to be sure.And how you can ever trust a cheater to be open and honest about NC is another story. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I would look for emotional actions that a WS might be in NC.Like remorse and a willingness to account for all their time.But even then,you just can't be sure and that's one reason that I don't feel I can ever trust my WH again.If he is capable of creating this he** for me now,I have no reason to believe that he would ever stop and be honest in the future.I personally would hate having that hanging over my head for the rest of my life.But that's my opinion.

Other's that have made it to recovery have their own standards and maybe will post to you.

O

talked to Pastor again today. he says I should be done and say so to H; or let h suffer-hit bottom via plan B/Dark. I am NOT done so dark it is.

You are the person who has to decide
  whether you'll do it, or toss it aside.
You are the person who makes up your mind
  whether you'll lead or linger behind.
Whether you'll try for a goal that is far
  or be contented to stay where you are.
Take it or leave it, there's something to do,
  you must think it over because...
It's all up to you!


PEACE OUT and please keep praying.......