I know it depends on the person, but do some WS's never come out? Can someone keep going on in that relationship without remorse?

No. They will have pangs of remorse.

Whether they'll ever let anyone see those feelings, however, is uncertain. But they DO feel them.

Hi juke,

My WH still is cheating on me and although I know he feels some pain at what he's done,it's not enough to make him stop.He is adept at telling himself all sorts of stories to justify what he is doing.

The latest was yesterday in an e-mail saying that our marriage "should have been amazing and stayed that way for 100 years".Well,I mentioned to someone else here that that would be really great if that happened but in order to even come close,you have to WORK at it.And then,oh yeah,LIFE also happens so I just couldn't greet him at the door every day in a Vistoria's Secret outfit with dinner waiting at the table and no one else around,etc.Geeze.

My WH is so totally self centered right now.He is as fog bound now as he was in October of 2003 and shows no sign of departure.

o

<small>[ June 10, 2004, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: Octobergirl ]</small>

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 01:05 AM: Message edited by: RMan ]</small>

Juke, IMO, I don’t think any person with a conscience can continue with such a relationship without ever feeling any type of remorse… But I do think some people can get so fogbound and consumed by their own self-justifications, that they start to ignore and repress that small little voice at the back of their heads telling them what they are doing is wrong… Also, I think the longer a person continue in such a relationship, the deeper they sink into the fog, the more they start to believe their own lies and justifications, they become more and more self centered and later they start to believe the whole world is wrong and they are right…their view become so messed up, they can’t clearly ‘see’ anymore… The reason I’m saying all of this? My own father is involved in an EA for more than 20 years now… He is a ‘cake eater’, but he doesn’t believe he is doing anything wrong towards my mother (although she have complained to him many times in the past)… He believes this OW is just a ‘close, emotionally, supportive friend’. I know my father is SO fogbound, I wonder if he will EVER came out of his fog… <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<small>[ June 17, 2004, 02:39 AM: Message edited by: Suzet* ]</small>

I agree with Suzet...It depends on individual.

I am sad that my WH is one that will continue to eat all the cake. I am happy because i have finally found peace knowing what i need to do next.

WH do not want to let OW go and at the same is guilty like hell. I am also wondering everyday how he goes on living like that. The guilt most WH will say, can blind you. They feel so bad and dislike themselves so much that they truly believes we the BS deserve someone better.

They continue to believe in this thought and so continue with the affair...this is the fog.