My WS moved into her own apartment on 3/28 for 'time and space'. She is, and always has been, VERY irresponsible with money. Since she left, she has been charging her rent, among other things, to a credit card. The balance is now $5000 (it was $0 when she left). She makes plenty of money to afford her apartment (in fact, she has about as much money after expenses each month as I do, which is plenty for a comfortable life).

The credit limit on that card (which is only in her name) is $11,000, so I figure it will be maxed out in another couple of months (which is the soonest possible time we would be able to divorce). Don't get me wrong, I don't want a divorce, but I'm beginning to fear for my financial security. I've helped us dig out of her debt in the past, but I obviously have no control over her finances now, so the sky's the limit for her.

Financial Support is one of her top emotional needs, whether she recognizes it or not. On one hand, I'm hoping that when she maxes out her credit card, this may be a catalyst to bring her home. On the other hand, I'm not sure how I feel about her coming home just for money. I know that if she does come back, I more prepared than ever to meet her other ENs, so I don't think I really care what ultimately causes her to come home.

Thoughts? What can I do to protect my financial security through this? Is divorce the only option? I know I should talk to a lawyer; I just haven't gotten around to that yet...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by phantom8808:
<strong> The credit limit on that card (which is only in her name) is $11,000, so I figure it will be maxed out in another couple of months (which is the soonest possible time we would be able to divorce). Don't get me wrong, I don't want a divorce, but I'm beginning to fear for my financial security. I've helped us dig out of her debt in the past, but I obviously have no control over her finances now, so the sky's the limit for her.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The way I understand the whole cc debt thing is that even if the card is in her name only, if the debts are incurred during the M, they are your debts too, and you are responsible for half. Unless, of course throughout divorce proceedings you can settle on you pay this bill i will pay this one...but your credit is still at stake. Now, I don't know if that is the same for every state. Just thought I would give my 2 cents there!

Are you in Plan A, I think I read you are? I the OM living with her? Are you really asking if we think you should move to Plan B? Want to help you...if I can...more info!

Yeah, we're in Plan A. I actually THINK she has stopped seeing OM (though I can't confirm at this point, but if they're still together, he's certainly not helping her financially!). We see each other twice a week (to exchange our dogs), and I'm currently just trying to be her friend.

I'm not ready for Plan B yet; I've only be doing a GOOD Plan A for a couple weeks. I was just looking for financial advice. I think you're right in that any debts incurred during the marriage are considered OUR debt. We have to be separated for 6 months in VA prior to divorce, but it looks like I'll have to push for divorce when the time comes, just to protect my own financial life, even if there is still a possibility of reconciling.

Credit issues are kinda flaky.
The credit card company is ONLY concerned with who name is on the account. If it is her account, they will collect from her.
Likewise, if a divorce happens and your name is on the accounts they will come after you if she is not paying, EVEN if the court gave her the credit card debt.

Many people get dovrced and one or the other gets sole possession iof the house.
One party signs a quitclaim deed, which relenquishes all rights to the propery.
This does NOT relieve them of the mortgage, only the ownership of the property.
Who ever has their name on the mortgage, gets to pay the mortgage.

My advice is if your name is on the account, call and cancel it immediately. You would still be partially liable for everything charged up to now but [i]may[/b] limit your future liability.She can get a new card in her name only if she wants.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by phantom8808:
<strong> What can I do to protect my financial security through this?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Divorce is not the only option. Go see an attorney and inquire about a legal separation. These are not available in all states, provinces, countries, etc. But if this is available, you can divide all assests and debts lookin both forward and backward. The only catch is that it requires her cooperation.

BUT! Being confronted with hard, objective reality can be a powerful message.

<small>[ June 09, 2004, 04:35 PM: Message edited by: worthatry ]</small>

OK, thanks. I've cancelled all of our joint accounts; all she has is the one with *only* her name on it. I see what you mean about the credit card companies; I now remember seeing my last credit report, and only our joint accounts were on both of our reports. I guess that should be common sense, but alas...

WAT -- thanks. I am thinking that I'll go see a lawyer next week, just to make sure I'm covering my a$$.

Get a credit report. Not just this account.

www.freecreditreport.com

This service will alert you to new accounts as well.

Take a complete inventory of all accounts and balances. Checking, savings, stocks, bonds. Get a spreadsheet on the computer, log everything you own (house, cars, furniture) against everything you owe. Also note any pensions etc.

Make copies of them. Date and store in a safe location outside your home. This can serve as
your stake in the ground if you have to proceed.

If any debt is accumulated by her during this time you might be able to use it as soft leverage if you have to settle.

I'm in a bad way myself, my wife spent money like a drunken sailor, I worked my [censored] off to earn it.

Prepare for the worst, and hope for the best.

GOOD LUCK!

Shock -- That's a great idea. I subscribed to that service the last time I refinanced, but I forgot about them. I think I'll sign up and just check it every couple of weeks, to make sure there's nothing out of the ordinary going on...