I heard my husband talking to his cousin last night. He said he wants to go to his mothers in North Carolina in 2 weeks. Then I heard him doing some whispering. When husband met OW he always visited his mom then went to see her she lives in South Carolina.

I told him I wanted to go. He said no I don't want you to. He said my friend wAnts to move and may need my help. Even though the friend he is talking about he hasn't called in months and probably already has moved. I know he hasn't seen the OW since Dec. But they do have daily phone contact which both keep saying will stop soon.

I probably LB but I said to him if he goes and meets her that is it. Of course maybe that's what he wants. I really thought we were starting to get on track. I was starting to see the person I fell in love with. Now I am so depressed. Maybe I am blowing it out of proportion. But I feel like if he wants me to get my trust back in him he should be more willing to let me go or say I'll call you every couple hours or something.

What do I do? Do I insist on going? Do I just say go and trust him? I really would love to call her and say something but that probably would just make things worse. And her more set out to have him come if that is what he is planning. I really thought that me being pregnant would make him wake up and be the man I love but it seems they may never finally break contact.

Well, you two needs to have serious talk without you lbing, that is the only way you will get him to understand this No Contact. And it is always up to him, not to you. You cannot have control over you WH, but you can either go with him, or forbid him to go because you see it is not wise while you are still in planA! I hope you are still in plan A.

big hugs.. please tell us how you are doing..

<small>[ June 10, 2004, 04:08 PM: Message edited by: Harudah ]</small>

I am still in Plan A and that's why I am not really sure how to act with this situation. I really want to either go or to find some type of compromise. Because I know if he goes and does not call that much I will never be able to find out the truth if he met her or not. I was hoping someone else out there had a spouse who left on a trip and what they did to be sure nothing else was going on behind their back.

SadMDLady,

I haven't replied because I really don't know what to tell you.

You *can't* insist that he stay home. That's a big fat selfish demand.

Does your MIL know about the A? Can you ask her to let you know when H leaves her house? If he has a day or more of unaccounted-for time (especially overnight), that would be a big red flag.

Will your H be driving? Would a GPS hidden in his car tell you if he saw OW? It might if you know where she lives *and* he meets her at her house, but otherwise it wouldn't help.

How long is his intended trip? Can you afford to hire a PI for that time?

I can't imagine being in your shoes. Things certainly do look bad, I'm sorry to say <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

<small>[ June 11, 2004, 08:14 AM: Message edited by: turtlehead ]</small>

Only thing I told him is that I would like to go also. I haven't seen his mother in months. His mom knows about what went on. She was very upset with him when she found out. She actually cried and told him he didn't know what he had with me. Said I was a wonderful woman and she loves me. That is saying alot his mom is cambodian and she does not express her feelings about anyone to much. Plus at first she never liked me because I was white like his ex who cheated on him.

I think his cousin is riding with him but his cousin is also cheating on his long time GF. So I don't think his cousin would be much help. Thanks for the idea about calling his parents. I could call his mom and his sister and let them know he didn't want me to come that he may try to go spend the night a someone elses place and to make up some excuse about needing his help... They are good at that..I am going to look at his mileage before he leaves because the OW lives about 4 hours from his mom. So that is a couple more hundred miles. He will leave friday night and be back Sunday night as he always has. My only fear is that his mom hates to cause friction between us so if he did stay overnight she probably wouldn't say anything fearing I would be mad or leave.

I did tell him I was going to go even if he didn't want me and he said well I probably won't go then. We are going to have some alone time this weekend without the kids so I think I will try to talk to him more. Without LBing.

I suggest you stick to a strict Plan A.

Express your desire to go so that you can see his Mom - this you've already done.

If he continues to resist, allow him to go alone. Why? Because you can't stop him, you can't make him take you with him, and he needs to get the full "benefit" of being alone with OW.

When this is settled, wish him a good time and make yourself busy. Exude confidence and strength. Imagine him meeting up with OW with her turning out to be less than he's built her up to be since the last time. When this happens, how do you want him to remember you? BE that person until he leaves.

The affair never ended. He WILL be seeing her. Assume this.

This weekend, don't try to convince him NOT to go or to take you along. You've already made your case. Further requests are merely LBs.

WAT