For those of you who have followed my story for a while...

You may remember that I debated calling OM's parents a while back (about two weeks before the advent of Plan B.)

I never did. I just didn't feel right about it then. (I know, MB is non-intuitive, but still....)

I feel right about it now. I have for quite a few days. I think I would just like to call and say: "My name is Ethan. I believe you have met WW. I love WW with all my heart, and I wish strongly to reconcile my M. That is not possible while she is involved with your son, OM3. I have stood by my wife through similar experiences in the past, as I stay committed to her and our M today. I had the opportunity to speak with your S, roughly the same time that thier R began. He stated that he did not wish to interfere in our M. Unfortunately, that is what has occurred. I just wanted to take this opportunity to tell you that I love my WW and desire to recover my M. Thanks for your time,
Ethan"

What are your thoughts on this? Of course she will be upset at me, but what do I stand to lose at this point? I did not do it before, b/c I did not want to damage my Plan A. I am probably a month or so from being filed on, so I wouldn't want to wait until then, b/c it would seem retaliatory.

Your input is appreciated.....

Ethan

Hmmmm.

Not very Plan B like - if you aspire to the higher good of Plan B - isolating yourself from further pain.

Better timed earlier.

But what have you got to lose? Nothing.

What have you got to gain? Maybe, just maybe, his parents are not the type to defend what their child does no matter what. Maybe they have principles.

If you choose to do it, I recommend you just attach a note to your Plan B letter and deliver it in person so they can see a face.

WAT

Whew - I thought (by your title) you were suggesting wearing a trenchcoat and flashing people kind of exposure. DEFINATLY not Plan B material there.

Plan B's actualy intent is to protect you - and the side effect is that the WS goes nuts once they no longer know what you're up to, and what you're thinking and feeling. Plus, since you're no longer feeding their needs from your side of things, the OP becomes soley responsible for their happiness - which seldomly works for long.

It's up to you, but if you break the silence to do this you're potentially opening yourself back up to a load of pain, and essentially letting the WS know you're still there waiting.

WAT,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> What have you got to gain? Maybe, just maybe, his parents are not the type to defend what their child does no matter what. Maybe they have principles.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't know, but possibly. They do know about the A. Supposedly, thier response was "these things happen sometimes." They have been married for 25+ years. So, who knows... That could go either way.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> If you choose to do it, I recommend you just attach a note to your Plan B letter and deliver it in person so they can see a face.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They live about an hour and 1/2 away. Don't know how feasible it is. Perhaps a heartfelt letter with a picture of myself and WW? I thought a phone call would at least lend a voice.

h4f,
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Plan B's actualy intent is to protect you - and the side effect is that the WS goes nuts once they no longer know what you're up to, and what you're thinking and feeling. Plus, since you're no longer feeding their needs from your side of things, the OP becomes soley responsible for their happiness - which seldomly works for long.

It's up to you, but if you break the silence to do this you're potentially opening yourself back up to a load of pain, and essentially letting the WS know you're still there waiting.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A few points. I'm not really certain that WW even notices that I'm gone. She does seem happy, and while I know it's fleeting, it may not wear off until after the D. I definitely see the sand draining from the hourglass on that. And WW knows how I am. She knows that I will be committed to her as long as we are married. So she already knows that I am married until I'm not...... So I stand nothing to lose/gain by that....

Make sense?.....

I would not do it and break Plan B. Stay dark. You already know their reaction - "These things happen." Believe me, that would not be my reaction if one of my sons was having an adulterous relationship.

Take it from a former wayward spouse, FM - don't presume to know where she's at right now. YOU may think she seems happy, but you have NO IDEA if there's a battling raging on in her head or not. And it's not worth the exhaustive effort to try and guess - because YOU CAN'T. This is one of those things where you HAVE to let her go and let her figure out her own head. If she truly IS happy - then nothing you can do is going to bring her back around - and if she's not - well...you'll find out.

The ws usually tells everyone "we're separated" or "he kicked me out & he is divorcing me."
This will let them know how you really feel about the marriage.

I have stood by my wife through similar experiences
I'd delete this.
They may just think you should end it since she has done it previously. Or they may think you're an a$$ and "obviously" not someone who is worth staying with she should leave you.

Deliver it in person.
Since it is a bit of a drive, they will see this is not something you are doing just to stir up trouble.

Interesting perspectives. And thanks to each of you for your input. Definitely something for my mind to chew on.

I hope you guys see how this fits into the internal struggle I'm fighting right now. Making sure, I've left no stone unturned, but at the same time I'm doing well at letting go.


believer,
I don't believe this was thier response. This was relayed through MIL through WW through OM3. We remember that game in elementary school, right? I asked my mom I while back how she would handle it if the roles were reversed. She smiled and said "That's a question you don't want an answer to. Don't try it...." I love my mom!

hope,
I think you've summed up my struggle...

Chris,
Thanks. I haven't come up with anything concrete, nor have I really found a decent time to do this, so I have time to construct something.

Thanks