H and I are in recovery and I think we are doing real good so far. OW denied A and tried to make it seem as if H was just a pervert and she never did anything with him. I think she is lying, why would H make up something so horrible? H cried when he found out what she said and says she has crushed all feelings he had for her. He thought she would stick by him and take up her part in the A too, and now he is disgusted with her actions. He says it is OVER and only wants me. Good news? Or just more lies?
Anyway, we have let a few close family members in on what has been happening with us. Thing is, they do not understand me staying with H. They want me to leave him and see his A with my sister a disgusting and unforgivable act. I want to stay cause really I love my H with all my heart. They think it's a sorry excuse and tell me I don't need him. How can I convince them that this marriage is worth saving? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

I suggest you not even try to convince them.

They will eventually convince themselves by observing your success.

They are reacting similar to popular culture - an affair defines the end.

Do they propose your sister leave the family?

I'm inclined to believe your H, based on your description.

Your sister HAS to put her spin on it to be accepted by the family - and they will tend to believe her.

But in the end, the truth is likely to be realized, if not spoken.

Do what you know is right.

Actually, my mother told my sister she would disown her if she found out she actually did have an A with my H. Which is why I believe she is denying everything. Should I try to convince my mother not to disown her so the truth can come out, or just let her make her own decision?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by lcg_25:
<strong>Which is why I believe she is denying everything.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding!!

Right answer! (I learned this from Susan.)

Don't try to convince anybody of anything. I assume you've told them the truth already. That's all you need to do.

No intelligent person will believe your sis wasn't a willing participant. If not, she should file rape charges. (But don't put that suggestion past her.)

WAT

there was a poster some time ago, who's name escapes me, who also had her husband have an affair with her sister. if one of the oldtimers could remember and pass on her name to you, perhaps you could check up on her old posts. i think it started with a m? and had something like needs help in the name?

but i remember her sister was a bit strange, and very manipulative. her family was involved in it, since the sister kept trying to cause trouble...

maybe if you find out who she is, you can read her posts and find some help? sorry i can't remember her name.

Thanks for the info. I'll keep my eyes open. I would love to know how this other person handled the situation. It is very hard being betrayed this way. But, I know I will get thru it. Thanks again.

The best way I think to make yourself absolutely miserable is to live your life in light of what other people think. If you've told the truth and your husband has told the truth, you have nothing further to be concerned.

Your mother has done a disservice to her family. She has stopped the healing with her threats. You can try to convince her otherwise but I think you have bigger fish to fry.

This is so sad as relationships within your family are permanently damaged. One way or the other the truth will come out.