I've been looking for stories of best friend betrayals and would like to ask you two a question.

Pepperband - Your H had A with BF's wife, right? My question is do your H and his BF still have a relationship or is there NC?

Spider - Basically the same question. OW was your supposed BF, right? Do you continue to talk with her or NC?

Thanks for any insight.

There is NC between me and the OW, as there is with H and OW. I don't see her as any type of friend anymore. I now can only see her through my BS eyes.

I posted a long time ago about this subject. While my H was still very foggy, one of the reasons he knew our M would never work and that he could never come home was because he insisted he would always be friends with this woman. I insisted that if he came home, NC was a condition.

We were at an impasse - one of many. Anyway, my post on this subject was: H couldn't understand how I was willing to forgive him and let him come home, but would never talk to OW again. He said he did most of the skirt-chasing, and that she was almost innocent. HA! Now that the fog has worn off, he is able to see that she manipulated, too. It takes two to have an A.

Anyway, I got some really good posts back on what I could tell H is the reason I was willing to take him back, and not her, into my life. Basically, H and I made vows, we have 15 years of history together. Luckily, this BF of mine was only in my life a short while. Confused & Scared's FWH's OW was her BF of over 35 years!

So, the short answer again is NO, NC. She is a HW to me now. She herself is D, has kids with 2 different men, and told me how aweful it is to be D, kids have no father in the house all the time, and then she perpetuated that sitch on me. Grrrr.

Now we are in recovery. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

SS

H couldn't understand how I was willing to forgive him and let him come home, but would never talk to OW again. He said he did most of the skirt-chasing, and that she was almost innocent. HA! Now that the fog has worn off, he is able to see that she manipulated, too. It takes two to have an A.

This also happened with my H. He is slowly realizing just how much OW did have to do with the A as well. He still protects her somewhat, but I'm hoping this is just more fog. It makes me feel sick.

What is a HW?

Thank you for your reply. It helps.

Originally posted by lcg_25:

Pepperband - Your H had A with BF's wife, right? My question is do your H and his BF still have a relationship or is there NC?

There is NC. There are occasional unavoidable "sightings". They grew up across the street from each other and their mothers still live across the street from each other. When we visit H's mom, there is a small possibility OW's H will be visiting his mom. Or, even more rarely, OW might be visiting her MIL. In the past 8 years ... fewer than a dozen sightings.

I would like to mention, there is one other person I insisted NC with. The one male friend who knew about my H's A ... as well as ~encouraged~ the affair. This man lives in Japan now, so there is no problem with NC. This man's philosophy is "get some on the side" because "that's what a man does." He has cheated on his (Japanese) wife their entire M.

My H regrets the NECESSARY loss of OW's H friendship ... not so much the enabler guy now living in Japan.

My H picks better friends now! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My H picks better friends now! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah for Mr. Pep! He is the best. I admire his strength and integrity. He recovered from lots of stuff when you consider the affair and alcohol. Not an easy task!

bye, bye Maxi-pad! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Icg, as time goes on, I believe your H, as mine did, will not protect her anymore. That wore off slower than I'd hoped, unfortunately. H is very honest with both himself and me now about who did what.

I also know in time that the "who did what" will become less and less important to me. It is a process. I am still digesting and processing and coming to terms with what has happened in my life and marriage.

And HW is what I picked up from Octobergirl. Home Wrecker. That is what I call the OW. And I do have incidental contact with her, as we live in a small community, and her S is in H's Scout patrol. I haven't seen her at Scouts since February, her S is far behind the other boys now, and I am hoping he has lost interest.

Which is a shame, since she is a single mom, and the S's father lives in another state and doesn't contact him often. BUT, she made the choices she made, and she has natural consequences for those choices - like not feeling comfortable in that environment anymore, since H and I are back together. She is not very popular in the community anymore.

Anyway, hang in there. Sounds like your H is coming around just fine.

SS

Thanks for the insight. I've been comteplating if I should have NC with my sister(OW) for some time. We've known each other all our lives, and were somewhat like best friends, but I also cannot stand to look at her anymore. I also only see her as a HW now. I think of all the times she acted as if she cared about me and then being with my H at the same time. It makes me sick to my stomach and I just wish she would fall off the face of the earth! That's normal right? LOL

Yeah, normal. I have a fantasy of poking out HW's eye. Just one. My H says that I would go to jail, but not if she can't see me, right?

And, a plus for her, is that she will only have to buy one contact to wear in her one eye.

So she can still see, just no depth perception. And I think that is fair! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Of course, I am only daydreaming . . . er, I mean, kidding. I'm only kidding . . .

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> SS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I've been comteplating if I should have NC with my sister(OW) for some time. We've known each other all our lives, and were somewhat like best friends, but I also cannot stand to look at her anymore.

OK .... a direct primary relative... here's what I think about this:

There are no "rules".

You get to decide if you EVER want to contact her.

It is 100% YOUR decidion.

There is no "right or wrong" ... and don't let anyone tell you differently.

YOURS ~is~ a unique situation.

YOUR rules apply.... and YOU get to make them up as you go along.

When YOU feel it is in YOUR best interests.... change the rules and have contact with your sister.

YOU are 100% in charge.

What your WH thinks ... interesting, however immaterial.

What your Mother thinks ... interesting, however immaterial.

What Spider or I think ... interesting, however immaterial.

YOU are the rulemaker of what will or will not be too unbearable to tolerate.

Seize your power. Power over yourself.

Tell your H this:

"If and when I decide to have a relationship with Sis, I'll let you know. It will forever be my decision, for only I can know what I can tolerate."

Be self-aware.

Be self-assured that YOU know what is best for you.

You don't need to lock this relationship up any longer if YOU ~desire~ to see her.

Got that?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Pep