I have gotten my relationship with my wife to a certain good but fragile place, and there is so much pain and anguish here at the forum. I don't feel secure enough in my step up and out of this last year's h@ll, so I'll take a vacation from here for now - time to nurture what I've found.<BR>For my best and last widsom see my other post - new woman et al: RECOVERING!......<BR>Bye, <BR>Dave<p>[This message has been edited by Dave P. (edited September 16, 1999).]

Huh?<BR>

Maya, I fixed it!<BR>(Gad, that was foggy, wasn't it?)

Dave,<P>Before you go, I just wanted to say thanks for your advice on my Thread. I just read it and will post there also, but I wanted to make sure you see it.<P>I must have the right idea - I have been doing what you suggested to me.....I have been working on a letter for a couple of months now : actually two letters. I've written and rewritten and everytime H and I have contact I have to change something.<P>Our 10th anniversary is at the end of this month and I am trying to figure out if I should give the letter before, on or after...possibly with some little gift (saw a great little Taco Bell dog stuffed animal that says the line from the taco bell commercial - H loves that little dog, it cracks him up)<P>Anyway, I would love any input on this idea!!! I can't read it to H, that's been one of the reasons why I am so frustrated....everytime I try to say anything about us, our relationship or anything about this in general - he either runs or gets angry and defensive. Not over what I said, just to avoid any talk of the situation.<P>You see, I don't even know why H has cheated, left and filed for divorce. He has not said much at all about it. Just did it. Anything I say as to reasons is mostly speculation. I don't have a clue from his own mouth.<P>Thanks again for your help and if you have so more wisdom for me - boy, I'd sure appreciate it!!!<P>Good luck to you and your rebuilding and may God help lead the way.<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<BR>

Good Luck! <P><BR>Jill

Sheba, <BR>My wife showed amazing anger when I tried to bring up our problems. She even accused me of going about destroying her, and, by God, she wouldn't let that happen! I guess it was fear that showed itself in that way. It helps explain the out-of-the-blue anger she'd tended toward in past years - while she'd held the secret. (Did you read my profile?) Besides, I got all tongue-tied and confused trying to do such a weighty thing face-to-face. I gave her letters before, telling her I loved her, meant no harm, but WHY?? She would not read them. I've come to realize that "why?" is besides the point anyway. She doesn't know herself. The "reasons" She'd come up with finally were after the fact, trying to figure it out herself, and - from what I've learned (more than 20 books besides MB) - off the mark anyway. So. It seems to me that your husband probably wouldn't read what you simply handed over either. Hence the idea of reading it TO him. Pehaps in a booth or cozy corner of a restaurant you treat him to. Some such. (Don't let the waitress interrupt, though. That happened to me. No big deal, if you could just get him to listen.) I'd drop the pooch, though - too cute for the scene.<BR>This worked for us. At least it was a breakthrough. Everbody's different. There was no filing for D in our case. It seems to be such an imperative - even a code - to deny and keep silent, avoiding confrontation at ALL costs. Maybe he feels he HAS to file, considering the compromised position he's in. His buddies?<BR>I don't have much more up my sleeve. It's a lonely quest, isn't it? The loneliest - without our loved one to help us. <BR>Best of luck!<BR>Dave

Sheba,<BR>P.S. Did you see my topic "new woman et al: RECOVERING! And grateful to all at MB. Here's why:"? I put my letter there.