Good day! Thanks to those who responded to my post a month ago....the problem resolved itself. My XH (as of 10 am this morning)filed for divorce and it is done. After 2 years of separation, it was really time.

I feel OK..can you believe it? Two years ago I felt so deseperate and my life seemed so out of control. In my own way, I wish him the best. I do confess that I wish that he and the OW's relationship would dissolve because I hate the time she spends with my kids. I haven't made peace with that issue yet. Everytime my XH seemed down or "remorseful", he would magically be wisked away for a wonderful weekend with the OW..he never allowed himself to feel anything or take responsbility.

I always believed that things happen for a reason and I still do but I don't understand how a person like the OW "won" over a family and that a manipulative person "wins" over values. But as I said, there must be a reason and I'm probably better off this way.

My kids are doing well. My job is going well. My house is sold and I'm renting another house. I'm dating, yes, before my divorce was final. My special friend really helped me to see that relationships can be equal, I can be loved and not feel inadequate because I am not younger and perfect. I know some feel it is wrong to date but my XH and I were legally separated and after 1 1/2 years of no discussion of reconciliation and no sex..I felt ready to test the waters again..and it helped me realize that I still had a good future ahead-just different.

For those who have posted to me..thanks! Two years ago I was basketcase and this site and your posts really helped! Time does heal all wounds but I don't wish this affair experience on anyone...not even the OW.

For newbies who may see this just as another failed marriage, I know this doesn't mean anything to you right now..I remember only wanting to read about the recovered marriages for the first year..but I am a different person than two years..a better one and my next permanent relationship will be a better one that I had. I think about the intimacy (emotional and physical) I have now in my relationship that didn't exist in my marriage and I know I could never go back..even if it was an option.

Would I have tried to create this intimacy with my XH if he had wanted to? Yes, a year ago I would have but it takes two willing partners to put back something this destroyed. I think the one partner changing and it changes the relationship philosohy is valid but after the point of separation and virtually no contact..then it takes two.

I'm OK..I'm really OK...I shed a few tears this morning, said a prayer asking God to take care of him and let it go. I'm smiling..I'm working. In fact, XH just called regarding the kids and asked why I was in such a good mood. I just answered because it was Friday and didn't even mention what today was. LIFE GOES ON!!

Thanks All!

Sorry to hear about the divorce, something we all dread. But it is great that you have moved on and became a better person.

That is the one thing that I love the most about this site. It does change YOU.

CS-
Its been quite a while (over a year and a half???) since I last posted to one of your threads. Lately I have been lurking around on these boards and it was nice to see a fellow old-timer come back with an update. Life does go on! Having the D finalized will allow you to close this painful chapter in your life and open a new one, a new chapter with blank pages that you can fill in with happy times and wonderful memories.

Having the OW be a part of your kids lives has got to hurt, a lot. The odds are against them statistically so you never know, maybe now that the D is done it will change some of the dynamics of their relationship. That was one thing I worried about myself but OM and WS's relationship came crashing down before that happened. Just keep being that wonderful mom for your kids, they need it and will always remember it.

You sound strong and very positive about where you have come from and where you are going. I have looked at some of my original posts and cant believe that was me almost 3 years ago. It takes time and a lot of hard work but the result is a wonderful place to be. Its good to hear that you have met someone new who makes you feel special and reaffirms your belief that relationships can and do work. I know there are going to be many, many happy moments for you in the future.

I wish you the best and thank you as well for being there for me during the darkest time of my life. I am glad to see another success story here on MB. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

The MB-er formally know as LoveHerStill.

cantsleep, I am sorry about your divorce, but so happy that it all worked out for the best for you! I am thankful that you found a friend who could help you through all this. Your post reminds that we do live through the darkest despair of our lives. I remember thinking when my H left me that I would NEVER get over this grief! But we did, didn't we? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

cs:

I remember your posts. I, 2, am sorry 2 hear of the divorce, but glad that you are emotionally healthy and happy. THAT is success. Maybe not recovery of your M, but recovery of yourself.

all my best,
-ol' 2long

can't sleep,

What a name!
I had a diary last year, it was called ruffled sheets-- can't sleep either!!

Anyways, I am happy to know that one can recover from a failed marriage and be happy.

I am at a stage where I think of divorce more often than I think of recovering my marriage. I remember waking up one morning after dday, visualizing our divorce papers and broke into tears. Each time after a really bad fight, I think of leaving, my heart breaks all over again. I am just laying low now, trying not to LB and wait till my head, my heart and my soul are ready to leave. To leave someone you love must be the saddest thing ever.

Anyhow, I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate your post... I know divorce can be both sad and happy. Your words, "... a relationship can be equal, I can be loved and not feel inadequate because I am not younger and perfect" mean a lot to me. I need a little sunshine today. I fear being abandoned, I fear being lonely. I have no one to call my own. Your post gave me a little hope. Thanks, can't sleep.