Well today is the WW's birthday. 39 years old and still gorgeous. Got her a simple card an a bouquet of flowers, the kids made her a two-layer cake. SHe is not home. She told my daughter this morning that she was having lunch with her friend and then had some "appointments". (I believe she knew that DD would tell me.)

Scared she is cleaning out our accounts, or filing D papers. Our next appointment with MC isn't until June 21.

Should I go see an attny? Should I get a PI to verify this A come to Divorce time? Should I clean out the accounts to protect our marital assets? How would she react?

Don't know what to do.

I don't want to get a divorce. I do want to protect our marital assets from being squandered or worse given to this internet preditor. And I do want to ensure easy access to my children, joint custody if possible. I don't want her to take them out of the area.

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 06:05 PM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

What state do live in? Some states are no fault and it makes no difference whether there is an A.

Family man. I am no expert but IMO start to do things to protect yourself ASAP. You don't have to be mean about it, but watch your back. If she get's angry at you just tell her that this is her decision and that you have to protect yourself. but if you don't want divorce read about plan A/B before you do anything.

Florida. But I looked at a website for Florida Divorces, and it says that Affairs could effect custody of children and the amount of alimony I'd have to pay.

WW has been using key phrases that make me think that she has either talked to an attny, or has done some research with her friends. She has accused me of abusing her, (which I have to shamefully admit to angry outbursts) and that I would not "let" her work. Which is untrue, she would not find work.

I want to first and foremost work on me, but not have the family ruined by her poor judgement now.

By all means contact an attorney to learn the laws in your jurisdiction.

Right away, I believe you can legally take half of all your liquid assets and shelter them in an account that is only yours, but you need real advice. Consider cancelling joint credit cards, after informing your wife that you're doing this.

Talk to an attorney as soon as possible.

Yes, contact an attorney immediately so you know your rights. In my situation, I hired a PI and it really assisted me in bargaining power for alimony and visitation (OW seeing kids overnight,etc). Thankfully, I never needed to introduce the report for a settlement. In fact, I never read the report or watched the tape. I didn't want any images in my mind.
Take care of yourself first and then you can concentrate on the marriage. These first weeks/months are important record keeping times..money/accounts...etc. and if your marriage recovers..then the bonus is that you are really organized! See an attorney..good luck. PS..I like the flowers and card idea!

Thanks for advice. I just feel like I'm betraying the family doing this.

I have read Plan A/B in SAA. I don't recall seeing a part about financial protection.

Instead of moving accounts that would be in just your name which would be a big LB, have the accounts set up where both signatures would be required for withdrawal. This would protect you and her, and show her that you consider your marriage as sacred. Moving the accounts to just your name will be intrepreted that you have given her the green light to move on and it will greatly inflame her. She'll see OM as her protector and you as the threat.

....

<small>[ July 06, 2004, 06:07 PM: Message edited by: 1Tin Man ]</small>

Talk to an attorney, please. Ask him/her for specific, detailed advice before PI or account altering. Adultery usually only becomes a factor for support factoring.

FLORIDA CHILD CUSTODY: Joint or sole custody may be granted. Joint custody is referred to as "shared parental responsibility". Both parents are given equal consideration in any award of custody. Custody is granted according to the best interests of the child, based on the following factors: (1) the moral character and prudence of the parents; (2) the capability and desire of each parent to meet the child's needs; (3) preference of the child, if the child is of sufficient age and capacity; (4) the love and affection existing between the child and each parent; (5) the length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity; (6) the desire and ability of each parent to allow an open and loving frequent relationship between the child and the other parent; (7) the child's adjustment to his or her home, school, and community; (8) the mental and physical health of the parents; (9) the material needs of the child; (10) the stability of the home environment likely to be offered by each parent; (11) any evidence of spouse abuse; and (12) any other relevant factors. No preference is to be given because of parent's sex. Custody and visitation may not be denied based on the fact that a parent or grandparent may be infected with human immunodeficiency virus. The court may order totaling custody if it is in the best interests of the child. There is a parenting course requirement. [Florida Statutes Annotated; Chapters 61.13, 61.21 and 61.121].

FLORIDA SPOUSAL SUPPORT: The court may grant rehabilitative or permanent alimony to either spouse in either lump-sum or periodic payments or both. Adultery is a factor in the award. Other factors which are considered are: (1) the time necessary to acquire sufficient education and training to enable the spouse to find appropriate employment, and that spouse's future earning capacity; (2) the standard of living established during the marriage; (3) the duration of the marriage; (4) the sources of income available to either party; (5) the contribution of each spouse to the marriage, including services rendered in homemaking, child care, education, and career building of the other spouse; (6) the age of the spouses; (7) the physical and emotional conditions of the spouses; each spouse's share of marital assets and liabilities; and (8) any other factor the court deems just and equitable. Alimony payments made be ordered to be paid through a state depository, but this is not required if there are no minor children. [Florida Statutes Annotated; Chapter 61.08].

Thanks Robby. I called the bank and asked about requiring two signatures, but they said they don't do that. Do other banks offer that service.

Good Lord! Wife just called and said she saw a divorce attny. She denied filing any papers though.

Larger institutions usually do. However, setup could require both. You may need to prioritize between LBing and waking up broke. YOUR attorney will be able to help you be defensive in necessary.