Durham, I've been following your story as well and think you've gotten some great advice from the vets. It sounds as if you've done a stellar plan B so far. Keep up the good work.
I know so little about setting up for visitation. Will your WH be notified when you make the visitation arrangements? I know you've already done a Plan B letter to him, but if your WH would take the visitation as a notification of divorce, you'd want to frame the subject so that it was still clear you wanted to save the marriage.
It's hard to say when my WH came out of the fog and for every WH there seems to be a different dawn of understanding. Things are very new for us but I think we both have a growing faith that our feelings and relationship will grow with attention and care.
For a lot of people, it's difficult to understand the impact your own child will have on your life until you meet them. After you love your child, you can never imagine your life without them again. I wouldn't say parenting for me was love at first sight, but I was in love as soon as she smiled at me.
Right now, your WH has no understanding of what he's giving up for OW. He has not met your beautiful child, he has not seen OW's selfishness, and he is not invested in anyone else except himself. She is mirroring to him what he wants to see. He's not a bad guy doing bad things, he's just an average guy trying to be happy. She understands that it's not his fault that he left his pregnant wife, he just wants to be happy. And you deserve to be happy to, but he can't give that to you because (fog speak goes in circles because there is no point other than "me, me, me, me, me").
I don't know what kind of visitation arrangement's your seeking, but I feel there might be a risk in isolating your WH too much from the baby. Can you ask this of WAT and the other Plan B parents? How will he ever know what he's sacrificing for OW if the baby never has a chance to become real to him?
Unless he is dangerous crazy.
