<small>[ August 18, 2004, 04:17 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

I don't know. I've heard too many stories where the person was told to take a plea, even though he wasn't guilty to "make things easier", told he'd be only on probation but STILL ended up in jail, innocent, but used as an "example" to others.

Its too bad the judicial system isn't really about justice but rather lawyers aiming to "win", right or wrong.

If the judge is flirting with the woman, can't you get another judge somehow? Its probably one of the "good ole boys" situations. Sorry.

On principal I would say fight. But the reality of the court system makes it hard. I was sued in a civil court by a big corp. I easily could have won the case but the cost would have been 4 times what they agreed to settle for. I just could not travel 500 miles to fight so I settled without agreeing to blame.

A criminal case is somewhat different and IMHO I think I would fight it. The stigma of pleading guilty could come back to haunt you.

I think you might have to tell the entire story for us to make a judgement call on that.

By the way, what does your DW think you should do?

SS

<small>[ August 18, 2004, 04:21 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

It would depend on the consequences. For instance, if you plead guilty to a lesser offense what happens?

Could the judge arbitrarily put you in jail?

Could the woman sue in civil court afterwards?

Would you be forced to register as a sex offender?

Would you be obliged to answer "Yes" on job applicants when they ask if you've ever been convicted of a crime?

If yes to the above, would that keep you from jobs in the future?

What does your wife want you to do?

April

I don't say the following to denigrate you in any way, but that said:

If you have the resouces and are a principaled person, you stand up and fight. You get the best lawyer money can buy and you go do the right thing. Then when you lose, you appeal and start all over again.

Your heart says one thing and your mind another. So have you prayed about it? And if so, what has God helped you to decide? It sounds like you have issues with forgiveness (both with yourself and OW). You need to search your soul and if you are a religious person, revert back to those roots. You say you don't think about it except when you are here, with the college psych student, but your post bares your soul and something is troubling you very much. Go back to your faith and dig deep. Good luck and Good Bless!

or HATE?

<small>[ August 18, 2004, 04:19 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whiteknight1:
<strong>My mind tells me --- get away from this lunatic.

My heart tells me --- don't let someone abuse the legal system and get away with this crap.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">WK,

"Friend turned enemy" is the WORST kind of enemy.

I only think your best advice should come from your own words above..........

FOLLOW YOUR MIND.

Do what you have to do to get AWAY from this "lunatic" asap.

As far as her abusing the system, it just is what it is. LOTS of people abuse the system their whole lives.

Do you want to spend the rest of YOUR life "fixing" this? Or do you want to spend the rest of your life LIVING it?

If you want to "live again" - you need to distance yourself from all of this.

If "taking a plea" will accomplish that, I am all for that.

Then, change your phone #'s, change your email addies, change your cars, change EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO SO THIS WOMAN CAN NO LONGER GET IN TOUCH WITH YOU.

My 2¢

God Bless,

<small>[ June 11, 2004, 07:41 PM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>

<small>[ August 18, 2004, 04:22 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whiteknight1:
<strong> Good questions! Sorry I didn't answer that all before.

GREAT NEWS! Sort of.

It's 5 years probation. I probaly have to see some gov guy once a month, and I think pay for that honor.

The State Prosecutor agreed to expunge the record. It will be sealed immediately. I am not pleaing innocent or guilty. So SHE CAN NEVER say I was convicted of anything! In about 2-3 years I can honestly answer that I was NEVER arrested for anything, because there will be NO PROOF whasoever. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">To be quite honest I would take the easy way out. I would take the probation. But only because the records will be sealed and I could honestly say I was never arrested.

The fight you'll have to make would take a lot of energy and money that could be put into your marriage or something that makes you happy. Plus it gives the OW less leverage on your life.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whiteknight1:
<strong>
She can try to sue me in civil court for "emotional disress." My laywer said "bring it on" because she has been in and out of therapy since she was 13, so if she claims emotional distress, we can GET ALL OF HER THERAPY RECORDS. Normally, we could not, but IF SHE CLAIMS ED, then we get to see how she is so distressed. I can't imagine her wanting a bunch of strangers see what therapists had to say about her for the last 20 years. Would you? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Since she could also sue you in civil court if you fought it in criminal court (re: OJ), then I guess it doesn't really affect the decision. If she decides to go this route I would definitely fight it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whiteknight1:
<strong>
My W wants this b-tch to get in trouble for her crimes, but she also wants this b-tch out of out lives. She is well aware that OW is doing this because she loves me ad hates me ---- perhaps equally. Sounds weird, huh? In fact, I wouldn't mind some feedback on that too. What exactly is motivating her? LOVE or HATE? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I understand the frustration. You want to prove your innocence but it means time, effort, money, and dealing with OW. There's definitely a trade-off. Good luck with your decision.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by whiteknight1:
<strong>

She is well aware that OW is doing this because she loves me ad hates me ---- perhaps equally. Sounds weird, huh? In fact, I wouldn't mind some feedback on that too. What exactly is motivating her? LOVE or HATE? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Mental illness. Don't waste time trying to figure her or her motivations out. I'll drive you crazy since there's no logic/reason and there's no benefit to it. She's mentally ill.

April

Only you can assess that. You asked for an opinion and I gave you mine. Obviously, you don't have to use it. But hopefully I provided something that gave you something else to think about and will maybe provide insight into the avenue you will eventually take. As I said before, Good luck and God Bless!

I faced false charges once by my ex-wife. The whole thing based on love-turned-hate. My lawyer (who cost $1000 just to show up) advised me to plead guilty because I could very well lose. If I plead not guilty and was found guilty I was facing 2 years of no-contact with my son, who was in her care.

Blink, blink.

I snapped inside. At that moment I decided I'd rather go to jail than give credence to her lies. She was the one abusing me!!!

So that answers your question.

Onto you...

Law is a mind game. They are pulling your leg. If you have never been arrested, they have no playable police file. In Canada, any complaint to the police is logged in an 'incident report'. If your name is on any such document, I can't think of a good reason you weren't contacted. Oh, wait, I just thought of a reason... OW's lawyer is full of sh*t! She's playing games with you, trying to intimidate you into dealing.

The judge... hmmmmm.... that's a crapshoot. 50/50 is probably as good a number as any.

All I can say is you gotta make your own choice. I was lucky. My ex, when she saw I wouldn't cower, dropped the whole thing. I was aquitted. I love that word.

I understand getting OW out of your life is a big motivation. No guarantees that pleading guilty will accomplish that.

Do you figure OW is lying to her husband? Maybe to cover her own butt at home?

Oh yeah, glad to hear you fessed up to your wife. Good job.

dewt

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 12:18 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

YEAH! YOURE BACK!
I havent read thread yet
wanted to let you know I am here!

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 12:20 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

this is all such a mess for you...
how is your health-physically &
emotionally? How are you & W?
this must be so consuming for you
that it must be hard to focus on W.
I wish I knew what to say to make
it more understandable-sometimes
life just sucks...

PAL:

My friend! You are here! Glad to have you around.

<small>[ August 18, 2004, 04:26 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

when is the next legal thing
taking place? how do things
stand?
tell me how your W is...

<small>[ August 18, 2004, 04:27 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>