I don't quite understand why you have to forgive the OW. She is not your concern. She is a nothing in your life. OK, we (us FWS's) haven't had your problems but life is still pretty sh**ty when you've been used by someone else.

You need to sort out the legal stuff in the best way possible for you and your W and then move on. REALLY move on.

It really doesn't matter what the lawyers are like or anything else. All that matters is to get all this out of your life and MOVE ON.

Jenny

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 12:21 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

You see you're doing it again. Where Mrs Looney Tunes goes next or what she does next doesn't matter. To a lesser degree every WS has this problem. I wondered what happened to OM after my H outed him to his W. Now I don't care. They can get on with it however they like. And you have to be like that. I couldn't give a rat's patootie about why OM chose to hurt me. That's his agenda and his problem.

So what if she thinks it's like a movie. That's not for you to worry about.

And by the way "intense" doesn't even begin to cover you <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Jenny

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And by the way "intense" doesn't even begin to cover you </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, you'll be happy to know I take tha as a compliment! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Maybe I said it wrong. I don't care about OW. I onl care about OW in reference to what she is going to try to do to ME next! I wish somone would invent an OW repellant. I'd be spraying a ton of it in her direction.

I don't believe it, I got a smile out of you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Yes, intense is good - it shows deep feelings. Just try to keep them from busting out all over the place. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Gotta go now.

Jenny

wk,

I hope you can work this out, find some peace and wisdom.

God Bless you and keep you and your wife too. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

WK, run head for the border. Don't take any chances, just RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome back, you brave soul. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Sorry for the drama you are in. I have read that the OW is out for the drama in a lot of cases. I'm guessing tis so in your case.

Sorry about your luck. Is your W behind you? I hope so.
The best to you. KY

wk..nice to see you back! I'm sorry for all this BS that you and W are having to go through. Is it possible for you to relocate and just put all this sh** behind you. Go somewhere that OW can't find you so that you can get on with your life!! I would like to comment about trying to forgive OW. You are in a totally different place than the rest of us FWS! I can't imagine having to go through this "revenge" phase that OM is going through. She is obviously sick and I have to wonder if she has had other A's that have affected her like this. I guess the only thing that you can strive for is to not hate her and to not become bitter because that will only affect you and your relationships.

I wish you the best in whatever course you decide to take. I hope that you are feeling better physically although I know that all this has got to be taken it's toll on you and your w! Keep us posted WK!

WKnight,

Dude, whether you want it or not, you've got my sympathy for your current plight.

As far as your question: My initial reaction is too tell you to Fight this. Especially since you are innocent (of the charges). My gut is to NEVER let an injustice go unchallenged. I can't stand phonies, and I detest seeing people who lie and cheat get away with their scheming and manipulations.
In addition, it appears that you have a strong defense.
My strong sense of fair play as well as what is Right and Wrong, would encourage you to Prove your innocence.
Because once you take the plea, as far as the world is concerned you are "Guilty" (no explanations after the fact).

With that said, we are still talking about the possibility of PRISON.
(I've been in the USMC, had surgery, ect,. and Prison is the one place I Know I could not handle).

This is not just a hypothetical (to you) & I am going to have to put myself in your situation. Not only with your feelings but also with the possible ramifications.

With the number of people I see who are guilty getting off, I don't really trust the process as I once did. Even with the best of lawyers, it is still a huge risk.

I suppose the one part of your story that lead me to backtrack somewhat is the fact that your records will both be sealed and then expunged. That is a HUGE plus. (Combined with NO Jail Time, that is!) However, make sure that this is guaranteed Before you agree to anything (IN Writing) . Not that I think you wouldn't!

So just from what little I know about this, (as much as it galls me to write) I almost have to vote for you to accept the plea. (52%--48%)! At least this way you KNOW exactly what the outcome is,... Exactly what your consequences will be,.. and you can finally Begin to get on with your life.
Basically it takes the X factor (unknown) out of the equation. And when the equation is YOUR LIFE, we'd all like to have as much control and input as possible.

Unfortunately, our Judicial system is built to get plea bargains. It encourages people to "make a deal". They are sure to really Come after you IF (yes, only IF) you are found guilty.

As far as the forgiving part: You can't worry about that for a second Until all this Real Life Drama is played out. Later you can worry (or not) about forgiving-----for Her, for YOU, or not at all. For now, there is NO Way you'll ever really forgive. So let that rest till you get some closure to all your current problems.

Wish I could be of more help. I really Do. However, these are Huge life changing decisions we are discussing here. I can only imagine the Back and Forth that is Constantly going on in your head---- First weighing the Pros & then the Cons of each path you could choose.
Getting that ulcer treated yet??

Unfortunately, I don't know what the final outcome will be, whichever way you decide to go. For your sake, I wish that someone here could be sure.

I understand that you are not religious, but I am. Therefore, I am going to pray for you, that you get the clarity to choose the best course of action for you and your future. Sometimes it can be the smallest of things that can make us SEE the road we must follow. I want you to get that extra insight, the one that will tip the scale in favor of the Right decision for you.

I wish you success in your endeavorers to save your life, reputation and future.
I'll pray for your revelation in which choice to make.

Take care

Dear WhiteKnight,
you initially said :
------------------------------------------------
If someone accused you of a crime you DID NOT commit, and you could PROVE that person is a liar, is mentally and emotionally unstable, and you had a chance to go to trial and fight back ........ or take a plea of prohbation and it will all (hopefully) be over; which would you choose?
------------------------------------------------
In my (humble) opinion I think you should walk away and ignore this person if you can. There is no way to get "justice" here, if she is all you say, she is a sick person and needs psychological help. Any attention you will give her, even negative attention, will make her feel more important, more fascinating, more of a person.
It seems to me she is like those people who are constantly inventing new diseases they supposedly have and who can talk about nothing else.
I think you cannot win this, maybe you can in court, but not as a human being. You would be the better and stronger person if you would let go of the whole thing (if you can do this without going jail etc., of course).

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 12:23 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

internet address can be traced, down to the computer that they were written on. if even one is proven a lie, all will be suspect, as will her credibility.

but my biggest concern would be this. if you plead guilty, take the probation, do you honestly think it will end there? or do you think that she will do something that will make it seem like you broke terms of probation?

<small>[ June 12, 2004, 05:18 PM: Message edited by: kriste ]</small>

.

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 12:25 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

the thing that would worry me is that if i plead guilty and accepted probation, if she then tried to get me in trouble by setting me up, i could NEVER plead that i'd been innocent. the courts will not listen when i try to say that i only pled guilty because i was afraid of going to jail, and it will be a mark in her favor.

once you plead guilty, you ARE guilty in the eyes of the law. you will not be able to deny her charges later and use it to bolster any claim of innocence...

Whiteknight,
I haven't posted much because I've always felt like I wouldn't fit in and because I
felt so ashamed of the things my husband has done but we were in a similar
situation not long ago and we hope this might help you.
The woman my husband had the affair with has done some awful things,
she slept in our basement hoping to sneak upstairs and kill my husband, she
tried to have our lights, phone, and water cut off. She continued sending cards and letters and called him at work. She told me she did these things and signed
a notarized paper confessing all this, we had no idea about most of it. I told her
if she ever bothered us again we would prosecute and sue her. She said she
was returning to her home which is in another state and would not have any more contact.
This year rolls around, she's here, she follows us to a store, there was a confrontation, my husband never touches her, we had words, I let it roll, told her what I thought of her, at that moment I didn't care who heard me. We go home
and were both pretty shook up. Next day an acquaintance calls me and says there is a warrant for my husband for assault, we go up, they set a court date we leave. We get an attorney, I cannot believe they actually issue a warrant, and yes it's true, you are guilty till proven innocent. My husband has no criminal record except for a traffic ticket 20 years ago.
Our attorney does a back ground check on ow, she has a record, bad checks,
larceny, DWI, my husband didn't know all this, anyway we go to court, she
tells them she wants restitution, our attorney offers mediation, she won't agree.
We didn't want him pleading guilty so we offered a cash settlement and she wouldn't accept our offer, she wanted more. She kept talking loudly to the d.a.
telling him she wanted restitution and he finally told her she wasn't a credible witness and she asked him why, he said because she had an extensive criminal
record, she was so stupid she asked him "what does that have to do with it"?
When we stood before the judge, ow started shouting, saying my husband beat her, said he forced her to have an abortion, verbal abuse, you name it
she said it. The judge very calmly ordered her to anger management, she cannot have any contact with us for six months because if she does, we will be back in court and the next time she will need an attorney and my husbands record is still clean.
Our attorney kept telling us we didn't want to go to trial because it was going to be very ugly and embarrassing, It was already ugly and embarrassing but I'm glad he didn't plead guilty just to get it over with.
I know this has got to be hard on you and your wife and I hope the two of you make it through this, if you can afford a trial I say do it, if thats what you have to do, because that record will follow you. Have them dig up every piece of dirt on her they can find . Things that helped my husband were he's lived here all his life, his parents were well known and respected in our community, hes been on his job
many years, we help out abused women shelters,
having yard sales and donating the money.
The things that looked bad on her were, her children live with her mother, she pays no child
support, she was fired from a job for stealing,
she came to court with another man.
I am up so late tonight because our dog was barking and I worry if ow will really leave us alone, I just want it to be over.
We think you can beat this.
Best of luck to you and your wife.

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 12:27 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

Dear whiteknight1,

A saying keeps coming to me as I read your posts and what is happening in your situation. Maybe it might shed some light?

"Hell has no fury as a woman scorned"...

If you stopped the A first, she probably is very unstable and unable to cope with that fact. In her mind she is rejected and cannot emotionally deal with it, hence the manner in which she is behaving and trying to 'destroy' you.

Just a thought, but 'How did you break if off with regards to words you used to her?

Please please don't be upset by my question. I am not pointing the finger in any direction, but some women 'scene play' over and over again what some people have said to them, and the more they stew over it the more agitated they become.

I do hope and pray you and your wife and family will be ok in this.

kas

WK,

Wow, when I read your account for a brief moment I thought your OW was PBR (the infamous OW in my case). Looks like yours maybe a relative of fellow graduate of the OW academy and even passed PBR in their crazy inhumane antics.

I am sorry you and your W are going through this crap. What it goes to show is that this OW is nuts and at this time, doesn't think she is doing anything wrong (or at least wrong enough to stop her actions). This is how many OWs get, that's what gets them in trouble in the first place.

Realize that you are just 1 of many in her life to suffer from her dillusions. You probably can't fix her and there maybe a chance she can swing even the courts in her favor. After all the courts with their thousands of laws are still in the hands of mortal men who are by nature, weak when it comes to truth and justice. I am not saying it is bad to go to court but realize there is no guarantee of true justice. So sometimes the people get convicted of crimes they did not commit. (more like guilt by association) That happened in our case and it was a hard lesson my H had to learn. He was given an RO filed by PBR and though the substitute judge knew the OW was not the innocent victim she pretended to be, he granted the RO for 'both their sakes'. This way, if she tries to contact him again or even me (she called my work and home AFTER she filed the RO and even sent me an e-mail), we can take her to visit the judge and other 'fun' places with white jackets. LOL!!!

At this time the now H has to do his time knowing this is in his record (even though he is told it will not affect any other transactions - ie: job interviews, applications, etc.) . The point is that the law may not be able to view it as it truthfully is, leaving you with some heartach.

So what is the best decision? Listen to all advice and be prepared as best you can, be honest, admit when wrong and also be prepared for the consequences. OWs don't like to see a calm and collected xws and family. I attended the hearing at my H's request. I did as instructed though I was prepared to do more.

The stance H & I did just by walking into the room together was enough to shake the OW up. She tried to smile at me but she was not allowed to get any benefit. At the end of the hearing, she even tried to get near me near the entrance. Funny..... I totally didn't see her there. H had to tell me that she almost bumped into me. Wow, I thought my spiddy senses would have been screaming if she came within 10 feet of me but I didn't even see her. Musta meant the OW had finally lost her grip on me. At least that's how I feel. Now I feel free to walk about, even in her town.

See after gaining control over the WS during the A, this OW wanted more. She had already lost control over her H (since he divorced her) and so she set her sites on me (BS). Well all she got was a bitter taste and knew there was more bittergreens to come her way. Every time she tried to engage me (e-mail or phone call) after I figured out her tactic, she left frustrated.

My warning to you is to make sure you and your W have a pack and be prepared for the OW to attack your W either physically or emotionally. Be prepared on your actions like practicing for a firedrill or earthquake.

Beef up your support group as best you can. Take this stand together.

all the best,
L.

<small>[ August 19, 2004, 12:30 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

Here's the bottom line...

If you can take the plea, admit to something you perceive that you didn't do and be able to look yourself in the mirror then I say go for it.

If you can be assured that taking the plea and admitting to something you perceive that you didn't do and have the confidence that your wife will forever be able to trust you and REALLY believe that you're innocent then I say go for it.

If you can admit to/lie when asked if you have ever been charged and convicted of an offence then I say go for it.

Look at my responses..I say that if you perceive that you didn't do. You see unless all the evidence can be heard and there be a determination that you are innocent, one would wonder if what you say really did happen.

I'm sorry but you sound so much of what we hear from convicted felons..."the attorney didn't care," "the attorney was too busy," "the judge was crooked," "she was out to get me," "the prosecutor didn't look at all the facts." It'll be seen with the same cynical slant that we so often experience on the news.

You've already established that you're a liar because you're an adulterer and vows you took meant little. Sorry to be harsh but admit it's the truth.

You've got a really tough row to hoe. What would you tell your son to do? What would you tell your father to do? What can you live with?

You'll leave a legacy one way or the other. The legacy you've already produced is not at all admirable..do you want to continue down that path?

<small>[ June 13, 2004, 05:49 PM: Message edited by: jph ]</small>