I have recieved some good advice from many of you regarding my situation. I have decided to go ahead with the wedding, we are working hard to resolve our problems and things are going very well.

I would like to hear from people who overcame serious problems before their marriage and very early on in their marriage and who are enjoying a happy marriage now. I would like to hear how these people dealt with their problems successfully. Plenty of positive experiences!

We are essentially very happy together and always were, although I acknowledge that obviously there were times when he was not totally happy, and we are both working to improve our relationship overall.

I found my previous knowledge of MB very helpful in the last few weeks. I avoided LBs while still not letting him be a cake-eater, and I let him see me in pain. I think he knew instantly the magnitude of what he had done because of the fact I didnt flip out when I found out.

I am very proud of how well I coped generally. My exams went well considering.

I truly believe we will get through this and will be happy together, and he is adament that he feels the same.

Remember, we are staying positive! I have made my decision and am now asking for help and inspiration.

Thank you all xxxxx

*bump*

I see you bumped this; fair enough, weekends are slow. You haven't gotten any responses in over 4.5 hours on a weekday though.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Remember, we are staying positive! I have made my decision and am now asking for help and inspiration.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can't speak for others but I chose not to reply because I think you're making a mistake going ahead with the wedding *at this time* so can't contribute anything positive and happy. Perhaps someone else can.

I feel like I should stop posting here as no one seems to be giving me any encouragement or support.

I understand why people feel the way they do about my situation but it doesnt make anything any easier for me.

I will focus on the support of my friends and family because they support my decision.

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 03:20 AM: Message edited by: ks2001 ]</small>

don't stop posting.

Do not stop posting:: I neeeeeeddd uuuuuu!! well whatever decision you make, you know I will not give any critics you will only get support from here. That means you're comfortable enough with that decision.. it means you can live with it and is happy enough to want to continue with your marriage... alright girlfriend! Big hugs.. tell me the date of the wedding and I'll send a virtual card <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

big hugs**** Btw I am still in Belgium.. H wants me to stay, but he doesn't want me to ruin my studies.. but he doesn't beleive in distant learning... but I'm hanging in there... we might be moving to another place... maybe a house to have more space... (the country side, so I can have flowers) lol... anyways big hugs
luv ya mami.. keep up the work in your marriage/ and wedding, I am glad you do not discourage. ok?

DO NOT STOP POSTING!

Harudah, I can always rely on you. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Even if I do stop posting I will pop back and say hi to you once in a while. You dont need me! You are strong and intelligent.

I think you should pursue the distance learning because you need to have your financial and intellectual independence.

If he carries on with OW and you have one day had enough, you do not want to feel like you cant leave him because you cant make it on your own.

Dont sell yourself short.

Flowers are a definite advantage to living in the countryside <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Sending lots of love to you xxx

I did not reply earlier simply because I do not have the kind of story you seemed to be looking for.

While I would rather see you wait and be sure the road to recovery is solidly followed, I do wish you the best. If you both commit to employ these principles and follow the path to recovery after betrayal, you should do well.

Hope the future is bright!

kathi

Thank you, kathi, that means a lot to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ks -

Hero here. I read your post and my heart broke. I'm sure you remember posting to me many many times.

I have tried to stay away from MB for a few weeks as I felt a bit obsessive at times.

What has happened to you? I'll try to read through some of your other recent threads to find out exactly what is going on here.

In the meantime I'm praying like a mad woman for you.

I'll be back.

HW,

Great to hear from you. I could really do with your help!

I understand you staying away, I have gone a little dark recently myself. Its good to get perspective outside MB.

Havnt got much time now, but I will fill you in tomorrow.

Sending lots of love xxx

Alright KS I'm ready for the rest of the story.

Im not really feeling like I want to go into the whole sorry tale, but H2B had a short EA which involved exchanging text messages with a girl he met at work. She was a customer, not someone he works with, and he hasnt seen or heard from her since I found out.

It emerged that he was confused and wasnt sure if he wanted to marry me, but he has since come out of this foggy state and has recommitted to me. He has been very honest overall and swears that he didnt do anything physical with her. He says he never felt like he didnt love me,he was just having some doubts and he acknowledges how stupid he has been.

I stayed at home for a while and I had a lot of support from BIL2B and my friends, and I did a good plan A. I had to stay because I had my exams. I had a break in between 2 of my exams, in which I went away for 4 nights alone. We parted on good terms, both agreeing that a little bit of space to think was a good idea.

It was when I came back that he recommitted to me, and we are doing really well at the moment. We have agreed on certain things like PORH and POJA, which he now sees as really important because he realises why he did what he did. He says he will never do it again because he has seen the pain it caused me.

The reason I decided to go ahead with the wedding was because I know that the person who had the EA is not him. He really is a good person, he treats me well and we have always been very happy together. He has some issues from his past which often make it hard for him to deal with things like the odd arguement, but in the past 4 years I have seen him grow and change so much.

Things are going really well and I really believe we will get through this ok and be better than ever. I have had a lot of 2x4s, but I know I have made the right decision for me. I committed to marrying him a year ago, and I will not disregard taht committment easily, just as the rest of you would not throw your marriages away at the first sign of trouble. We have a home and a whole life together, just like those of you who are married.

I realise the potential pitfalls I face, but it is best that these issues come to light before we are married so that we can work on them before the wedding and then know we are truly ready. There are issues/pitfalls waiting for every new marriage!

Ks -

I am sorry to hear all that has happened to you. You sound like you are being very defensive and I take that to be the results of man 2x4s from this board.

I hope you don't think that the people on this board are being judemental since you are not yet married. I think most of the people here realize how they would have done things differently had they known their spouse was capable of this prior to marriage.

Having said that I'll say that you sound like your mind is made up. You are going to move forward with your marriage and that's what MBers need to support right now. Even if people here do not agree with your decision we all need to step up to help someone that has helped us all.

I hope that you will continue to post on your situation and help others with their issues as well. No marriage is without issue. I can't speak to the odds of your H2B doing this again...I don't know those numbers but I know that you have introduced him to MB principles and I'm sure he will start applying these immediately.

You are a great gal and he is very lucky to have someone like you in his life.

Do not lose sight of that. Please do not stop posting here. We need you and you need us.

You are so wise, hw. Thank you.

You are right, I have had many 2x4s which really did not help and even hurt quite a bit. I have felt many times on this board that my questions are treated very differently because I am not actually married.

Lets just put it down to a different upbringing combined with different social mores and values. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thank you so much for showing your support, hw. It means so much to me.

Now I just need to know what my next steps are in improving this situation...

Sending lots of love