Look, us antipodeans have got to stick together.

I haven't got time to say much. H hasn't said anything just yet about me spending most of my day on the computer but I can sense it won't be long. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I did manage to do the ironing between running back and forth between posts so that's something.

I just want to send out good thoughts to you.

I've said here before, I've suffered depression/anxiety most of my life. I'm off the AD's now and I'm finding the St Johns Wort is great. I don't recommend it for you though. I think you need to really see a dr. Even saying you can't find a dr is a sympton of your depression.

Keep your chin up. I'm trying to think of something to say that only you and I will understand and all I can come up with is "she'll be right, mate". (How lame is that?)

Jenny

<small>[ August 04, 2004, 04:44 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

BV, I don't watch programmes to pick up the accent and "down under" terminology. It's how I speak. LOL. Can't help it, I'm a born and bred New Zealander. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Where are you from?

Jenny

<small>[ August 04, 2004, 04:44 AM: Message edited by: Broken Vessell ]</small>

Cool. It's always nice to meet people who have been here.

I don't mind at all that you don't say where you're from. I realised the other day that I told the whole world (on here) my birthdate.

That is ONE thing that makes people very easy to track on the net so I quickly went back and deleted it.

I've just checked in quickly. I'ts 7.00pm here and I need to spend the time with my H.

I hope Anyname will be by to read my call out to her.

Jenny

Hi Jen, I know about the doctor thing. Like I'm gonna go to the effort to find a doctor? Last time I was home I had a sob session with a woman doc and she looked at me like I had two heads! Well, I was born in Tassie (an in-house joke that I think a kiwi will get?), but don't they have any sense of responsibility as health professionals? BTW you can imagine how much chance the ironing has???

Jen, I'm just so up and down. Eyes are all puffy today. Things went wrong yesterday (not entirely my fault this time), and even though I'm not premenstral I was ready to take a dive down 21 floors this morning. Am ok again now. Like you, I'm prone to depression. I take after my father, who apparently made an attempt on his life after an A, before I was born.

I have this attitude that we are going to die anyway, so why struggle on with life when it's gone pear shaped? We have our own reasons for feeling the world is closing in on us. It's like when I left the cult religion. I woke up to it because the negatives outweighed the positives. I suppose that's how life has begun to feel. I look at stuff on cable about the poor sods in Ethiopia and it makes me feel, what the hell do I have to complain about? I bet they'd trade places in a nano second.

cwmac is worried that I won't see a doctor, but honestly, some of them are hopeless. You can do just as well reading up on drugs on the net. I feel sure that if I start on a really low dose I'll be ok. The worst thing for me is letting go to the idea of not taking them. I interpret taking them as failure on my part. That might sound stupid to others, but I've needed them since Oct 28, 2002. I don't really know why I'm so against them - other than when I stopped paxil, I said I'd never go on anti depressants again. (and because I've learned how to have sex and I don't want to lose my ability).

This afternoon I have started to consider the mind over matter approach. When I came off paxil a few years ago, I went real wonky for a while but I was so determined that I managed to get thru it. I'm thinking that I should try this approach again. Much tuffer deal this time though and I'm in pretty bad shape. One thing I've got going for me, is an absolute honey of a H. Truly, he's a saint. (a lapsed one true, but now lives to please - hey, he even did the ironing one nite while I played on MB's - and there wasn't even rugby on the tv!)

Anyway, thanx for your kind post
any

Any, I don't know what to advise.

All I know is that thinking we're going to die anyway is NOT a good way to look at things. I scared the sh** out my H a while ago because I kept saying I was worthless, I couldn't see how we were ever going to get through this - you know how it is. I thought of my kids, my mum, my H and honestly I would never do anything that ruined their lives for the rest of their lives. I've seen a family torn apart by suicide (my best friend's) and I just wouldn't go there.

I know the A came pretty close to tearing apart my family but so far my kids have coped brilliantly.

Maybe you should try the herbal AD's. If you're not on anything right now, they can only help. And as for PMS, TELL ME ABOUT IT! It's got steadily worse and worse, the older I get. Still, yay (sarcasm), menopause shortly on the horizon.

I remember Tassie jokes as being very like Aussie/NZ jokes. "It's like visiting the world 20 years ago." etc. Hah hardy hah. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Jenny

<small>[ June 14, 2004, 03:07 PM: Message edited by: KiwiJ ]</small>