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Why does he always ask how I am doing when he doesn't really want to know the answer. My WH moved out 3 weeks ago and we don't talk much, but e-mail a couple times a week. He always asks how I'm doing but I don't know how to answer or why he even asks. Does he really care? Is he just worried about the baby? Or does he need me to say I'm o-k so it will ease his guilty conscience?
How do I respond? I'm not o-k. I'm sad, lonely, and depressed. But telling him these things isn't going to help the situation. Usually I just ignore the question.
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Guilt, that is the only reason. He knows he is not doing the right thing.
I would let him know that you are doing the best you can under the circumstances. Leave it at that.
But how are you doing? Are you eating well, feeling well, and taking good care of yourself?
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Joined: Oct 2000
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Originally posted by kloe72:
How do I respond?
" I'm not o-k. I'm sad, lonely, and depressed."
I think you should answer exactly as you stated.
Or, if you don't choose to answer his question, say this:
"I'd rather not answer that."
Do not simply ignore a difficult question. This is a bad habit and will not serve you well in recovery or in any future relationship.
Be honest. Listen to the question. Don't ignore your H's question .... and if you decide you want to answer .... answer honestly and with ownership of your feelings .... just the way you wrote here.
But telling him these things isn't going to help the situation.
Your honest answer is ... for YOURSELF! Your honesty toward your H will prop up your integrity and your courage !
Answer or don't. But do not ignore.
When you ignore, you chip away a little of your own character.
be brave.
Face his question with dignity!
I like your answer.... the way that you wrote it here.
Your H needs to know how you feel.
Sooooo, if it seems that the time is correct, tell him how you feel.
Pep
<small>[ June 13, 2004, 09:41 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>
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Believer - I'm trying to take care of myself. I have no appetite but I force myself to eat for the baby and I am drinking lots of water. I am 14 weeks along, I lost 15 lbs last month but that seems to have leveled off, finally. I'm sleeping o-k and I have started walking. I just can't stop crying. I don't know if the pregnancy hormones are making my emotional state worse. I like your response, I'll use that next time. I have a doctor's appointment for the baby tomorrow and I told WH I would let him know how it went so I'm sure the question will come up. Thanks!
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kloe -
Do the best you can on eating. Remember nature takes care of the baby first, and it is more likely the deficit will come from your body. My sister was so sick that she lost 30 pounds, and the baby came out just fine.
Yes, you will be crying. How could you not be? But it WILL get better.
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Believer - That's reassuring to hear. The baby is the most important thing to me right now and I am trying to do everything right.
I know it's got to get better from here because it couldn't possibly get worse! Today just seems to be a really bad day. I'm going to the Madonna concert (I got free tickets) tonight with a friend so that should be pretty fun and will take my mind off things for at least a little while.
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Have fun tonight. Take care of yourself. You have to realize that things like this happen. Chances are very good that he will be back. What is it about the timing of these guys. Sheesh.
You will find that having a baby is like nothing else on earth, really wonderful.
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I really wish I could believe that he will be back. A baby needs a family, and I need my husband. I just don't know. I guess I'm afraid to think to positive. I don't want to set myself up for another disapointment. I couldn't handle that right now. I guess time will tell. At least I have something to look forward to.
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kloe - Mostly WS's come back. Hold that in your heart. You can do this.
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