I suppose the title says it all. the desire to make contact has been growing slowly these past few days. just about every song makes me think of him, i don't want to change anyone's life, i'm just wondering how he is and i guess wanting to tell him what has been going on here. what would that do for me? that is the big question i keep asking myself. what need is that really going to meet. in a fantasy world it would meet the need of feeling cared about, missed and i guess i would have to add desired. it is my H that i miss so much but right about now i don't care where the physical comfort would come from. ok, i don't want to be with a complete stranger or anything. I want to be in a familiar comfortable place where i felt cared for and safe. i know he would hold me and let me cry for a bit if i wanted to, then tell me i was safe with him, it is just the two of us here. and then all i would have to do is let all thoughts go away and just feel. OM kisses so intensly, i could think about H and pretend it was him, OM wouldn't even care if i told him that is exactly what i wanted to do.

so now blast away everyone and keep me from doing something stupid.

i took today off cuz H had a golf tournament. I have stayed away from computer until now. I am going to read a bit here and then go back outside to do more yard work. surprising H by doing some much needed work in the back yard.

There used to be a phone number you could call for the current time.

Guess what time it is?

Time to call ANYBODY other than OM!

I'd suggest you call me, but the last thing you need is to talk to a male stranger.

Call Orchid - I hear she likes to talk, but I've never spoken to her.

Go ahead call him ... but

before you call...

1. call your H first and tell him
2. call MM's wife after you speak to your H and tell her
3. then call MM

If you're going to do this... do it with integrity and honesty.

Pep

Integrity and honesty sorta takes the fun out of calling, don't you think?

<small>[ June 14, 2004, 06:11 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

FL:

I know you're tempted, but I have faith that you will persevere and be able 2 resist.

Of course the OM would be happy 2 do all those things. and "of course" your H wouldn't. He's M'd 2 you. The stakes are a lot higher for him (and you, in the M) than they are for OM. What has he got 2 lose? The OM would be delighted 2 share you with your H, but your H is appalled at the thought of sharing you with the OM.

...and as you know, every little eensy teensy bit of contact will jerk you right back in2 the despair like a bungie cord.

Persevere, you can make it.

-ol' 2long

1. He is fine.
2. Transmission of information about how you are will not change anything for the better for either of you. You are no longer each other's business.

Leave it. Right where it is. The yard work is a good idea.

In time, the temptation passes because you begin to know 1 and 2 above with more and more certainty. Peace comes from this.

If you need to do something for him, connection-wise, pray for him. In Jesus' name. And trust that Jesus knows how to intercede for him, because he needs it just like you do.

instead of reading i went out to finish yard work, i got bit by a million mesquitos!!!! thank goodness i didn't have much left. i had two trees to trim (they were so out of control!!) and the area under the kid's fort to weed. son and i did the trees earlier, we saved the worst for last, it didn't take too long after all, but now i am hot, sweaty and itchy. oh yeah, and smelly. not too sexually apealing in this state.

wat, you made me laugh. the last thing i need is to call a male stranger and from what i have seen of you, you are mighty strange!!!

pep, OM is not married. so i at least have that going for me. I was never the OW. of course the point is i am.

2long, i'm glad you have faith right now. i could use some

everlong, thanks for the suggestion. i will do just that. i will pray that OM life is a happy one (does that make BSs cringe?? i'm sorry if it does) at the same time i will also pray for strength to release OM. and for strength to wait for H and for faith that it will all work out in the end.

everlong, i should read more about your story. sounds like your A was long one like mine. but it also sounds like everything worked out?? did you confess or get caught? how long ago was your d-day? has your H really forgiven you? are you two really happy and close to each other now?

thanks to everyone that replied. i am glad i posted here. i'm going to take a shower now. i guess that would be a really COLD shower <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

i will pray that OM life is a happy one (does that make BSs cringe?? i'm sorry if it does) at the same time i will also pray for strength to release OM. and for strength to wait for H and for faith that it will all work out in the end.

The only thing that makes me cringe is your million mosquito bites. We recently had 1st case locally of West Nile Virus.

Be good.

Pep

PS

Everlong is one of my favorite people on MB. Keep her talking to you. She doesn't post enough. I enjoy her insights.

Pep

Well, rather than "a happy life" I would actually suggest that you pray for him to have a right life, a life that is right before God. Which, as you know, does not include association with you. In this way you place your concerns about his welfare into capable hands, while freeing yourself from any (even hypothetical) contribution to it. This, I believe, will keep you in the correct perspective so that YOUR life is *both* happy and right before God.

Good luck, and I wish I was as ambitious as you in my yard. Seems I always find something else (more fun) to do.

FL:

Just 2 help cheer you up (and on), here's an example of ol' 2long's warped sense of humor:

2uote: "i got bit by a million mesquitos!!!! thank goodness i didn't have much left"

Give blood recently, did you? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-ol' 2long

FL,

1. Withdrawl is hell. Remember that. You go back into the A and the withdrawl will be worse than last time.

2. You've come so far w/H, I follow your story, the ups and downs. I know how much you miss the intimacy but you know what? Everything you have rebuilt so far with H will come crumbling down once again and who knows if the foundation will remain strong enough to rebuild on again?

3. Imagine the guilt you would feel after being with OM coupled with the withdrawl. That will be a billion times more pain than you are feeling now.

thinking of you,
mrsx

Pep, you are my favorite person on MB. I hang around here just to read your posts (and do what I can to help people get/stay out of affairs).

Even though my marriage *still* isn't all it should be, and may never be, I am light-years ahead of where I was even 3 years ago. And I think my family knows and appreciates this.

2long, very cute. sense of humor may be warped but you did make me laugh. by the way, i was supposed to give blood last wed and i forgot to go!!

everlong, good followup thought. you are very correct, prayers to have a "right" life is the best and it will eventually lead to happiness when all is said and done. sorry your marriage is not what you would like it to be. congrautlations with making yourself better anyway.

mrsx, you are absolutely right, all the stuff that comes afterwards is awful. i hope something good is being built here. it is so hard to tell sometimes.

ok, the shower was good. i am taking kids to pool now. water arobics class starts for me tonight, then we stay till closing. it is a great way to end the day. H probably won't be back till after we get home. The golf outing included dinner.

by the way, i HATE yard work. i did it to surprise H. he has told me in the past that i don't do much yard work, i thought i would do my best to pitch in more this year. i don't really like anything green though and i REALLY don't like BUGS!!! thanks again all.