Today my world was shattered once again. I got a letter from WS telling me he was in love with OW, her 2 kids and the one they are supposedly having together. How do I respond to this and should I? He said he loves me too. Yeah right.

OW is a crack addict! I know she drank, got high, and of course smoked crack the first 4 months of her pregnancy. She has been leaking fluid for the past 5 weeks and is due the end of July. She has been with so many other guys her bottom needs it's own zip code. WS doesn't want to see this. He's so convinced the baby is his that he won't get a DNA test. I think he doesn't want to look like a fool. No one cared when I was pg. and lost our child but now OW is the ultimate everything. We were trying to have a child until OW came along.

Is WS still in the fog or am I kidding myself? I want to write to him and tell him how I feel even though I don't think it will do any good. Part of me wants to tell him off and the other part wants to ignore this. Is it possible to tell him how I feel and get my point across without LBing?

It took only, what, a few hours, days to completely destroy what took WS and I 13 yrs. to build. Like I said before, The punishment doesn't fit the crime!

Of COURSE he does - and of COURSE you should ignore him completely.

If you want to get stuff off your chest - write it here, or write it in a letter and tuck it away. Don't send it - it will only send him further in the fog defending himself.

Hi Cyn,

I am so sorry about what you are going through.. I just think it would be a big disappointment to you if you do not date, or carry on life in a normal way while waiting for him. Then when he gets out he may go to other woman or to a completely new woman. I do not think it could hurt you to send him one last letter reminding him of your friendship, telling him you what you know of other woman messing around. Tell him that as a friend you think he could catch a disease by having sex with her. By the way we know he didn't use protection since he thinks he got her pregnant. Tell him you cannot have no further contact with him till he is ready to discontinue relations with other woman. Tell him you would be open to meeting his needs should he decide to leave other woman alone. I think this would be sort of like a plan B letter. After all he has clearly stated that he is in love with other woman. Then I think you should go out and enjoy life unless you hear from him again. Waiting for him till he makes a move towards you would be torture. Yes Cyn, I say send him a plan B letter. Good Luck!!! I know it hurts. I almost broke up this weekend. We made up and I wonder if it will change anything.

Ummm...no, you most certainly should NOT date. File for divorce, if you're done, and then wait a little while until a little personal healing has occurred AFTER it's finalized - and when you're emtionally ready, THEN date. NOT DURING. That's NO DIFFERENT than him using someone else to fill his needs and to escape the pain. I know it's hard and I know it hurts - but two wrongs NEVER make a right.

If you have not send a PROPER plan B letter, do that. But a Plan B letter is NOT about explaining how what he's doing is wrong.

Genia - fighting and then making up seldomly solves the REAL problem. If you're still 'hoping' that things will change - they aren't likely to. Because that indicates to me that you are assuming the other party is the one going to do the changing. Change ALWAYS starts with you.

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 07:39 AM: Message edited by: hope4future ]</small>

Hi Cyn,

Sorry I guess I have a lot to learn. Listen to Hope. I just think you have a hard path if you wait.

The hardest paths in life are the most fulfilling. No one learns anything really good by taking the easy road.

Cyn:

I want to give you my gut reaction to what you should do; even though I am not really qualified to say this. But it sounds like you need to get away from this guy. It sounds like this might be your opportunity to find someone better. I think MB is better than IC,; mainly because I have not gotten as much out of IC as I have here.

Most of the stories I have read here have been WS having A because the M was boring, or the sex was non-existant, or to build up their self-esteem. Most WS, it seems, know that what they are doing is wrong, but have to choose between the OW and the BS.

IF your H is involved with a former prosititute and crack addict, than that is not only exercising bad judgement --- that is dangerous to his life, and others around him. I would simply remind him of who he is with. Perhaps (and I am probably wrong about this) write him a letter and encourage him to find someone else; even if it's not you, because you care about him, and he can do better than a druggy slut.

I doubt if he is in love with her. You can't love someone you have no respect for. How can he have resect for someone like THAT?

He's still in fog. Thick fantasy-land fog. And he's the brave white knight in thick fog saving his beautiful princess. Just wait till he comes out of the fog and sees the wrinkled, old hag of a crack addict.

{Sorry, whiteknight <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Right now WS is in jail for OWI, his 4th, he will be there for quite awhile too. Since the day he met OW he has changed completely. Heavy drugs? Even his family has noticed this. He moved in with OW about a month after they met. He has tried breaking up with her several times and it's either she fakes suicide, makes threats, uses her kids, or she's pregnant. She is your typical psycho crack w****. It has been a rollercoaster ride for a year and a half now.

We were in Plan B for about 6 months. It was so hard. When we had contact again we were talking about getting back together, that he'd learned a lot about us and the situation. Low and behold OW is pg. again. (WS wants kids so bad).

I have dated, just to get my mind off things, absolutely no sex has been involved and I was up front about the situation. Well, not one of these other guys came close to how I feel about WS. Trust me that was a very "big" mistake!

In my heart I still love WS like no other and I always will. I'm hoping this time away will give him the chance to look at his life and see wacko woman for what she is. I've got to believe fog is where he's at and nothing more. His brother said he thinks what he's doing is horrible. He has a wacko xW. Said he was so different when he was with her and now that he's not he sees everything so clearly. Out of the fog.

I have 5 things I could try. I'm confused about which one.
1. Ignore his letter completely and not write back for a very long time. (Sort of Plan B)
2. Write back and never mention anything about what he said.
3. Write back and tell him off (I know, major LB's)
4. Write back and be as honest as I can sharing my thoughts and feelings, good and bad.
5. Any combination of the above.

Do not write back. Period.

Nothing you say will make any difference to him right now. It's time to let him go, for now.

Cyn:

Let go. Find someone else. He can communicate with OW if he needs a friend. Personally, I think it would be tough for you or him. Prison has got to be a sad place to be. When I think about how OW wants me in jail -- simply because I broke up with her, it really makes me want to cry. How can anyone hate me so much? It really is so sad.

If you want to write a letter once and awhile to help a friend through his tough times, then do so, but don't encourage him. Maybe just be a bit of a pen pal. Don't talk about personal stuff.

You will meet someone again. You will find the happiness you deserve. Trust me.

<small>[ June 16, 2004, 12:17 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight1 ]</small>

Cyn,

I broke up with my man once while he was an inpatient for drug abuse. I sent him a John Dear letter. I spoke of how much better other man was than him. I was in the fog. He wrote me a letter explaining his feelings of pain and how he understood how he had not treated me well. How he could understand why I did what I did but how he felt so unloved. I got a one sentence note from him next wishing me well. I took that as a goodbye. The guy I was with soon started showing his true colors and I wanted my husband back. I later learned my husband continued to send me letters but I felt a great loss that I never received them. The person I left him for was getting the letters out of my mail while I was at work and throwing them away. He never admitted it. When I found that out, I was ready to kick him out and begged my husband to come back. I always loved him. I just left him because he caused me great pain by stealing from me. Maybe if you write you could at least let him you know you care. Don't send mushy stuff, maybe just cards to cheer him up. Just enough to let him know you haven't dropped off the face of the earth.