My husband tells me that before we were married he was very promiscusous. He had sex with dozens of women, (many of them older women who approached him.) I have the impression they were using him, much like the current OW.

He said it was just fun sex, means nothing, just recreation, no emotional attachment.


So he says, but I think he would feel differently if the shoe was on the other foot and it was me sleeping with another man.

On the other hand he also tells me he feels guilty all the time.

I think it is abuse.

Shul,

I think there are men *and* women who have a warped, self-destructive, disrespectful view of sexuality (their own and others').

So, yes, this is a form of abuse. He is disrespecting both his own and your sexuality. Sexuality is a component of marriage, and your husband never learned how it is supposed to be. Instead, he uses it as currency and/or as a weapon.

Don't disrespect yourself by even talking about the shoe on the other foot. You know better. And he tells you these things and feels guilty all the time because he is not looking at you in the right light, as a wife he cherishes. He is not mature enough to cherish you.

I agree, it is abuse, but it is probably not intentional. He probably doesn't know himself at all, which is why he is using you to expose his shame. However, none of this matters--this is all about him.

What about you? Stand up for you. If he can't cherish you, at least don't allow him to debase you. For starters.