Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum
This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at
mbrestored@gmail.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 186
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 186 |
My father told me tonight that my mother had an affair before they were divorced. Without my knowledge, some members of my father's side of the family questioned whether or not he was my biological father. I told him that I could see his face in mine when I look into a mirror. I feel that there is little doubt that I am his child, but it hurts to think that members of the family felt the way that they did. What makes it worse is that my middle name is apparently the name of the OM. I asked my dad why he allowed her to do this, but he did not answer. Talk about a hit to the gut! I now hate my middle name. What makes it worse is that I gave my son the same middle name as well so that we could have the same initials. I am bummed out over this.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 17,837 |
Mfisher,
I am sorry to hear this revelation. Now you and your dad can be each other's support in a way you probably never imagined.
Is there anyone good you know with that name? If so, concentrate on them instead. I know that may sound silly.
In my case H's 1st fiance and OW have the same name. Coincidence? Yes, but still mind boggling. They even look alike but are different nationalities. I questioned H as to why he married me since I was sooo different from either of them. He said because he knew he loved me and that I really did love him. Hmmph.... welp, so much for names. Yet I have a few friends with that same name and I know they are good people so the name itself isn't bad, just those wacko characters.
A very hard bridge to cross. But I know you can.
How was your dad after he talked with you?
All the best,
L.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 290
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2001
Posts: 290 |
Bummer!
After DDay, I took a hard look at the timing of my mother's divorce (when I was 4, so excuse me for being naive until now.)
Guess What! My Dad was a WH and managed to have an OC, so divorced my mom.
If my WH leaves, see if I ever trust a man again!!!! Also, I tried to ask my mom about this and she STILL cannot talk about it. This means I have NOT shared this A with my family, because I do not think my mom can handle it. I did talk to my aunt, who is an MC, and she agrees I should not tell mom unless we separate.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,040
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 1999
Posts: 3,040 |
My H's OW has the same first name as I do - an absolutely horrible situation. Not only is it awful from a psychological standpoint, but it makes it easy for her to pass herself off as me and solicit information from my kids' doctors etc. in clear violation of the privacy laws.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 186
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 186 |
Thanks for your replies. It is always good to see that others on this board have experienced similar situations and come out OK. As for my dad, he was a bit drunk when we talked. He has always drank a bit too much, which is most likely due to the turmoil that he went through when he and my mother divorced in the early 1970's. Thanks again for your insight.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,380
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2003
Posts: 3,380 |
Wow,
I am sorry to hear the news.What a shock after all that time to find out something like that.
If I may ask,do you think it makes any difference being told now,as an adult not knowing all this time,instead of being told as a child(assuming that this all happened when you were a child)?
I am on the brink of a D and I am going to have to tell my kids a very simple explanation of why I am D'ing their father but on occasion,I think about not telling them it's due to infidelity.Of course I don't want to lie and I can't just say that we are D'ing because of irrevocable damage.They need to know something in case my WH exposes them to this homewrecker one day.
Just curious on your opinion if you can share.
o
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
324
guests, and
100
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,625
Posts2,323,524
Members72,042
| |
Most Online6,102
Jul 3rd, 2025
|
|
|
|
|
|
