I'm new to the forum, I haven't told my story here so here is the short version. My wife of 20yrs (17yrs married 3yrs living together) has had a few affairs, the most recent was discovered in may. She suffers tremendous guilt, crys a lot. She has promised me before that she would be faithful if we could work it out. LIES,LIES,LIES.! So now we are working it out again. We are in counseling now (only one session so far). My problem is I'm not feeling so good about our chances this time. She has lied to me so much, after I regained trust she does it again and again. I'm just not into being lied to anymore. My head knows that there is a real possibility that this is going to happen again ..time to get out, but my heart has offered her the chance to reconsile. How long do I give it? 6 months? a year? Until it happens again? I need something to hold onto.
Rich

Is she seeing an individual counseler as well
as joint counseling? If not, I would recommend
it. I think she obviously has a lot of her own
isses to address that impact the M.
There are some counselors that will do both.
I almost get the sense that you are focusing on
the symptoms but not addressing the disease.

My sife is seeing a psychologist, just started a new one. She has seen many in the past. She is depressed and on several medications. Over the years, I have been totally supportive and IMO can not be blamed for not meeting her emotional needs. The first few affairs I managed to over come the pain and rebuild the trust, this time is different to me. I've given her what she asked "One more chance" more than once. I'm not sure I should give her another chance to hurt me.
I'm not sure how to seperate the symptoms and the disease.
Rich

Rich, I think you just have to accept that she will probably always be like this and plan accordingly. Sure, people can change, but it doesn't sound like all the counseling in the world has ever made a difference with her.

I agree with you that it is unlikely that unmet needs ever led to her affairs. I suspect that this is just a way of life with her.

Sorry you are here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />