Have any of you decided to divorce a long time into recovery say a year or two--even when things seem to have been going well.

Here's my dilemma. It has been quite some time since dday #whatever. (There were quite a few with same OW). My WH has been trying so hard. He has just been perfect over the last several weeks and I love him very much; however, there are aspects of what happened that I still just cannot seem to get past (no matter how hard I try...)I look at him differently; sans the respect I guess. Not sure what it is, but I have expressed this to him and he is not sure what he can do to rectify the situation and frankly, I am not sure that there is anything. I think I just do not feel that romantic connection with him anymore. It's been a long time since dday #1 (over two years) and I don't think anymore time will change things....any suggestions?

<small>[ June 15, 2004, 06:33 PM: Message edited by: nine line bind ]</small>

How long has he been completely honest with you and when was the last time that you know he was in contact with the OW?

That romantic connection is something that is built and developed over time. Have you two been working on that? Like really working on it?

dewt

If it's any consolation, I'm struggling with the same thing. My dday was over a year ago, and I can totally relate to what you wrote 'cuz I have the same thoughts from time to time.

My advice to you when you start questioning whether to stay is to remind yourself that you do love him and think about all the great things that you've shared in the past and still share now. There is a reason why he stayed with you - YOU!

I have been where you are right now.

I think that ALOT of BS's go through this.

I read in another post that you are 10 months past DDay?

S.H. says that it can take up to 2 years I think to really get past this and move on.

Your H will not be able to help you much with the things that you don't seem to be able to get past. He is involved with the aspect of things you don't seem to be able to get past. I couldn't get past ALOT of things at 10 months.

It's also hard to feel romantic with those feelings still lurking. Been there too.

BUT....those are things that YOU have to work on.

Have you been in recovery for 10 months?

If that is so.....then I wouldn't give up just yet.

Took me about 18 months.

Now....3 years into recovery.....almost 4 years past DDay.....everything is so much better.
I can't say that I completely trust my H....but I trust him enough that it doesn't bother me. He has earned my respect again and we are doing better than we ever have in our 16 years of being together.